The Ten Pleasures of Marriage<br />and the Second Part, The Confession of the New Married Couple by A. Marsh (best free novels txt) 📕

to be fed as is most convenient; and there's then a discourse held concerning them, as if they were persons of some extraordinary state, quality, and great valour. Not a word must be spoke, (as much as if there were a penalty imposed upon it) but of Cock-fighting. Here Master Capon vaunts that his Game-Cock was hard enough for the gallant Shake-bag of Sir John Boaster; although Sir John Boasters famous Shake-bag, but three weeks before, had fought against that incomparable Game-Cock of Squire Owls-eg, and claw'd him off severely.

Here you may see abundance of Country Gentlemen and rich Farmers, coming from several parts with their Cocks in their bags to the Battel; hanging them up there in ample form till it be their turns to fight. And there also you may behold Lord Spendall brought thither in his Coach very magnificently, and carried home in no less state; but seldom goes away before he hath either won or lost a pretty number of Guinneys.

Yea there's Squire Clearpurse, with his Princely companion, who keep alwaies six and thirty Game-Cocks at nurse by the Master of the Pit; never goes away from thence, before he hath got, by his ordinary dunghill Cock that runs about the streets, and without false spurs too, half a score Crown-pieces, and as much more as will pay his reckoning in his pocket. But if they both begin to appear with their Shake-bags, then it is, Stand clear Gentlemen, here comes the honour of the Pit; and then the Master of the Pit must have out of each Battel for Sharpning the Spurs, and clipping of the neck feathers, half a Ginny; and then when the Battels ended, he brings into the reckoning half a Crown extra for Brandy, Salve, and cherishing and chafing it by the fire, &c. But for this, they have the honour also to be in the Chamber with the principallest Gentlemen, to sit in the best places of the Pit; to turn the hour-glass and like prudent Aldermen, in the presence of all the Auditors, to give their judgements touching the contending parties; where there are generally more Consultations, Advices, and Sentences, held and pronounced, then are to be found or heard of in the principallest Law-books or Statutes of the Kingdom.

It would be here an everlasting shame; if the Conqueror, like a Niggard, should carry all this mony home; therefore the greatest part must be given and generously spent with the company. This is the duty of every one, whose Cock hath beaten anothers out of the Pit, and went away Crowing like a Conqueror. Nay, what's matter if it were all spent, its no such great peece of business; the honours more worth then the mony.

In the mean while it grows late in the night, and the good woman, with the Table covered, sits longing, telling every minute, and hoping for the coming home of him, who seems to find and take more pleasure in Cockfighling, then like a brave Game-Cock himself to enter into the Pit with his Wife. O most contrary and miserable Pleasure of marriage on the mens side.

But amongst these Cock-Merchants, I am of opinion, there's none hath more pleasure then the Master of the Pit; because he gets more for the feeding, clipping, salving, and anointing of them, &c. then ten good Nurses, and put them all together. And moreover he hath all the pleasure for nothing, and is mighty observant to feed and tickle their fancies, and obey their commands, that their delight therein may the more and more increase, and the reckoning also be ne'r a whit the less.

And these Lovers and Gentlemen are no sooner departed, but he laies him down very orderly in a very fashionable Bedstead, hung round about the Curtains and Vallians with Hens-Eg-shels suck'd out. But if he did, for the same purpose, suck out all the Cocks-Egshels, it would be a much more rare and pleasant sight.

There is yet another sort of men, which we in like manner find, that consume their time, neglect their occasion, and spend their mony with Dog-fighting, Bull and Bear-baiting, as the Cock-Merchants do with Cock-fighting. One way that they take pleasure in, is to bring their Dogs together, and there fight them for a Wager of five, or ten pound, and somtimes more; which mony must be set or stak'd down, though they hardly know how to find as much more again in the whole World, and there the poor Dogs by biting and tearing one anothers skins and flesh in pieces, for the pleasure of their fantastical Masters; and if the Wager be, in the least manner to be contradicted, then too't they go themselves, and thump and knock one another till they look more like beasts then men.

