Untitled(for now) by Tiffany Anyel (the reading strategies book .txt) 📕

sigh. But totally pushing rationale aside, I felt like I did. Underlining the word felt here. I mean which do I believe, the part that tells me, it goes against everything it has ever known to be possible? Or the part that wants to show me all that might be? The kicker is, I have to let go of all I have ever known. And assume there is something more to hold onto. I have to trust what I feel. Superpower right? I mean this is all happening to me for some reason. Crazy or not. Maybe crazy is a word, used to explain, what cant be. Or atleast, what cannot be understood through supposed logic. I mean whose to say, there isnt actually more out there. And not just in the ETs or other worlds department. But with us? Whose to say there isnt more to being human? More than we know is possible, because we have yet to understand it? I mean isnt that what evolution is all about? I just know, something has happened to me. Something that reason and logic, would have a feild day, of trying to explain. I lay back. I hear my stomach, and place my hand were it ached. I strain to hear if Glendas in the kitchen. Silence. Good. I cant deal with anything other than what I am dealing with right now. I get up, and walk to the kitchen.

"Is that all you've been eating?" "Whats wrong with chocolate?" "Nothing. Its just you are sitting at the table, with a plate of chocolate and a glass of water?" I look down at my plate. I had stuffed some chocolates from last night in my jogging pants. I was trying to figure out what to eat, when I remembered where they were. "So?" "So, you are eating like it is a full meal." "Its what my stomach wanted. And I felt like eating at the table. Whats wrong with that?" "Im just trying to understand the plate part." She looks at the plate. And then back at me. "So I wanted my chocolate on a plate." I shrug. "You are in a totally different place today." I ignore her. She takes out the dish in the oven. "Perfect." "Smells good, what'd you make?" "Oh, its Vanilla Upside Down Cake." "Upside down?" I smirk. "Yea, why?" "Cause anyway you eat it, it will be rightside up." "What?" "You know, rightside, as in your mouth and up, as in, moving it there? It was a joke." "You and your jokes, was that one suppose to be funny too?" I stifle a laugh, in between chewing. "No, that was. " She smiles, starts the washer, and picks up a newspaper by the table. "You want me to cook you some actual food for dinner?" She was staring at my now empty plate. "Maybe. I cant think of eating right now. Maybe later though." "Yea I bet." "I just ate lunch." "You didnt get up til lunch. Remember?" "Well three meals a day. I just had my second. So technically its my lunch." She rolls her eyes, and continues to read. I put the plate and glass in the sink. "Where you going now?" "Out to smoke." "I think I will too."

I realized the sky was clear. Still raining, but the sun was peeking through. "Ugh. This weather." "What? I kind of like it. Its refreshing." She looks at me. "Yin, you would." I sit on the swing, she follows. "What is that suppose to mean?" "Well duh. Your weird." "I know, so? What Im weird cause I like rain?" "No." "Well then what?" "Are you on your period?" "What? No. Why?" She laughs. A phone vibrates. She reaches in her pocket. "I hope its not who I think it is." She pulls it out. "Ugh, and it is." And snaps it shut. "Who was it?" "Oh, no one." I stare at her. "What?" "You know you want to tell me, so shoot." She sighs, and leans back. "This guy Ive been seeing for awhile." I wait for her to continue. She doesnt. "So, what about him?" "I dont know, his just too clingy for my taste." I pretend to look for him. "I dont see him on you now." She laughs. "Its just no mystery, you know? Its all out on the table." I immediately think of my unseen.. friend? "That might not be such a bad thing." "Well after awhile it becomes stale." "I disagree." "How would you even know?" She had a point. "Ive lived vicariously through enough shows, to know a thing or two." "Right." "Well are you attracted to him?" "Yea. I guess." "You guess? Then no." She pretends to hit me. "I mean his cute, nice enough body, gorgeous eyes.." "Thats not what I meant." "Huh? What did you mean then?" "Are you. attracted. to him?" "I just told you." I look at her. "Like how do you feel around him?" " Annoyed." I smile, despite myself. "Seriously." "I am." "Do you have butterflies, or does your heart flutter around him?" "Flutter?" "Just answer the question." She stares out. "I dont know. Thats fairytale stuff. In the 'real', you'll be lucky to find a guy that has all his teeth." I laugh.
"So does he?" "Huh?" "Make your heart fl..race?" "The last time my heart did anything besides beat. I was in highschool, with this boy named Derek. Agh..he was such a...." She pretends to kick a rock. "Wow. That bad huh?" She looks at me, realized what she just did. "Shut up." I smile. "So this Derek, did he give you butterflies?" "No! Yes." She sighs. "And he knew it too." "How?" "Cause I told him. Alot." "Now look whose being clingy." "I know. Hey I was young. And he liked me too. He just tried not to show it, even to me. We went out though. So, I dont know." "Yea. What happened?" "We just..stopped." "Stopped?" "Yea. I mean I still liked him, but I dont know. I just couldnt deal with it anymore. Ya know? It was just too hard." "What?" "Him, and I dont mean in the good way." She looks at me. We both laugh. " I should probably go back in." She checks her phone. "And do what?" "Nothing really." I light another cigarette. "So what about you? You just graduated highschool. Anybody giving you butterflies?" She bumps me on the shoulder. "I didnt just graduate." "Compared to me, yea you did." "In school, no. No Dereks' for me." "Aww..Yin, why not?" "I dont know. I mean I went out with guys. It was fun for the most part." "But you have not found someone special?" "Am I suppose to find him? No one told me." She looks at me. "Now that was funny." I hear my phone ring. "Hello?" "Hey its me, Im coming over." I hear the door open, and look up. Glenda goes inside. "Yin, you there?" "Yea, okay. See you soon."

