A Book of Burlesques by H. L. Mencken (free ebook reader for pc .txt) 📕

and waiting for the doctor or the embalmer. A few pink, blue-eyed, tight-skinned, clean-looking babies, smiling upon the world....

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XIV.—HOMEOPATHICS
XIV.—Homeopathics

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1.
Scene Infernal.

During a lull in the uproar of Hell two voices were heard.

“My name,” said one, “was Ludwig van Beethoven. I was no ordinary musician. The Archduke Rudolph used to speak to me on the streets of Vienna.”

“And mine,” said the other, “was the Archduke Rudolph. I was no ordinary archduke. Ludwig van Beethoven dedicated a trio to me.”

2.
The Eternal Democrat.

A Socialist, carrying a red flag, marched through the gates of Heaven.

“To Hell with rank!” he shouted. “All men are equal here.”

Just then the late Karl Marx turned a corner and came into view, meditatively stroking his whiskers. At once the Socialist fell upon [232]his knees and touched his forehead to the dust.

“O Master!” he cried. “O Master, Master!”

3.
The School of Honor.

A trembling young reporter stood in the presence of an eminent city editor.

“If I write this story,” said the reporter, “it will rob a woman of her good name.”

“If you don’t write it,” said the city editor, “I’ll give you a kick in the pantaloons.”

Next day the young reporter got a raise in salary and the woman swallowed two ounces of permanganate of potassium.

4.
Proposed Plot For a Modern Novel.

Herman was in love with Violet, the wife of Armand, an elderly diabetic. Armand showed three per cent of sugar a day. Herman and Violet, who were Christians, awaited with virtuous patience the termination of Armand’s distressing malady.

One day Dr. Frederick M. Allen discovered his cure for diabetes.

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5.
Victory.

“I wooed and won her,” said the Man of His Wife.

“I made him run,” said the Hare of the Hound.

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XV.—VERS LIBRE
XV.—Vers Libre

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