Reflections by Linda Dyanne Bolden (e books for reading .TXT) đź“•
Excerpt from the book:
Tiara generates in Reflections, traumatic life experiences occurring throughout her adult life and childhood, leading her down a dark path of abuse, pain, and shame, as well as capturing the fun & happy memories of her past. In Little Girls's she escapes in her fantasies and writings, by unraveling her dismay
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- Author: Linda Dyanne Bolden
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never hated him although sometimes in the past she wanted him to suffer, yet God has changed her life.
The little girl’s best Friend
The little girl short stories
She remembered some of her happier days as a little girl, she could never forget this time in her life because those were fun memories. Her best friend was name Marcella Jackson, although everyone called her Sis, the little girls nick name was Tia, they were always together back in those days. Every time you saw her, there was Sis. They were as thick as thieves, while they were growing up. She loved Sis to death and they did everything together. They were both about the same height and weight; they wore the same size shoes, and every time her mother gave her money and Sis parents gave her money they would always go to buy outfits alike. Sis was a year older than she, although she was a little bigger than her, but not much to notice. Some people thought they were actually Sisters. Their differences, were Sis hair was much longer and prettier than hers, and she was the most (Tia’s thoughts) prettiest girl that she knew. Tia, on the other hand was a shade or two lighter and she had beautiful light brown eyes that sparkler like the sunset.
They would always share their dreams of having the most beautiful wedding possible and having babies, neither of them wanted to have more than two or three children. Anyway they always wanted the fairytale stuff you know. Both would wish to meet their knight and shining armor, their prince charming. She is going down the memory lane, because it brought to her mind about the time when Sis had introduced her nephew to her. You see, Sis had two Sisters one was name Tina, her middle sister, and her older sister was Anna, who was married with three sons. They would come every summer to visit during the school break. Her husband was in the navy, and they lived where he was station at. However, she met her nephew one summer he visited along with his brothers and Tia fell in love with him at first sight.
His name was Terrance Clay Jr., the finest and smartest boy that she had ever met. He was nothing like the neighborhood boys; he was very nice, very proper, and polite. She always thought the boy had it going on and some. His complexion was of mocha tone. He always had his hair neat and cut low, she loved her some Terrance Clay. He was definitely his father, son. His father was handsome as well and if you looked at his father you could tell that Terrance would someday be his father’s replica. They both were fine and sometimes she sensed that his father was a little sweet on her mother. She could understand because his wife could never match her mother's beauty.
She was entering into the fourth grade when they first met. They got along very well together and it was an enjoyable summer. All of the kids played ball, rode bikes, played hide-go-seek, red light green light, catch the girl kiss the girl, playing in the parks, swimming, all of the kid stuff that they could think of.
Before she continue about her allurement with Terrance, she would like to continue her story about herself and Sis; her parents were a little overly protective of her, so most often than not, she was always at Sis apartment when they played. They were not keen on her outside or going places. They played with their dolls or they would listen to music doing their dance steps along with the music. Tia favorite songs were “Jimmy Mack” “I found love on a two way Street”, and Sis favorite Songs were “stop in the name of Love” When I was only seventeen”. The next year Tia, Sis and Cynthia, one of their other friends formed a singing group. They had talent shows in the backyard of Sis apartment building.
Like she said beforehand they did everything together and they always got alone very well. Sis mother gave birth to her when she was going through the changes of life, so of course they were old and sickly. She always would stare at them because she was so astonished to see such unattractive wrinkly parents with a beautiful girl. Tia had difficulties getting pass the age diffidence’s. Nonetheless she was sure they were good looking in their younger years.
After the summer break had ended she was back in school and daydreaming about Terrance everyday. She couldn’t wait to go to school and write about him during class time. She would take sheets of her notebook paper and fold it into halves, glue the paper together and make a little book out of it. This is when she started writing. She had a male teacher in the fourth grade so he didn’t case the girls as much as with the boys in class. It was then that she realized that all of her male teachers would be pushovers and she hit the nail on the head.
