Goodbye Cheese state and Hello Cali by Missy (good ebook reader txt) 📕

hurt! It really hurt.
“ You can’t talk to anyone. Only me, and your family, and unfortunately, Tristan is your family,” he said glaring. I sat there, I wanted to attack him. rip his throat out. I wanted to cry and scream, but I will never let him see me cry again. Never. “ I should get going, it was nice seeing you baby,” he said kissing my neck. I wanted to vomit. I hated his touch, his voice, his face! I hated him. He got up and left. I sat there for a few minutes, until I heard his car start up and slowly heard it leave. I sat there, and then my shoulders fell forward, and I slumped my back leaning forward. I let out a deep breath, and then I broke down crying. I couldn’t stop. My body was shaking. I couldn’t stop shaking. I slowly got up, but I sat right back down. I couldn’t stand, by legs where shaking so badly. I couldn’t move. I just sat there. I don’t even know how long I sat there. I felt a hand on my shoulder, I jumped.
“ Chill,” Tristan laughed. I looked around and it was dark. How long have I been out here?
“ What time is it?” I whispered.
“ Around seven thirty.” He said sitting down next to me. I have sat out here for over three hours. Just sat here… not even thinking. “ What have you been doing out here for so long?”
“ I don’t know.”
“ What do you mean, you don’t know?” I shrugged my shoulders. I really don’t know. “ Mayella,” He said. I continued to look down. I didn’t feel like talking. I just wanted to go lay down. “Are you going to school tomorrow?” I nodded my head. “ Okay…” We sat there.
“ What do you think it’s like to die,” my voice said. I didn’t even realize what I said, until even I, processed it. Tristan was a little caught off guard by this question.
“ Well… Uhh…” He stopped rubbing the back of his neck. “ Why would you even wonder that?”
“ Why wouldn’t you.”
“ Well… I guess I don’t really think about what it would be like to die, because I want to live. I don’t want to think about dyeing, because even if some people don’t want to accept it, we have such a short amount of time, and I don’t really want to waste it thinking about something so… depressing.”
“ So, if someone thinks about dying, then do you believe they don’t want to live?” I asked.
“ Not necessarily.”
“ You think they want to die?”
“ No. No one wants to die, but sometimes people thinks it’s the easiest way to solve a problem, but in reality it is probably the worst thing to do, because it can cause so many more problems.”
“ but what if they are miserable, what if the only thing that can really help them is dying.” He was silent. I slowly looked at him, and he sat there thinking.
“ I don’t know.” he finally said. I looked away from him nodding my head. we sat there, and the thought of death, it almost… made me happy.


Chapter fifteen:
I stood in front of the mirror, wearing the outfit that he told me to wear. Tuesday morning, I don’t want to go to school. Maybe I can stay home again, I know I could, but if I did what would he do… Ryder. My thighs had bruises all over them. I walked over to my dresser, and got some liquid cover up, putting it all over my thighs. I put some on my neck too, because I had some visible bruises there too. I had a lot of bruises, I was good at covering them though.
“ hurry up Mayella!” I heard Tristan call out. I looked over at my door.
“ I uh, I got a ride,” I yelled back.
“ Okay! See you at school!” He called out, and I heard his footsteps go up the stairs. I looked back in the mirror. I looked so girly, like such a whore. I hated it. I let out a sigh, looking at myself. I really don’t know what has become of me. I am a different person. How could I have ever let someone do this to me, to have this control over me. I heard my phone go off, and I walked around my room looking for my phone, and found it under a bed sheet.
“ Hello?” I said answering the phone.
“ get outside, I’m here,” Ryder’s voice drifted through the phone.
“ Okay,” I said and I hung up. I grabbed my book bag, throwing it over my shoulder, and I flinched feeling my book bag lay on my shoulder, which had a bruise on it. I sighed, and walked out of my room closing the door, and made my way out of the house. When I got outside, I let out a deep breath.
“ Here we go,” I whispered to myself making way over to the car. I opened the car door and sat down, and when I closed the car door, we both just sat there for a few minutes. I slowly looked over at him, and he was looking out at the road, his hands clenched onto the steering wheel. The car was off. I sat there. Why weren’t we moving? He finally looked over at me, looking from my legs up, and he nodded his head. His put his hand on my knee, slowly moving it up and down my thigh. I felt like I was going to throw up.
“ You hung up on me,” he hissed, his hand traveling farther up my thigh. I was looking down but I had my eyes closed.
