Unwise Child by Randall Garrett (epub e ink reader TXT) 📕

There was a click as the intercom shut off.

Nariaki looked at Mike the Angel and shook his head [61] slowly. “Either you’re working your way toward a court-martial or else you know where Black Bart has the body buried.”

“I should,” said Mike cryptically. “I helped him bury it. How do I get to His Despotic Majesty’s realm?”

Nariaki considered. “It’ll take you five or six minutes. Take the tubeway to Stage Twelve. Go up the stairway to the surface and take the first corridor to the left. That’ll take you to the loading dock for that stage. It’s an open foyer like the one at the landing field, so you’ll have to put your parka back on. Go down the stairs on the other side, and you’ll be in Area K. One of the guards will tell you where to go from there. Of course, you could go by tube, but it would take longer because of the by-pass.”

“Good enough. I’ll take the short cut. See you. And thanks.”

[62]

The underground tubeway shot Mike the Angel across five miles of track at high speed. Mike left the car at Stage Twelve and headed up the stairway and down the corridor to a heavy double door marked freight loading.

He put on his parka and went through the door. The foyer was empty, and, like the one at the rocket landing, protected from the Antarctic blast only by a curtain of hot air. Outside that curtain, the light seemed to lose itself in the darkness of the bleak, snow-filled Wastelands. Mike ignored the snowscape and headed across the empty foyer to the door marked entrance.

“With a small e,” Mike muttered to himself. “I wonder if the sign painter ran out of full caps.”

He was five feet from the door when he heard the yell.

“Help!”

That was all. Just the one word.

Mike the Angel came to a dead halt and spun around.

The foyer was a large room, about fifty by fifty feet in area and nearly twenty feet high. And it was quite obviously empty. On the open side, the sheet of hissing hot air was doing its best to shield the room from the sixty-below-zero [63] blizzard outside. Opposite the air curtain was a huge sliding door, closed at the moment, which probably led to a freight elevator. There were only two other doors leading from the foyer, and both of them were closed. And Mike knew that no voice could come through those insulated doors.

“Help!”

Mike the Angel swung toward the air curtain. This time there was no doubt. Someone was out in that howling ice-cloud, screaming for help!

Mike saw the figure—dimly, fleetingly, obscured most of the time by the driving whiteness. Whoever it was looked as if he were buried to the waist in snow.

Mike made a quick estimate. It was dark out there, but he could see the figure; therefore he would be able to see the foyer lights. He wouldn’t get lost. Snapping down the faceplate of his parka hood, he ran through the protective updraft of the air curtain and charged into the deadly chill of the Antarctic blizzard.

In spite of the electroparka he was wearing, the going was difficult. The snow tended to plaster itself against his faceplate, and the wind kept trying to take him off his feet. He wiped a gloved hand across the faceplate. Ahead, he could still see the figure waving its arms. Mike slogged on.

At sixty below, frozen H2O isn’t slushy, by any means; it isn’t even slippery. It’s more like fine sand than anything else. Mike the Angel figured he had about thirty feet to go, but after he’d taken eight steps, the arm-waving figure looked as far off as when he’d started.

Mike stopped and flipped up his faceplate. It felt as though someone had thrown a handful of razor blades into his face. He winced and yelled, “What’s the trouble?” Then he snapped the plate back into position.

[64] “I’m cold!” came the clear, contralto voice through the howling wind.

A woman! thought Mike. “I’m coming!” he bellowed, pushing on. Ten more steps.

He stopped again. He couldn’t see anyone or anything.

He flipped up his faceplate. “Hey!”

No answer.

“Hey!” he called again.

And still there was no answer.

Around Mike the Angel, there was nothing but the swirling, blinding snow, the screaming, tearing wind, and the blackness of the Antarctic night.

There was something damned odd going on here. Carefully putting the toe of his right foot to the rear of the heel of his left, he executed a one-hundred-eighty-degree military about-face.

And breathed a sigh of relief.

He could still see the lights of the foyer. He had half suspected that someone was trying to trap him out here, and they might have turned off the lights.

He swiveled his head around for one last look. He still couldn’t see a sign of anyone. There was nothing he could do but head back and report the incident. He started slogging back through the gritty snow.

He stepped through the hot-air curtain and flipped up his faceplate.

“Why did you go out in the blizzard?” said a clear, contralto voice directly behind him.

Mike swung around angrily. “Look, lady, I—”

He stopped.

The lady was no lady.

A few feet away stood a machine. Vaguely humanoid in [65] shape from the waist up, it was built more like a miniature military tank from the waist down. It had a pair of black sockets in its head, which Mike took to be TV cameras of some kind. It had grillwork on either side of its head, which probably covered microphones, and another grillwork where the mouth should be. There was no nose.

“What the hell?” asked Mike the Angel of no one in particular.

“I’m Snookums,” said the robot.

“Sure you are,” said Mike the Angel, backing uneasily toward the door. “You’re Snookums. I couldn’t fail not to disagree with you less.”

Mike the Angel didn’t particularly like being frightened, but he had never found it a disabling emotion, so he could put up with it if he had to. But, given his choice, he would have much preferred to be afraid of something a little less unpredictable, something he knew a little more about. Something comfortable, like, say, a Bengal tiger or a Kodiak bear.

“But I really am Snookums,” reiterated the clear voice.

Mike’s brain was functioning in high gear with overdrive added and the accelerator floor-boarded. He’d been lured out onto the Wastelands by this machine—it most definitely could be dangerous.