Nonetheless she would sit in class and write all of her fantasies about Terrance on paper. This was the most soothing experience she had ever, a place of calmness.
That became her time her space. She would write about their wedding, how big and beautiful it would be, prepared in whites, pastels coloring. She wrote fantasies of a beautiful home with all white walls, fine furnishings, and the honeymoon on the white sandy beaches on a tropical paradise island, with the radiances of the sunlight, basseting over their suntan skin. She in fact reached motherhood in her stories, the excitement of them being parents to twin girls. Terrance a Doctor, she is the wife of Dr. Terrance Clay Jr. The purity of those moments made her feel safe, an escape of what was to come. With every thought came another desire to see an additional summer break approach.
As the summer came and went the trouble started, yes they became older and more experimental. Sis and her started going to the back of yard fairs, fun town, and river view etc., however, Terrance and her started making out more, she somehow just (bam) developed over night. Her breast had a mind of their own it seem her breast were way ahead of her body and boy did Terrance notice, he and every other boy visible. Their hormones of course were becoming out of control and so were his hands. You see, he was now ready to hit the JACK POT!!! Her body was saying the same thing but she was not ready at all, although if she had been ready, he would have definitely been the one she chose to be her first. Besides she was in her early teens then and she was not about to have sex at the age of 13, not with him or no one else for that matter, so she fought him off of her and naturally he gave up and move on to another friend of theirs, someone who was willingly ready to give up her virginity, which was Cynthia.
You remember she mention that she had that same fight with her older brother trying to take what was hers and she continue fighting for her virginity until Tia was in her twenties.
The Little girl’s allurement with boyfriend
The little girl short stores
She continued her memories of her allurement with her and Terrance, the healthiest relationship of her past. Terrance had moved on and she was devastated from it but relieved all the same. She always thought in her mind that they would forever be girlfriend and boyfriend, yet he wanted much more in the relationship that she was unable to provide for him. You see, she had started having hang-ups about sex even then. She was already confused about her brother’s distorted behavior, believing that the male being was only looking to use females sexually. Because of his acts the little girl thought if she participates in sex, that God would punish her in the end. Yes, she fought off Terrance, because of his young mind and eagerness to get his feet wet, although her brother was somehow more determined to play on her innocence. He used deviousness, trickery and all other undermining behavior to fondle the little girl. She cried herself to sleep; she became a chromic nail biter, and unending bathing, trying to wash away the filth that developed within her skin. The compulsive behaviors begin for her at an early age of 10 years old.
He would often pretend he needed something out of the bathroom when she was in there and he would rub his large hardness between her tiny thighs until he would reach an orgasm, or he would pretend to take her for a ride in his car only to expose himself, asking her to touch his hardness stroking it until he’s at the peck of ejaculation, her eyes are close tight, as the smell of sex stings her nose, her mouth is very dry, her stomach is sick from dismay, she cries inside, it felt as if something was crawling under her skin, as her thoughts tried to search for that safe place, she pray for God to end her pain, her sadness, and her humiliation. So the little girl learned to not talk of it or think about it, she would whether suppress her humiliation believing that it would go away. However the sexual abuse eventually ended, although the little girl’s abusive relationship continue for her throughout her adulthood.
Anyway the little girl, she continued to dream her dreams to find that healthy relationship that she once had with Terrance, the purity and calmness, which would make her life complete; yet she became the victim of one bad relationship after another. This is how the little girl copes with all of this, through her writing this time in a poem.
