You Know Who by Robin L. Deeter (best free e book reader .txt) 📕

The whole licking and sniffing things will probably freak him out at first.
Jessie stopped reading to wipe her eyes. She laughed despite the shock and anguish that gripped her heart. She could hear Ray’s voice so clearly through his written words. Sighing, she gathered her strength and read on.
You’ll have to be there for Fraser, too. He’s a strong man, we both know that, but it’ll be better for him to have an outlet. All I could do was give him a strange call telling him I might not be able to pick him up at the train. I’m sure the Feds were listening in on the call to make sure I didn’t say anything I wasn’t supposed to. He’s going to walk into this blind and he’ll need your help.
I could write all night and still not tell you everything I want to say to you. Be well, Jess and know that my heart is with you.
All my love,
You know who

Jessie read the note four times, memorizing it. Her tears kept blurring her vision. Finally she rose and walked slowly to the stove. Turning on a front burner, she watched the flame for a moment, gathering her strength to destroy the letter as Ray had asked. Holding the letter over the flame she lit the paper on fire then turned off the burner and placed the letter in the sink. Crying the whole time, she watched the letter burn, the pages turning black. When it was nothing but ashes, she turned on the water, washing it down the drain.
Sitting down at the table, Jessie tried to get her emotions under control but it was hard not to give in to her grief. That’s what last night was about, why Ray was so intense, so tender. He was saying goodbye. Her hands curled into fists and she pounded her thighs until she was breathless as agony flared inside. Why God, why? I just finally got to finally be with the man I’ve loved for the past two years, why did he have to be taken away from me? Oh Ray, why didn’t you tell me last night? Another part of her whispered, because he knew it would be harder on you if he did. He was sparing you as much pain as possible. How like him to want to protect her.
Jessie’s memory shifted to the few arguments she and Ray had had. They mainly revolved around Jessie having a hard time giving up any independence. One weekend when he had shown up, she was in the middle of giving her old Taurus an oil change and Ray had yelled at her for not taking it to a garage or to have him do it for her. She’d yelled back telling him that she’d been doing things herself for how long without a man to do it for her and why should that change. He’d defused her anger by saying he just wanted to take care of her. Another similar incident happened when he caught her up on a ladder on the side of her house cleaning leaves out of the rain gutter. She’d thought he was going to have a coronary over that one. Invariably their arguments resulted in intense lovemaking because it excited Jessie when Ray yelled. He often accused of her of pissing him off on purpose just to get him to raise his voice and Jessie didn’t deny it.
He wasn’t going to be around to yell anymore. The full impact of that fact slammed into her brain and squeezed her heart. Eventually her tears dried and Jessie pushed herself to start getting around for work. She had to appear as if she didn’t know anything was amiss. How she was going to pull that off she didn’t know, but pull it off she must, for Ray’s sake. She would do nothing to get him in trouble.
Putting on coffee with the sticky note from Ray stuck over her heart, Jessie couldn’t help but think of the game of making Ray guess the flavor she brewed. That done, she pulled a notebook from a drawer of her desk in the living room and flipped open the cover. The pages were filled with all of the sticky notes Ray had written. She’d saved them all. Adding this one to the others she closed the notebook and put it away.
She showered and dressed. By that time the coffee was finished. She put some in thermos as always and drank a cup sitting at the kitchen table. Her phone rang, making her jump. She snatched it off the hook, hope rising that it would be Ray. Harding Welsh’s voice on the other end disappointed her and made her nervous at the same time. She tried to make her voice as normal as she could. He wanted her to come to his office immediately upon coming in to work.
Half an hour later Jessie knocked on Welsh’s door.
“Come in,” came the gruff reply.
“Good morning, sir. You wanted to see me?” She was very careful to sound like her usually cheerful self.
“Yeah. Have a seat, Jessie.” He regarded the young woman as she sat and placed her hands in her lap. She was a damn good records clerk and a really nice person to boot. He always enjoyed their conversations and he admired her good work ethic. He didn’t relish what he had to tell her but it had to be done. He didn’t want her to hear it in public at the meeting he had scheduled. She deserved better than that.