“ I- I’m sorry,” I whispered. He lifted his hand grabbing my cheek.
“ It’s fine, don’t do it again,” he smiled. I nodded my head, and he put his hands back on the steering wheel, and started up the car, and we headed off. I sat there, and I felt disgusted. He is nuts, I swear to god, there is something wrong with him. I know there is. We pulled up to the school, and I sat there for a few minutes, and I felt my heart stop. I was going to see Pete and Allan, and I was going to see Nella. And Zoe, I haven’t talked to her… I don’t remember the last time I talked to her. Guilt washed over me, and I felt sad, and I felt scared. I didn’t want to see anyone. We pulled up in front of the door, and Ryder, slapped my leg hard. I jumped.
“ did you hear me?” He hissed. No.
“ yeah.”
He nodded his head and got out of the car, and I got out too, and he came around walking next to me, and wrapped his arm around my waist, so that I was close next to him.
“ Hey Mayella!” I heard a voice say. “ Mayella!” it was louder. It was Zoe. Hearing her made me so damn happy, but then I was sad. I felt her hand on my shoulder, and Ryder stopped, still his arm around me. She stood in front of us. “ Hey,” She smiled. She looked at me, my outfit, the look on my face. She knew I wasn’t the same. She knew there was something wrong. Oh please, please! Please realize what’s going on! Her smiled faded. She looked over at Ryder, eyeing him. “ Hey May, can I talk to you for a minute?” She asked. I felt his hand grab my side, and he held me hard. really hard.
“ I uh, I actually have to do something,” I mumbled. She stood there looking between the two of us. She side stepped us, and Ryder pulled me along with him, and I looked over my shoulder at her, and she stood there watching us. She looked hurt. Like I was choosing him over her. I would never…
“ I don’t want you talking to that girl anymore,” he hissed in my ear. I shivered.
“ She is one of my best friend,” I whispered.
“ I don’t give a damn.” He growled. I didn’t say another word after that. I didn’t dare to say another word. I knew better. We stopped in front of my first class, and he leaned me against the wall looking down at me. “ I’ll see you at lunch, ok babe,” he whispered against my neck.
“ okay,” I said dryly.
“ love you,” he said. His hand went to the back of my neck, to anyone else, we just looked like a lovey dovey couple in the hall, but in reality, he had a death grip on the back of my neck. I felt like I was going to pass out.
“ love you too,” I quickly blurted out. He smiled, and walked away. I let out a sigh, and walked into art. Every class, I sat there. It felt amazing, that I wasn’t around Ryder. I didn’t want to be around him. I dreaded lunch. When I would walk into the lunch room, Ryder wouldn’t let me sit with Zoe and Chris, is he going to make me sit with him, Pete, and Allan… Oh god, I cant. I can’t sit with those three. That night would replay in my head, and I would puke. I know it. Before I knew it, the bell rang for lunch. I walked out of my class, and Ryder was right there waiting for me. He smiled, and I just walked next to him, and we made our way to the lunch room. When we walked in, I looked over at Chris and zoe’s table, and I felt my heart breaking. Chris looked up at me and smiled, and waved at me. I didn’t dare wave back. I just followed Ryder, and ignoring Chris, it made him look so sad. I felt so bad, I could win an award the worst person in the world right now. I wanted to cry, but I didn’t. We walked to a back table, and I looked up and saw Pete and Allan. I couldn’t look at them, I would NOT look at them. Ryder sat down, and I sat next to him across from Pete. I kept my head down, and they were all laughing.
“ So May, how are you?” Allan said, sounding happy.
“ Mayella,” I muttered.
“ What?” he laughed.
“ Don’t call me May,” I said shaking my head. he laughed, and I felt Ryder’s hand on my thigh, and he was squeezing it. I bit my lip. The three talked about things, and I just wanted to drop dead. I can’t be free at home, I can’t be free at school. I don’t have friends, I don’t have anyone to talk to. I have no one. I’m too scared to have anyone. The thought of suicide, I always thought was horrible. I never ever thought it was right, but I never tried to see it through someone’s eyes. it’s like, when everything is bad, and you don’t think it can get worse it does. Imagine having no one, being alone, in a scary place, and every move you make, you have to be careful, because you never know when you’re going to get punished. The bell rang, and I jumped. I was completely zoned out. They all stood up, and Ryder looked down at me.
“ I’ll see you later,” he said. I nodded my head, and continued to sit there. I didn’t want to go