This being done, the next meeting is, to try their Bear and Bull-Dogs at the Bear Garden; the match being made, all their wits must be screw'd up to the highest, how to get mony to make good their wagers; though Wife, House and Family should sink in the mean while: Then away they go with their Tousers and Rousers to the Bear-garden, and then the Bull being first brought to the stake, the Challenger lets fly at her, and the Bull perceiving the Dog coming, slants him under the belly with her horns, and tosses him as high as the Gallerys, this is much laught at; but his Master, very earnestly and tenderly, catching him in the fall, tries him the second time, when he comes off with little better success: Then his Adversary lets loose his Dog at the Bull, who running close with his belly to the ground, fastens under the Bulls nose by the skin of the under-lip; the Bull shaking and roaring to get him loose, but he holds faster and faster; then up flie caps and hats, shouting out the excessive joy that there is for this most noble victory.

Now comes the Bear dogs, being stout swinging Mastives; and the Bearard having brought the Bear to the Stake, unrings him, and turns him about, so that he may see the Dog, that's to play at him; the Challenger lets fly his Dog, which being a cruel strong Cur rises up to the Bears nose, fastens and turns him topsy-turvy; there's no small joy and an eccho of Shouts that makes the very earth tremble; then there's pulling and hawling to get him off from the Bear: Then the Adversary let's fly his Dog, who coming to fasten, the Bear being furious and angry that he was so plagu'd with the first Dog, claps his paw about the back of him, and squeezes him that he howls and runs; there stands the Master, looking like an Owl in an Ivybush, to see the stakes drawn, and he haply with never a penny in his pocket, hath no mony at home, nor knows not where to get any. And that which vexeth him worst of all, is, that his delicate Dog is utterly spoil'd.

But we'l leave of these inhuman, and brutal stories; and rather relate the Confession of another sort of Men; who are generally of a longing temper, not much unlike to the big-bellied weak women; nay, sometimes do therein far surpas the Women: And altho they know that it is never so damagable or hurtfull unto them, yet dare boldly say:

When Women long, it harms by chance,
But mens desire's a worser dance.

And in this they are both bold and shameless, clear contrary to Women-kind; in so much that they without fear or terror, dare, at noon day, say to their Pot-companions: I have a mighty mind to a pipe of Tabacco, come lets go to the Sun, half Moon, or to the Golden Fleece, and smoke a pipe: where they rip up such a multiplicity of discourse, and consume so much time and Tabacco; that if they tasted neither beer nor wine, they might with all reason be upbraided to be debauch'd persons. But it would be a work as inexpressible as infinite to relate their longing appetites at all other times, to Musmillions, Seldry, Anchovis, Olives, or slubbring Caviart, with all their appurtenances. Much more their liquorishness at Oisters, where they stand greedily swallowing them up in the open shops, not giving themselves time to send for them to a Tavern, and eat them decently.

If they did thus, in the presence of their Wives, they might have some pleasure of it also: But the content hereof seems to consist therein, that either alone, or with their Fraternity, they may thus lustily satisfie their longing appetites.

Here we shall commend the Lovers of Tee, because they are willing to make use of it in the company of women; although there be now a daies so much formality used with it, and so much time idly spent in the consumption of it, that it seems almost as if this herb were found out, or brought over to no other purpose, then to be the occasion of an honest chatting-school, between men and women; where you may have intelligence of all that passes betwixt married and unmarried persons throughout the whole City. And wo be to them that have the least symptom of a meazle upon their tongue, for the true lovers of Tee, are like unto the Suppers up of Coffy, and are the best News-Mongers for all things that happens in the City, yea almost in all Kingdoms; and when you hear the men speak seriously of such matters; it is as if they had the best correspondence for intelligence out of all Princes Courts; but especially, if this miracle