The little girl’s best Friend
The little girl short stories
She remembered some of her happier days as a little girl, she could never forget this time in her life because those were fun memories. Her best friend was name Marcella Jackson, although everyone called her Sis, the little girls nick name was Tia, they were always together back in those days. Every time you saw her, there was Sis. They were as thick as thieves, while they were growing up. She loved Sis to death and they did everything together. They were both about the same height and weight; they wore the same size shoes, and every time her mother gave her money and Sis parents gave her money they would always go to buy outfits alike. Sis was a year older than she, although she was a little bigger than her, but not much to notice. Some people thought they were actually Sisters. Their differences, were Sis hair was much longer and prettier than hers, and she was the most (Tia’s thoughts) prettiest girl that she knew. Tia, on the other hand was a shade or two lighter and she had beautiful light brown eyes that sparkler like the sunset.
They would always share their dreams of having the most beautiful wedding possible and having babies, neither of them wanted to have more than two or three children. Anyway they always wanted the fairytale stuff you know. Both would wish to meet their knight and shining armor, their prince charming. She is going down the memory lane, because it brought to her mind about the time when Sis had introduced her nephew to her. You see, Sis had two Sisters one was name Tina, her middle sister, and her older sister was Anna, who was married with three sons. They would come every summer to visit during the school break. Her husband was in the navy, and they lived where he was station at. However, she met her nephew one summer he visited along with his brothers and Tia fell in love with him at first sight.
His name was Terrance Clay Jr., the finest and smartest boy that she had ever met. He was nothing like the neighborhood boys; he was very nice, very proper, and polite. She always thought the boy had it going on and some. His complexion was of mocha tone. He always had his hair neat and cut low, she loved her some Terrance Clay. He was definitely his father, son. His father was handsome as well and if you looked at his father you could tell that Terrance would someday be his father’s replica. They both were fine and sometimes she sensed that his father was a little sweet on her mother. She could understand because his wife could never match her mother's beauty.
She was entering into the fourth grade when they first met. They got along very well together and it was an enjoyable summer. All of the kids played ball, rode bikes, played hide-go-seek, red light green light, catch the girl kiss the girl, playing in the parks, swimming, all of the kid stuff that they could think of.
Before she continue about her allurement with Terrance, she would like to continue her story about herself and Sis; her parents were a little overly protective of her, so most often than not, she was always at Sis apartment when they played. They were not keen on her outside or going places. They played with their dolls or they would listen to music doing their dance steps along with the music. Tia favorite songs were “Jimmy Mack” “I found love on a two way Street”, and Sis favorite Songs were “stop in the name of Love” When I was only seventeen”. The next year Tia, Sis and Cynthia, one of their other friends formed a singing group. They had talent shows in the backyard of Sis apartment building.
Like she said beforehand they did everything together and they always got alone very well. Sis mother gave birth to her when she was going through the changes of life, so of course they were old and sickly. She always would stare at them because she was so astonished to see such unattractive wrinkly parents with a beautiful girl. Tia had difficulties getting pass the age diffidence’s. Nonetheless she was sure they were good looking in their younger years.
After the summer break had ended she was back in school and daydreaming about Terrance everyday. She couldn’t wait to go to school and write about him during class time. She would take sheets of her notebook paper and fold it into halves, glue the paper together and make a little book out of it. This is when she started writing. She had a male teacher in the fourth grade so he didn’t case the girls as much as with the boys in class. It was then that she realized that all of her male teachers would be pushovers and she hit the nail on the head.
Nonetheless she would sit in class and write all of her fantasies about Terrance on paper. This was the most soothing experience she had ever, a place of calmness.
That became her time her space. She would write about their wedding, how big and beautiful it would be, prepared in whites, pastels coloring. She wrote fantasies of a beautiful home with all white walls, fine furnishings, and the honeymoon on the white sandy beaches on a tropical paradise island, with the radiances of the sunlight, basseting over their suntan skin. She in fact reached motherhood in her stories, the excitement of them being parents to twin girls. Terrance a Doctor, she is the wife of Dr. Terrance Clay Jr. The purity of those moments made her feel safe, an escape of what was to come. With every thought came another desire to see an additional summer break approach.