Harding was gentle with her as he spoke, explaining all the details he could share with her carefully, making sure that she understood the situation fully. “The rest of the division is going to be informed of all this at the meeting at nine, but I thought given your relationship with Vecchio that you should be forewarned.”
“Thank you, sir.”
“Do you have any questions for me?”
A tear escaped as she shook her head. “No, sir. May I be dismissed, sir?”
Harding could see that she was having difficulty keeping her emotions under wraps. “Yeah, sure. Do you wanna take the day off?”
Jessie stopped at the door, thinking about it, but decided against it. “It’s probably better that I keep busy.”
He nodded. “Ok, but if you need anything, let me know.”
“Yes, sir.”
Leaving Welsh’s office she walked woodenly down the hall to the closet. She shut the door and collapsed onto a bucket. Silent sobs racked her frame. She’d been warned by Ray’s letter, but hearing it from the Lieutenant made it real, made it sink in. Ray was gone and it could be a long time before he returned. The pain was so intense she had trouble breathing. The tears ran unchecked, her broken heart aching inside her chest. How was she supposed to go on? Because Ray asked you to. You have to be strong for him, to keep him safe so he can come back to you some day.
It was this thought that made her dry her eyes. When she finally had some control, she left the closet and went to the bathroom where she splashed cold water on her face in an effort to relieve some of the puffiness around her eyes. After doing the best she could, Jessie went to work, trying to occupy her mind with the paperwork and handing out files.
Sitting through the meeting about Ray was sheer torture. Not only did she have to hear how Ray was gone one more time, but she had to suffer the sympathetic glances from some of the officers and other staff. The meeting over, she had to pass through the squad room to get back to her post. It was a shock to her system to find a strange man sitting at Ray’s desk. His blonde hair was spiky and his intense blue gaze focused on her.
Joe Higgins, another detective came up behind Jessie. He put an arm around her shoulders. Leaning over he said softly, “Sorry about Vecchio but I can always fill in and keep you warm at night.”
Pure rage burned inside her chest. She stomped on his foot and rammed an elbow into his gut. Moving away from him, she hooked a foot around his ankle and shoved him backwards. Joe, a rather large man, went over on his ass, crashing into a chair as he went.
“C’mon, get up, Joe. Get up and say something like that to me again ‘cause I’m just itching to kick your ass for you right here in front of everyone.”
“You crazy bitch! Stay away from me!”
“Bitch? You haven’t seen the bitch in me yet, but I’ll be happy to show you.” Hands wrapped around Jessie’s upper arms.
“Hey, uh, I think he gets the message, Jessie.” The voice was unfamiliar to her and she turned to see who it was. It was Ray’s replacement. He was smiling. “I don’t think he’s gonna be a problem from here on in. Am I right, Joe?” he asked, the implied threat clear. “Don’t think I’m gonna put up with you hassling her.”
Joe had gained his feet again. “Yeah, whatever.”
“Ray” guided her to the lunch room to cool off. He sat down across a table from her.
“That was great,” he said with a grin.
Jessie couldn’t resist returning his smile. “I couldn’t help it. The jackass made an inappropriate offer and he got what he deserved.”
Ray nodded. “I understand. You want a coffee?” he asked starting to dig around in his jeans for change. They had seen better days, the same with the black T-shirt he wore. It was something that her Ray wouldn’t have been caught dead in.
“No. Not this coffee at least. I always bring Ray fresh coffee that I make at home.”
“Really? Wow, that’s really nice of you.”
“I brought some this morning if you’d like some.”
“Yeah. It’s gotta be better than this slop.”
Jessie got up. “Ok. I’ll bring it to Ray’s-your desk.”

She arrived at Ray’s desk, slid the mug Ray always used closer and filled it from the thermos. Closing her eyes, Jessie fought against a wave of pain. She took a deep breath and opened them again. Ray’s direct gaze never left her face as she tried to get herself under control.
“Thank you,” he said gently.
“You’re welcome. I’ll see you later,” she responded and walked away. How was she supposed to pretend that this strange man was the love of her life? Jessie knew she had to in order to keep Ray safe, at least for a little while. Welsh had informed her that at an appropriate time they could stage a breakup.
Throughout the day there were constant reminders of Ray everywhere, each one adding a new bruise to her battered heart. Around noon this Ray came to see her.
“I thought we could go for lunch, so we could talk.”
“Ok,” she agreed with an attempt at a smile.
Stanley Raymond Kowalski felt his heart