The Ten Pleasures of Marriage<br />and the Second Part, The Confession of the New Married Couple by A. Marsh (best free novels txt) 📕

Windows are so thick with dirt, that the Sun can hardly shine through them. Whose first word is, when any body comes into their house, What! by reason of these sad times a body hath neither joy nor delight in their houskeeping. If we wash the glass windows, they are in danger of breaking, and at present we cannot bear with any losses. And these ordinarily have more pratling and felling then any other women, and no body knows any thing better then these sworn tittletattlers; they are seldom to be found with a pin-cushion upon their laps; and are the occasion that their houses, children and Maids stink of filth and sluttishness, with their cloaths out at the elbous, and their stockins out at the heels. Whilest their husbands sit in the Alehouses, and seek by drinking, domineering and gaming to drive these damps of the sad times out of theire brains; which continueth so long, till that all is consumed, and they both fly damnably in debt to their Creditors.

Well then, you worthy and faithfull Houskeepers, you see now the unhappy state and condition of these venomous controulers of others: And on the contrary, you may perceive how happy the bad times, like a prudent Instructor, makes you; what a quantity of understanding and delight it imparts unto you; whilest you both, with joint resolution, diligent hands and vigilant eys, indeavor the maintenance and setting up of your Family. Be assured, that this care and frugality will so root it self in your very bones, that although the times changed and grew better, you would reserve a stedfast delight in the promoting the good and benefit of your houskeeping; and withall leave to your children such riches and good examples, that they will follow your footsteps of carefulness with delight, and lay a hand to the plough, thereby to demonstrate that they were of a good extraction: which if it so happen, you will inherit one of the greatest and desiredst Pleasures that is to be found in the Married estate.

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Published by The Navarre Society, London.

The Eighth Pleasure. The Parents would bring up their son in their way of Trade, but he hath no mind to't. He is put to School out of the City. Grows a Scholler, commits much mischief. Is apprehended and informed what a Schollerlike life is.

Uds life, now I thinke on't, amongst the Pleasures of Mariage, this is none of the least, when one sees their children feed well, and grow up healthfully and merrily; and their stomacks in a morning are as soon open as their eys; then at noons they can claw it away at a good dish, as well as persons of full growth and years; and about four of the clock their appetites are again prepared for an afternoons lunchion; insomuch that they can eat you into poverty, without making their teeth bleed. O it is such a delight to see that they continually grow up so slovenly and wastfully in their cloaths, that they must needs have every half year almost a new suit, and that alwaies a little bigger; whereby the Father sees that he shall in short time have a son to be his man in the shop, and the mother a daughter to be her caretakester and controulster of the Kitchin.

Thus we advance in the estate of Mariage, from one pleasure to another. O how happy you'l be, if your children be but pliable and courteous, and grow up in obedience, and according to your example! But we see in the generality, that as their understanding increases, that also their own wills and desires do in like manner not diminish.

Perhaps you meet with some such symptoms as these are in your own son; for having been some years learning the Latine Tongue at Pauls or Merchant Tailors School; he is then inveagled by some of the neighbors sons to go with them to learn the Italian or French language; to which purpose they know of a very delicate Boarding school a little way out of the City; and then they baptize it with the name, that he hath such a longing and earnest desire to learn it, that he cannot rest in the night for it.

What will you do? The charge there of, the bad times, and the necessity you have for him at home, makes you perswade him from it, and to proffer him convenient occasions in the City; but what helps it, the fear of drawing the child from that which he has so much a mind to; and may be, that also, wherein his whole good fortune consists, causes you to take a resolution to fullfill his desire. Away he's sent then, and agreed for. And then there must be a Trunk furnisht, with all manner of linnen and cloaths, with other toys and sweet meats, and mony in his pocket to boot.

Having been some small time there he sends some letters for what he wants. Which is, with recommendations of being saving and diligent, sent unto him. And it is no small pleasure for the Parents, if they do but see that he is an indifferent proficiant. All their delight and pleasure is, when time will permit, to go to their son, and to shew him their great love and affection.

But the Daughter, which goes along with her Mother, is kindled with no small matter of jealousie to see that her Brother puts her Parents to so much charge, gets what he pleases, and that their minds are never at rest about him. When she, on the contrary, being at home, is thrust by her Mother into the drudgery of the house, or kept close to her needle. Yet these are pacified with a fine lace, a ring, or some such sort of trinkom trankoms; and then with telling them into the bargain, when your brother comes home he shall keep the shop.

This the Father is in expectation of. And the son being come home, gives a great Pleasure to his Father and Mother, by reason he speaks such good Latin and Italian, and is so gentile in his behaviour: but to look to the shop, he hath no mind to. Say what they will, talk is but talk. All his desire and mind is to go to the University either of Oxford or Cambridge. And although the Father in some measure herein yeelds and consents; the Mother, on the other side, can by no means resolve to it; for her main aim was, that her son should be brought up in the shop; because that in the absence, or by decease of her husband, he might then therein be helpfull to her. Besides that, it is yet fresh in her memory, that when her Brother studied at Oxford, what a divellish deal of mony it cost, and what complaints there come of his student-like manner of living. Insomuch that there was hardly a month past, but the Proctor of the Colledge, or the Magistracy of the City must have one or other penalty paid them.

Now they try to imploy the son in the shop, who delights in no less melody then the tune of that song: letting slip no occasion that he can meet with to get out of the shop; and shew himself, with all diligence, willing to be a Labourer in the Tennis Court, or at the Bilyard Table; and is not ashamed, if there be hasty work, in the evening, to tarry there till it be past eleven of the clock. What a pleasure this vigilance is to the Father and Mother, those that have experience know best. Especially when they in the morning call their son to confession, and between Anger and Love catechize him with severall natural and kind reproofs.

'Tis but labour lost, and ill whistling, if the horse won't drink. What remedy? turn it, and wind it so as you will.

The son his mind to study is full bent,
Or else will live upon his yearly rent.

Here must be a counsell held by wisdom, prudence, love and patience. Here also the imaginations of incapableness or want of monies must be conquered; for to constrain a son to that he hath no mind to, is the ready way to dull his genious, and perhaps bring him to what is worser, to wit, running after whores or Gaming. And to teach him how to live upon his yearly means, the tools are too damn'd costly. So that now the Parents have true experience of the old Proverb.

The Children in their youth, oft make their Parents smart,
Being come to riper years, they vex their very heart.

Nevertheless, after you have turn'd it and wound it so as you will, the sending of him to the University of Oxford bears the sway; and there to let him study Theology being the modestest Faculty, by one of the learnedst and famousest Doctors. And verily, he goes forward so nobly, that, in few months, before he half knows the needfull Philosophy, he is found to be a Master of Arts in Villany. And moreover, the Parents were by some good friends informed, that lately he was acting the domineering student, and being catcht by the watch, was brought into the Court of Guard; but through the extraordinary intercession of his own and some other Doctors, they privately let him go out again.

A little longer time being expired, he sends Post upon Post dunning letters; his quarter of