The robot was obviously a remote-control device. The arms and hands were of the waldo type used to handle radioactive materials in a hot lab—four jointed fingers and an opposed thumb, metal duplicates of the human hand.

But who was on the other end? Who was driving the machine? Who was saying those inane things over the speaker that served the robot as a mouth? It was certainly a woman’s voice.

[66] Mike was still moving backward, toward the door. The machine that called itself Snookums wasn’t moving toward him, which was some consolation, but not much. The thing could obviously move faster on those treads than Mike could on his feet. Especially since Mike was moving backward.

“Would you mind explaining what this is all about, miss?” asked Mike the Angel. He didn’t expect an explanation; he was stalling for time.

“I am not a ‘miss,’” said the robot. “I am Snookums.”

“Whatever you are, then,” said Mike, “would you mind explaining?”

“No,” said Snookums, “I wouldn’t mind.”

Mike’s fingers, groping behind him, touched the door handle. But before he could grasp it, it turned, and the door opened behind him. It hit him full in the back, and he stumbled forward a couple of steps before regaining his balance.

A clear contralto voice said: “Oh! I’m so sorry!”

It was the same voice as the robot’s!

Mike the Angel swung around to face the second robot.

This time it was a lady.

“I’m sorry,” she repeated. She was all wrapped up in an electroparka, but there was no mistaking the fact that she was both human and feminine. She came on through the door and looked at the robot. “Snookums! What are you doing here?”

“I was trying an experiment, Leda,” said Snookums. “This man was just asking me about it. I just wanted to see if he would come if I called ‘help.’ He did, and I want to know why he did.”

The girl flashed a look at Mike. “Would you please tell[67] Snookums why you went out there? Please—don’t be angry or anything—just tell him.”

Mike was beginning to get the picture. “I went because I thought I heard a human being calling for help—and it sounded suspiciously like a woman.”

“Oh,” said Snookums, sounding a little downhearted—if a robot can be said to have a heart. “The reaction was based, then, upon a misconception. That makes the data invalid. I’ll have to try again.”

“That won’t be necessary, Snookums,” the girl said firmly. “This man went out there because he thought a human life was in danger. He would not have done it if he had known it was you, because he would have known that you were not in any danger. You can stand much lower temperatures than a human being can, you know.” She turned to Mike. “Am I correct in saying that you wouldn’t have gone out there if you’d known Snookums was a robot?”

“Absolutely correct,” said Mike the Angel fervently.

She looked back at Snookums. “Don’t try that experiment again. It is dangerous for a human to go out there, even with an electroparka. You might run the risk of endangering human life.”

“Oh dear!” said Snookums. “I’m sorry, Leda!” There was real anxiety in the voice.

“That’s all right, honey,” the girl said hurriedly. “This man isn’t hurt, so don’t get upset. Come along now, and we’ll go back to the lab. You shouldn’t come out like this without permission.”

Mike had noticed that the girl had kept one hand on her belt all the time she was talking—and that her thumb was holding down a small button on a case attached to the belt.

[68] He had been wondering why, but he didn’t have to wonder long.

The door behind him opened again, and four men came out, obviously in a devil of a hurry. Each one of them was wearing a brassard labeled SECURITY POLICE.

At least, thought Mike the Angel as he turned to look them over, the brassards aren’t in all lower-case italics.

One of them jerked a thumb at Mike. “This the guy, Miss Crannon?”

The girl nodded. “That’s him. He saw Snookums. Take care of him.” She looked again at Mike. “I’m terribly sorry, really I am. But there’s no help for it.” Then, without another word, she opened the door and went back inside, and the robot rolled in after her.

As the door closed behind her, the SP man nearest Mike, a tough-looking bozo wearing an ensign’s insignia, said: “Let’s see your identification.”

Mike realized that his own parka had no insignia of rank on it, but he didn’t like the SP man’s tone.

“Come on!” snapped the ensign. “Who are you?”

Mike the Angel pulled out his ID card and handed it to the security cop. “It tells right there who I am,” he said. “That is, if you can read.”

The man glared and jerked the card out of Mike’s hand, but when he saw the emblem that Lieutenant Nariaki had stamped on it, his eyes widened. He looked up at Mike. “I’m sorry, sir; I didn’t mean—”

“That tears it,” interrupted Mike. “That absolutely tears it. In the past three minutes I have been apologized to by a woman, a robot, and a cop. The next thing, a penguin will walk in here, tip his top hat, and abase himself while he [69] mutters obsequiously in penguinese. Just what the devil is going on around this place?”

The four SP men were trying hard not to fidget.

“Just security precautions, sir,” said the ensign uncomfortably. “Nobody but those connected with Project Brainchild are supposed to know about Snookums. If anyone else finds out, we’re supposed to take them into protective custody.”

“I’ll bet you’re widely loved for that,” said Mike. “I suppose the gadget at Miss What’s-her-name’s belt was an alarm to warn you of impending disaster?”

“Miss Crannon.... Yes, sir. Everybody on the project carries those around. Also, Miss Crannon carries a detector for following Snookums around. She’s sort of his keeper, you know.”

“No,” said Mike the Angel, “I do not know. But I intend to find out. I’m looking for Captain Quill; where is he?”

The four men looked at each other, then looked back at Mike.

“I don’t know, Commander,” said the ensign. “I understand that several new men have come in today, but I don’t know all of them. You’d better talk to Dr. Fitzhugh.”

“Such are the beauties of security,” said Mike the Angel. “Where can I