Samantha at the World's Fair by Marietta Holley (ebook and pdf reader txt) đź“•
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- Author: Marietta Holley
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"Nater plotted it so," sez he; "nater designs the male of creation to branch out, to venter, to labor, to dare, while the female stays to hum and tends to her children and the housework." Sez he, "In all the works of nater the females stay to hum, and the males soar out free.
"It is a sweet and solemn truth," sez he, "and female wimmen ort to lay it to heart. In these latter days," sez he, "too many females are a-risin' up, and vainly a-tryin' to kick aginst this great law. But they can't knock it over," sez he—"the female foot hain't strong enough."
He wuz a-goin' on in this remarkably eloquent way on his congenial theme, but I kinder drawed him in by remindin' him of Miss Sheldon's tent we see in the Transportation Buildin'—the one she used in her lonely journeyin' a-explorin' the Dark Continent. Sez I, "There is a woman that has kinder branched out."
"Yes," sez he, "but men had to carry her." Sez he, "Samantha, the Lord designed it that females should stay to hum and tend to their[Pg 608] babies, and wash the dishes. And when you go aginst that idee you are goin' aginst the everlastin' forces of nater. Nater has always had laws sot and immovable, and always will have 'em, and a passel of wimmen managers or lecturers hain't a-goin' to turn 'em round.
"Nater made wimmen and sot 'em apart for domestic duties—some of which I have enumerated," sez he.
"Whilst the males, from creation down, have been left free to skirmish round and git a livin' for themselves and the females secreted in the holy privacy of the hum life."
Jest as he reached this climax we come in front of the Ostrich Farm, where thirty of the long-legged, humbly creeters are kept, and we hearn the keeper a-describin' the habits of the ostriches to some folks that stood round him.
And Josiah, feelin' dretful good-natered and kinder patronizin' towards wimmen, and thinkin' that he wuz a-goin' to be strengthened in his talk by what the man wuz a-sayin', sez to me in a dretful, overbearin', patronizin' way, and some with the air as if he owned a few of the ostriches, and me, too, he kinder stood up straight and crooked his forefinger and bagoned to me.
[Pg 609]
"Samantha," sez he, "draw near and hear these interestin' remarks. I always love," sez he, "to have females hear about the works of nater. It has a tendency," sez he, "to keep her in her place."
Sez the man as we drew near, a-goin' on with his remarks—he wuz addressin' some big man—but we hearn him say, sez he—
"The ostrich lays about a dozen and a half eggs in the layin' season—one every other day—and then she sets on the eggs about six hours out of the twenty-four, the male bird takin' her place for eighteen hours to her six.
"The male bird, as you see, stays to hum and sets on the eggs three times as long as she duz, and takes the entire care of the young ostriches, while the female roams round free, as you may say."
I turned round and sez to Josiah, "How interestin' the works of Nater are, Josiah Allen. How it puts woman in her proper spear, and men, too!"
He looked real meachin' for most a minute, and then a look of madness and dark revenge come over his liniment. A tall, humbly male bird stood nigh him, as tall agin most as he wuz.
And as I looked at Josiah he muttered, "I'll learn him—I'll learn the cussed fool to keep in his own spear."
[Pg 610]
I laid holt of his vest, and sez I, "What, do you mean, Josiah Allen, by them dark threats? Tell me instantly," sez I, for I feared the worst.
"Seein' this dum fool is so willin' to take work on him that don't belong for males to do, I'll give him a job at it. I'll see if I can't ride some of the consarned foolishness out of him."
Sez I, "Be calm, Josiah; don't throw away your own precious life through madness and revenge. The ostrich hain't to blame, he's only actin' out Nater."
"Nater!" sez Josiah scornfully—"Nater for males to stay to hum and set on eggs, and hatch 'em, and brood young ones? Don't talk to me!"
He wuz almost by the side of himself.
And in spite of my almost frenzied appeals to restrain him, he lanched upon him.
You could ride 'em by payin' so much, and money seemed to Josiah like so much water then, so wild with wrath and revenge wuz he.
I see he would go, and I reached my hand up, and sez I, "Dear Josiah, farewell!"
But he only nodded to me, and I hearn him murmurin' darkly—
"Seein' he's so dum accommodatin' that he's took wimmen's work on him that they ort to do themselves, I'll give him a pull that will be apt to teach him his own place."
[Pg 611]
And he started off at a fearful rate; round and round that inclosure they went, Josiah layin' his cane over the sides of the bird, and the keeper a-yellin' at him that he'd be killed.
And when they come round by us the first time I heard him a-aposthrofizin' the bird—
"Don't you want to set on some more eggs? don't you want to brood a spell?" and then he would kick him, and the ostrich would jump, and leap, and rare round. But the third time he come round I see a change—I see deadly fear depictered in his mean, and sez he wildly—
"Samantha, save me! save me! I am lost!" sez he.
I wuz now in tears, and I sez wildly—
[Pg 612]
"I will save that dear man, or perish!" and I wuz jest a-rushin' into the inclosure when they come a-tearin' round for the fourth time, and jest a little ways from us the ostrich give a wild yell and leap, and Josiah wuz thrown almost onto our feet.