I was in my room. I had took off my hoodie. I decided to swap my jeans for jogging pants. Game night with Gary. Had to be comfy. I sit on my bed. I realized I hadnt felt him today. I missed him. How it felt being with him. I missed that feeling. I fall back on the bed. I felt torn. Like I would break at the next impulse. My senses felt all over place, like I couldnt hold on to anything for too long. I felt blurry. Nothing felt clear. Even my thoughts seemed away somewhere. I felt like crying. I wipe a tear away. More run down my face.

"Yin, you in there?" I sit up. "Coming." I go to my drawer, find a shirt, and wipe my face. I take a breath, and open the door. Smiling, alittle too hard. "Hey Gair. Come in." "Whats up with you?" "Oh, nothing. You bring the games?" He looks down, in his arms. "Oh. yay! Scrabble." I take the games. And put them on the dresser. "You sure your okay?" "Yea. Im sure. So what you do today?" "Hung out. Played some poker." "Yea? Sounds fun. What game you want to play first?" "Uno?" I start dealing the cards. "So what about you?" "Hung out here with Glen." Knock on the door. "Speak of the devil. Yea come in." "You guys want something to eat?" "I could eat, what about you Gair?" "Yea, sure." She nods, and shuts the door.

"Uno!" He places his last card on the pile. "And thats how it gets done." I laugh. "So, do you know 'whats his name's' name yet?" "Funny, no. I havent fe..spoke to him today." "Wow, Yin." "What?" "Your upset about that too arent you?" "No." "Liar, its written all over your face." "It is not. Shut up." "And your grouchy. Id say so." "Whatever." "So, tell me about him. I need something." "Theres nothing to tell." "Okay Yin." He looks at me. I concentrate on passing out the cards. "Why.." "Yea. Why what?" "Why is it so hard for you to open up?" "What? Im open." "I mean yea, your open-minded, non-judgemental and all that. But thats not what Im talking about." "Well?" "I mean with how you feel." "I am." "Okay Yin." "Well you stop 'okay Yin-ing' me. You go first." He grabs a card. I realize he doesnt put anything down. I look up. He is looking at me. "Are you gonna go?" "Are you gonna answer my question?" "I did Gair." He places a card down.

We had been playing for awhile in silence. "Why are you so quiet?" "Why are you?" "Im not. Its just normally you would be talking my head off right about now. And your not." "Yin, you make it seem like all I do is talk." I look at him, and smirk. "Maybe today I have nothing to say." "Whatever. You always have something to say." I stare at him. "You have pretty eyes. Have I ever told you that?" "Yes, you have. Will you stop staring at me, and go?" "I wasnt staring." I place a card down. " I thought your eyes were brown. But now I see grey too." "Yin, my eyes are brown." "No. There not just brown. I see grey." "Why are you fascinated with my eyes, all of a sudden?" "Well were just sitting here, looking at each other. And I just happened to notice it." He rolls his eyes. I stick out my tongue. We both laugh. "Guys dinner's ready!" "Okay!" We open the door to find Glenda at the bottom of the stairs. "Well come on."

"This is good." I look at the Glenda. " Alot better than a plate of chocolate." "I wouldnt go that far." "Who had a plate of chocolate?" We both look at Gary. Glenda looks at me, and then so does Gary. "Oh. I should of known." He smirks, and continues to eat. "So how you been Gary? Met anyone yet?" He looks at Glenda. "No. And Im not looking." "Why not?" "Oh no reason. Just havent had the time. I guess. Although Yin has found someone." I look at Gary. And give him what I hoped was an evil stare. Glenda looks at me. "Yin! You met someone? When?" I look at her. I see Gary smiling, while he pretends to eat. I am going to kill him. Ugh. He knows Glen will not let this go. "Just someone online. Nothing special." I continue to eat. "So whats his name?" Gary bust out laughing. Glenda looks at him. "Whats so funny?" "Oh. Nothing." He stifles a laugh, and continues to eat. Glenda looks at me. I concentrate on eating my food. "So? Yin,