Mr. Punch on the Warpath: Humours of the Army, the Navy and the Reserve Forces by - (most motivational books .txt) đź“•
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[Pg 183]
Instructor. "Now, I've explained the different 'sights,' you, Private Dumpy, tell me what a fine 'sight' is. Describe it as well as you can——"
Private Dumpy. "A fine sight, sir? A fine sight—(pondering)—'s a magnificen' spe'tacle, sir!!"
[Pg 185]
Sergeant. "Can I do anything for you, captain?"
Captain. "Why, thanky, sergeant. If you wouldn't mind giving my other leg a hitch over!"
[Pg 187]
Inspecting Officer. "How is it your khaki is so much too small?"
Stout Yeoman. "It do seem a bit skimpy, sur. But tailor says as how I'm bound to grow a 'eap smaller on hactive service, an' 'e's allowin' for shrinkage."
[Pg 188]
INSTRUCTIONS TO NAUTICAL MEN IN THE NOBLE ART OF QUADRILLE DANCINGLe Pantalon.—Haul upon the starboard tack and let the other craft pass—then bear up and get your head on the other tack—regain your berth on the port tack—back and fill with your partner and boxhaul her—wear round twice against the sun in company with the opposite craft, then your own—afterwards boxhaul her again and bring her up.
L'ete.—Shoot ahead about two fathoms till you nearly come stem on with the other craft under weigh—then make a stern board to your berth and side out for a bend, first to starboard, then to port—make sail and pass the opposite craft—then get your head round on the other tack—another side to starboard and port—then make sail to regain your berth—wear round, back and fill and boxhaul your partner.
La Poule.—Heave ahead and pass your adversary yard-arm to yard-arm—regain your berth on the other tack in the same order—take your station in a line with your partner—back and[Pg 190] fill—fall on your heel and bring up with your partner—she then manœuvres ahead and heaves all aback, fills and shoots ahead again and pays off alongside—you then make sail in company, till nearly stem on with the other line—make a stern board and cast her off to shift for herself—regain your berth in the best means possible, and let go your anchor.
La Trenise.—Wear round as before against the sun twice, boxhaul the lady, and range up alongside her, and make sail in company—when half-way across to the other shore drop astern with the tide—shoot ahead again and cast off the tow—now back and fix as before and boxhaul her and yourself into your berth, and bring up.
La Pastorale.—Shoot ahead alongside your partner, then make a stern board—again make all sail over to the other coast—let go the hawser, and pay off into your own berth and take a turn—the three craft opposite range up abreast towards you twice, and back astern again—now manœuvre any rig you like, only under easy sail, as it is always "light winds" (zephyrs) in this passage—as soon as you see their helms down, haul round in[Pg 192] company with them on port tack—then make all sail with your partner into your own berth, and bring up.
La Finale.—Wear round to starboard, passing under your partner's bows—sight the catheads of craft on your starboard bow—then make sail into your own berth—your partner passing athwart your bows—now proceed according to the second order of sailing—to complete the evolutions shoot ahead and back astern twice, in company with the whole squadron, in the circular order of sailing.
[Pg 189]
WHAT THE "BRITISH GRENADIER" IS INEVITABLY COMING TO
Some talk of Alexander, and some of Pericles,
Of Hector and Lysander, and such old guys as these;
But of all the horrid objects, the "wust" I do declare,
Is the Prusso-Russo-Belgo-Gallo-British Grenadier.
[Pg 191]
Militia Officer. "Augh!—a new man. Ah—'ve you been in 'service before?"
Recruit. "Yes, sir."
Officer. "Augh—what regiment?"
Recruit. "Mrs. Wiggins's coachman, sir!!"
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