As the keeper rushed in to pick him up, we see he held a feather in his hand.
He thought it wuz tore out by excitement, and Josiah clinched the feathers to save himself.
But Josiah owned up to me afterwards that he gin up that he wuz a-goin' to be killed, and that his last thought wuz as he swooned away—wuz how much ostrich feathers cost, and how sweet it would be to give me a last gift of dyin' love, by pickin' a feather off for nothin'.
I groaned and sithed when he told me, and sez I, "What won't you do next, Josiah Allen?"
But this wuz hereafter, and to pick up the thread of my story agin.
Wall, Josiah wuzn't killed, he wuz only stunted, and he soon recovered his conscientousness.
And before half a hour passed away he wuz a-talkin' as pert as you please, a-boastin' of how he would tell it in Jonesville. Sez he, "I wonder what Deacon Henzy will say when I tell him that I rode a[Pg 613] bird while I wuz here?" Sez he, "He never rode a crow or a sparrer."
"Nor you, nuther," sez I; "how could you ride a crow?"
"Wall," sez he, "I've rid a ostrich, and the news will cause great excitement in Jonesville, and probable up as fur as Zoar and Loontown."
Then come Solomon's Temple. Josiah and I both felt that that wuz a good scriptural sight, worthy of a deacon and a deaconess, for some say that that is the proper way to address a deacon's wife.
But come to find out, the Temple wuz inside of a house, and you had to pay to go in.
And I sez, "Less pay, Josiah Allen, and go in."
And he said that "it wuzn't scriptural. Solomon's Temple in Bible times never had a house built round it. And he wuzn't a-goin' to encourage folks to go on and build meetin'-housen inside of other housen.
"Why," sez he, "if that idee is encouraged, they will be for buildin' a house round the Jonesville meetin'-house, and we will have to pay to go in."
Sez he, "Less show our colors for the right, Samantha."
The argument wuz a middlin' good one, though I felt that there wuzn't no danger.
[Pg 614]
But he went on ahead, and I had to foller on after him, like two old ducks goin' to water.
I guess that if it had been free he wouldn't have insisted on our showin' our colors.
Wall, the end of the Plaisance wuz devoted to soldiers, military displays, and camps and drill grounds.
Quite a spacious place, as big as two city blocks, and it must have been very interestin' for war-like people to look on and see 'em in their handsome uniforms, a-marchin', and a-counter-marchin', and a-haltin', and a-presentin' arms, etc., etc.
And there wuz gardens and orange groves nigh by, too, where you could see ripe oranges and green ones hangin' to the same trees—dretful interestin' sight.
Wall, if you would turn back agin and go towards the Fair ground on the south side, a Hungarian Orpheum is seen first. This is a dance hall, theatre, and restaurant all combined.
Folks can dance here all the time from mornin' till night, if they want to, but we didn't want to dance—no, indeed! nor see it; our legs wuz too wore out, and so wuz our eyes, so we wended on to the Lapland Village.
The main buildin' in this is a hundred feet long, with a square tower in the centre.
[Pg 615]
Above the main entrance is a large paintin' representin' a scene in Lapland. Inside the inclosure are the huts of a Lapland Village, with the Laps all there to work at their own work.
What a marvellous change for them! Transported from a country where there is eight months of total darkness, and four months of twilight or midnight sun, and so cold that no instrument has ever been invented to tell how cold it is.
When the frozen seas and ice and snow is all they can see from birth till death.
I wonder what they think of the change to this dazzlin' daylight, and the grandeur and bloom of 1893!
But still they seem to weather it out a considerable time in their own icy home.
King Bull, who is in Chicago, is one hundred and twelve years old, and is a five great-grandpa.
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And most of the five generations of children is with him here. But marryin' as they do at ten or twelve, they can be grandpa a good many times in a hundred years, as well as not.
In this village is their housen, their earth huts, their tepees, orniments, reindeers, dogs, sledges, fur clothin', boats, fishin' tackle, etc., etc.
As queer a sight as I ever see, and here it wuz agin, my Josiah and me a-journeyin' way off in Lapland—the idee!
The Dahomey Village come next. This shows the homes and customs of that country where the wimmen do all the fightin'.
I sez to Josiah, "What a curiosity that wuz!"
And he sez, "I d'no about the curiosity on't. It don't seem so to me; some wimmen fight with their fists," sez he, "and some with their tongues."
That wuz his mean, onderhanded way of talkin'.
But these wimmen are about as humbly as they make wimmen anywhere.
And as for clothes, they are about as poor on't for 'em as anybody I see to the Fair. They had on jest as few as they could.
They say their war dances is a sight to see. But I didn't let Josiah look on any dancin' or anything of the kind that I could [Pg 617]help. I did not forget what I mistrusted he sometimes lost sight on, when he's on towers—that he wuz a deacon and a grandpa.
He acted kinder longin' to the last. He said "he spozed it wuz a sight to see 'em dance and beat their tom-toms."
And
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