My Life Story Part 7 by Nicaushio Espenvoll (best ebook reader for pc TXT) 📕

students that were majoring in nursing. After that my mother moved from Stillman College to another school called Bellville State Community College. This was her second school she moved to after so much time searching on which school to go to. The school was pretty descent, and it had very nice people there too. My mother spoke good things about both the school and the people that worked there. However she never mansion about the students though, I guess that were genuine people too I suppose. Well…During the times that my mother was going to the school, I started going in with her and sit in the library. I started going with her everyday just to get out of the house, and everything was going good until one day something else came up. I do not remember what really happen between her and in the school she was going to at the time; I just knew that things I think never worked out. So from there she stopped going to Bellville State and moved to another school. However at the same time, she was applying in both schools, it was Bellville and to UAB. In UAB she was talking online classes form Birmingham. Lastly she went from there to moving all of the way to another school in Montgomery Alabama. During the times she was there, she was still complaining about the teachers giving her problems. The only things I heard her talk about, was about some of the issues she was having with some of the other students. Sometimes it is issues going on with her roommate she lives with in her dorm. Something about religion spirits acting up towards her from other people from a dream she had concerning her roommate. As strange as it sounds I know, but it is what all I heard at the time.

On December 27, 2013, I used my grandmother’s landline phone, to contact my mother. I wanted to try to talk to her into helping me with my college application. Unfortunately, things did not quite go as well as I thought. My mother basically told me that, she was not going to help me through school anymore. She told me that I needed to work for it and be able to pay for my own expenses for school. If I remember correctly, my step father told my mother after the argument him and I had, that he was not going to take me to school anymore. After she told me this, I felt like it was going down the drain. By the way my mother responded to me, she did not seem to care about me anymore or helping me. At first I thought, maybe my mother and my little sister were in on it or it could be either she told a few people on the phone about me and wanted to act based upon their suggestions. My sister was always the type that, had suggestions so convincing that she can be on to something. On the other hand, my mother had been acting differently since we moved to another church and ever since she got married to another guy. Still the same guy, just things had not been the same between me and my mother. It was like the relationship we once had vanished. She never calls me to see how I was doing. Then considering my step father is not going to take me anywhere anymore, I do not know how I was going to be able to get around. The only two things are transportation and a cell phone. These two things were the only two things that bothered me the most. I tried to talk to my grandmother about some things, maybe to help get it off my chest but, even that did not help any. As a child coming up, I never had anyone to spend time with me, or to talk me traveling or to other places before. I always stayed at home all of the time. The only time I left home was going to church and to school. Thus school was the only freedom I had to go and interact with other students, which wanted to communicate. When the time comes for me to go, I hated going back home because, it was like being put in a cage all over again. My grandmother made a statement once, saying that she tried to get me to stay with her, but I kept going back and forth. The reason for that was, my mother wanted me to go to my grandmother’s house for a while, because my step father and my mother were not able to take me to school because if the schedule they had. So I went and stayed with my grandmother for a few days until, they had a chance to work things out at home. Shortly after that me and my step father, got into an argument over a stupid job. Later after the argument, we apologized and moved on. I did tell my mother about it, but only just talking to her about it. I did not attend for it to be a big get together, and to talk about it. After all I figured since him and I apologized for it, what is the point. On top of that he made a statement saying that he would never take me anymore, so I think that maybe encouraged me to tell her about it. However, I just wanted to be just something to talk about, I was not trying to spread division in the house hold. So anyway, after I got off the phone with my mother, I felt like my whole life is going down the drain. I felt like I had no way out in life to, succeed. The only thing that was putting a limit on me was transportation. Also even if I had a ride to get me, I would not have a cell phone to call anyone to let them know when I would be off of work. More importantly how long will it last? Even though it will not last long….As I am sitting her typing this, my heart feels like I have failed miserably and mentally. In addition to that, I called my biological father for help. Well that did not turn out so good, he was started to act aggressive and refused to help me.

Just think for a minute, imagine if you were in my shoes for a second. You have no help from no one not even from your biological father. Your mother marries a stranger you have no clue who it is, then when you ask for help, you get help from the guy your mother marries and then he stops helping you. When you speak to your mother about it, she always makes up excuses to cover him. What is really hard is it is, you mother never calls or sees if you are dead or alive. I know that some of you might come up with suggestions and say, “Dude you are twenty five years old, you are old enough to take care of yourself.” When really another way to look at is in two ways, people that make statements like that, do not understand what that person has went through and also They do not understand the whole story, about how you been through so much already. The plan I had for myself was, I wanted to transfer to the Art Institute College, after I was done with my associate’s degree in a local community college. The only thing I needed was help paying off the fee for my college application. My mother refused to help me, and so did my step dad and the others. I felt not only damaged but everything I worked hard for is backfiring on me in a worst possible way. During the time I been thinking over and over, I came to a conclusion of almost giving up. It was like my life and all of the hard work I put in to trying to succeed, is not paying off for me. I felt like my life was useless and it was not point in going on anymore. Things at that point got really bothersome for me that, I felt that if I just walked out of the house and never came back, that my mother would not care at all. Just like the times, when I ran away from home twice because I felt that my mother did not care about me anymore. The only person I really missed was Jeremiah Lugwisha. Jeremiah used to be one of my step dads from the past. He was a really good one at that and at least he really cared about my education, even though at the time, I was acting careless. He was the only step dad that never been married nor had any kids. However, what I liked moved of all is, he was the only step dad, that really cared about me….Unlike the others my mother has been with by far. For they all seem really useless and they only wanted things for their own benefits, rather than wanting to help. Jeremiah was from Africa, he was very smart and such an awesome step dad that, I wish I could have back once again. As of the way things are right now, I feel like my life is at the end of the road. I could ask my friend Jay for help but, he is getting married soon and off for a good life and a family of his own. I really did enjoy the good times that me and my best friend Jay had together, even when him and I are in church cleaning the bathrooms together. Me and him always goofed around a lot and still got things done on time. Another best friend I had was Jeff Harless. Ha-ha boy did him me and Jay Claybrook had a blast at this one concert we went too. I was in the mosh-pit with the rest of the kids and head banged until I could not any more. It was awesome! Right now I have done a lot of thinking and it is really difficult a little bit, when you barely get out of the house a lot. The only time I would leave the house was, if my friend Jay would come to pick me up. At this point as I am typing this, I am doing my best to not give up hope at the moment. So much stuff is happening so fast that it makes you wonder what will be next.

Chapter 63: Success or failure

I really hope I can get through this life. It seems like the more I try the harder things get, for it is already hard enough to not get any support from anyone close to you. I am sure of that I am not the only one, which feels that way. That is a good thing I suppose. During the times I kept thinking over repeatedly, for a plan to help me get through it always brings me to a brick wall. I tried asking for help but, it seems no one will support me enough to get to where I need to go in life. Especially when you have a so called family, that is closer to you. It is bad enough that parents now days do not understand what a child is going through already or suffering though. As of right now I even tried talking to my grandmother about it but, all she does is bring up the past about opportunities I should have took at the time. Unfortunately, other than that it was no point in talking to her about other things anymore. Needless to say, my grandmother do not understand what I been through in my life already. Talking to my mother was no point