The Ten Pleasures of Marriage<br />and the Second Part, The Confession of the New Married Couple by A. Marsh (best free novels txt) 📕

In this last many Fathers commit great errors, who, when they are hot-headed with multiplicity of Wine, take little regard of the bad examples they shew unto their Children and Families. Nay some there are that will in their sobrest sence go with their sons, as if they were their companions, into a Tavern without making any sort of difference; and also, when there is a necessity or occasion for it, know but very slenderly how to demonstrate their paternal prudence and respect; but in this manner let loose the bridle of government over their children.

Thus I knew an understanding Father do, who with some other Gentlemen, and his son, being upon a journy together, to take care of some important affairs; but seeing that at every Inn where they came, that his fellow-travellers were resolute blades, and that he must pay as deep to his son as himself; exhorted his son to take his full share of all things, and especially of the Wine; every foot whispering him in the ear, Peter, drink, and then after a little while, again, Peter, drink; And as he recommended this so earnestly to his son, he himself very diligently lost no time to get his share; which continued so long that going out of the chamber for their necessities, they both fell into a channel, where clasping each other in the arms, the son said, Father! are we not now like brothers?

By this we may observe, what the Father of a Family, by his examples, may do. But you, O well-match'd Woman, have no need to fear this sort of president in your husband, because he is a perfect hater of excessive drinking, and an enemy to such company that alwaies frequent Taverns and Ale-houses; and if he doth go once among good acquaintance, and take a glass more then ordinary, which is but seldom, there's nothing that he doth less then maunder and mumble; but he's all for kissing, hugging and dallying; hating pot-company to the highest, or those that make it their business, or spend their times in the Summer with going a Fishing, and in the Winter go a Birding; upon which sort of Gentlemen this old rime was made:

Who in the Winter Bird, and Summers go a Fishing,
Have no bad meat in Tub, that is not worth the dishing.

But your husband on the contrary, takes especial care of his affairs; and for the pleasure and ease of his wife, goes himself to market, there buies a good joint of meat or a Fowl, and gets it made ready, and sits down and eats it with his beloved: Then when he and you have very relishingly satisfied your appetites, and drunk two or three glas of wine into the bargain, he invites you very quietly to walk up stairs into your chamber to say a day-lesson. Well who could wish for greater Pleasure then this!

O good Woman, how happy are you, if, as well as your husband you can keep your self in these joys and delights. What state or condition is there in this World that may be compared to such a loving, friendly and well accomplished match! For without jesting, it happens hardly once in a thousand times that a match falls out so well. And although it did, yet it is not free from a thousand crosses and dissatisfactions, which are done unto you either by children, wicked friends, or somtimes bad neighbours: and are oftentimes so many, that if they were all drawn up in one Picture; we should, in good truth, see more grief and horror in it, then is demonstrated in the very Picture of Hell it self. But one pound of the hony of sweet love, can easily balance a hundred weight of that terrible and bitter Wormwood.

But where is there one among all the whole number of tender young Gentlewomen, who being incountred by an airy exquisite Lover, that doth not start back with a thousand troublesom cogitations; and beleeves, that he, who thus earnestly affects her, is at the least possessed with one of these terribly evil natures? Nay, perhaps with some what else, as a cross-grain'd pate, a grumbling gizzard, not wel in his sences, jealous thoughts, or the actions of a Cotquean are his companions; and that is more then all these, keeps hid a certain imbecility in his defective nature; which is no waies to be discovered till the nuptial rites be absolutely celebrated.

This seems to be a great occasion and reason to have an abhorrance for marrying. But when we begin again with serious judgement to consider, the weaknesses, strange humors, and deficiences, that the most gaudiest and neatest Ladies are subject to; experience will teach us, that they are Cakes bak'd of one Dough, and Fruits of one Tree.

And therefore they are very happy, if two of one mind, and alike natured meet together; but if two of contrary humors happen together, there is nothing to be expected but grief, sorrow, and destruction; unless it happen that the understanding of the one knows extraordinarily how to assist the weakness of the other; by somtimes letting loose a rope and then drawing it in again; whereby they may the prudentlier sail against wind and tide. These do arrive in the Haven of the Pleasures of Marriage, whereas others on the contrary suffer most miserable Shipwrack.

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Published by the Navarre Society, London.

Under a thousand Pleasures that we find in the estate of marriage, it is none of the least, to see the Woman put the breeches on, seeming that she will act the part of a Jack-pudding. But melancoly men oftentimes cannot bear with such sort of jesting, and presently bawl and rail at such a Woman, calling her a Monster, or some other ill name. Although they know very well that such sort of Monsters are now a daies so common, that if they were all to be shewn in Booths for farthings a peece, there would be less spectators, then there was to see the Sheep with five legs, or the great Crocodile.

Verily, such men are unhappy, and they do not a little also neglect these Pleasures; when they, forsooth, think that by the putting on of the breeches, must be understood that they are over Lorded, and that the Hen crows louder then the Cock. O miserable man, if your head be possest with this kind of frenzy, and can't be removed! Verily, if you had but seen the Plate of the Women fighting for the Breeches, you would be of another judgement. For in those daies the man was glad to be rid of them, if he could but get the lining untorn or indamaged; for he saw perfectly that the World was at that time so full of those pretty Beldams, that there was begun a most bloody War between the better sort of Gentlewomen, and the meaner degree of Women, for the gaining of the Breeches, wherein Ketels and Pans, Tongs and Fireshovels, Spinning-wheels, Brooms and Maps were all beaten out of fashion. And it may very well be thought, that if the Woman had put them on at first, and so have helpt him to have kept them, this wonderfull and destructive War would never have risen to that fury. Therefore it is no small prudence of the Women in these daies, who are descended from that family, to take care, at the very first, for the good of their husbands, that the Breeches may be well preserved.

But let's be serious, and pass by all these kind of waggeries; if we consider the husband as Captain, and the Wife as Lieutenant, is it not in the highest degree necessary, that she should have also a part of the masculine knowledge and authority? Besides, women must be silent in Politick and Church-government, why should not they have somthing to say in those places where they are houswives? We see certainly, that the men, for the most part, cannot tarry at home, and will be going hither or thither to take the air, or for his pleasure, or to smoke a pipe of Tabacco; as is shew'd you in the Fifth Confession; if then, in the mean while, the Woman, through occasion of some Customers in the Shop, or in the government of the Men and Maid-servants should not in some measure shew that she had in part the Breeches on, and that she could in the absence of her Captain, take care of his Command; how is it possible that the Trading should be kept in order, and the Children and