As the summer came and went the trouble started, yes they became older and more experimental. Sis and her started going to the back of yard fairs, fun town, and river view etc., however, Terrance and her started making out more, she somehow just (bam) developed over night. Her breast had a mind of their own it seem her breast were way ahead of her body and boy did Terrance notice, he and every other boy visible. Their hormones of course were becoming out of control and so were his hands. You see, he was now ready to hit the JACK POT!!! Her body was saying the same thing but she was not ready at all, although if she had been ready, he would have definitely been the one she chose to be her first. Besides she was in her early teens then and she was not about to have sex at the age of 13, not with him or no one else for that matter, so she fought him off of her and naturally he gave up and move on to another friend of theirs, someone who was willingly ready to give up her virginity, which was Cynthia.
You remember she mention that she had that same fight with her older brother trying to take what was hers and she continue fighting for her virginity until Tia was in her twenties.
The Little girl’s allurement with boyfriend
The little girl short stores
She continued her memories of her allurement with her and Terrance, the healthiest relationship of her past. Terrance had moved on and she was devastated from it but relieved all the same. She always thought in her mind that they would forever be girlfriend and boyfriend, yet he wanted much more in the relationship that she was unable to provide for him. You see, she had started having hang-ups about sex even then. She was already confused about her brother’s distorted behavior, believing that the male being was only looking to use females sexually. Because of his acts the little girl thought if she participates in sex, that God would punish her in the end. Yes, she fought off Terrance, because of his young mind and eagerness to get his feet wet, although her brother was somehow more determined to play on her innocence. He used deviousness, trickery and all other undermining behavior to fondle the little girl. She cried herself to sleep; she became a chromic nail biter, and unending bathing, trying to wash away the filth that developed within her skin. The compulsive behaviors begin for her at an early age of 10 years old.
He would often pretend he needed something out of the bathroom when she was in there and he would rub his large hardness between her tiny thighs until he would reach an orgasm, or he would pretend to take her for a ride in his car only to expose himself, asking her to touch his hardness stroking it until he’s at the peck of ejaculation, her eyes are close tight, as the smell of sex stings her nose, her mouth is very dry, her stomach is sick from dismay, she cries inside, it felt as if something was crawling under her skin, as her thoughts tried to search for that safe place, she pray for God to end her pain, her sadness, and her humiliation. So the little girl learned to not talk of it or think about it, she would whether suppress her humiliation believing that it would go away. However the sexual abuse eventually ended, although the little girl’s abusive relationship continue for her throughout her adulthood.
Anyway the little girl, she continued to dream her dreams to find that healthy relationship that she once had with Terrance, the purity and calmness, which would make her life complete; yet she became the victim of one bad relationship after another. This is how the little girl copes with all of this, through her writing this time in a poem.
So all her pain can go away
Each day she kneel down to pray
Hoping for a much brighter day
So all her pain can go away
She wondered why her path leads her this way
Can she turn her body into clay?
So all her pain can go away
Wishing that her life wasn’t at a disarray
She buries her fears and then seeks out to play
So all her pain can go away
Hoping to cast her burdens into the bay
What is this little girl frighten to say
So all her pain can go away
Hoping her secrets were not on display
But sooner or later she will have to relay
So all her pain can go away
Because she feels no one cares anyway
She’s ready to end her life of dismay
So all her pain can go away
Even though her hurt uncontrollably sway
As she hopes her dreams will manifest someday
So all her pain can go away
CHAPTER FOUR
The day of her wedding
Tiara felt inclusive the day that she was to be wedded to Tyrone Lee Campbell, she was overly joyful to be in love with a man that love her just as much as she love him. Becoming Mrs. Tiara Campbell was so overwhelming and she couldn’t stop the tears from falling from eyes. She had first met Tyi on July 10, 1981, at the age of 22, and they were married a year later on August 2, 1982. A day in her life she could in no way stop thinking about. Her sisters were her braids maid and Pamela was her maid of honor. Pam actually wore a peach gown with white
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