The Experiment by Cassidy Shay (top non fiction books of all time TXT) 📕

Mathew spins to face me. “I’m sorry, but I can’t do this.” I hold up our clasped hands so that he knows what I’m talking about. When I know that he understands, I release my hold on his hand.
“I just thought that… well, I guess I thought that it’d be okay with you. You acted like you like me enough to I thought…” He trails off, and I know that I’ve hurt him.
I give him a hug. “It’s not that. I do like you, Mathew. I like you a lot, and I have for months. But I’m just not ready for this right now. Maybe in a few months, but I’m still carrying his baby. It needs to wait.” His eyes hold disappointment, but also hope.
“Alright. I’ll wait. The last thing I want to do is rush you, or make you feel uncomfortable. When you’re ready, though, let me know.” I nod, and we continue to the cafeteria. When we get our food, though, he sits across the table and won’t look at me. He tries to hide it, but I know he’s hurt.
The next couple days are busy. I have people in and out of our room to teach me how to cook and how to act in various situations once the baby comes. I’m taught how to feed her, how to hold her, and how to bathe her. One of the nurses that were assigned to me on bed rest gives me a blanket for her with her name embroidered in it. I have people in and out all day, and each night I collapse onto the bed.
One night, though, I don’t sleep. I feel Belle moving under the skin of my belly, and then I feel a warm moisture between my legs. I grab Mathew’s arm and squeeze, as if that will help the situation.
“Mathew. Get up. Now. We have to get to the delivery room.” The Academy has prepared a delivery room for me that is right down the hall from my room.
He dives into action. We waddle down the hall, and he’s yelling for someone to wake up and help us, but it isn’t until we’re already in the room that a doctor shows up. I don’t know him, and I’m a little disappointed. I wanted this to be something with a doctor that I know.
Despite the chaos of the situation, he seems very calm. It helps me relax a little, but I’m still pretty tense. They help me get onto the bed, and then he motions for us to keep quiet.
“You’ve officially gone into labor.” He starts playing with some machines, and then he straps them to me as he’s talking. “This could only last a couple hours, or it could last up to thirty hours. Hopefully it won’t last that long, though.” I nod. I don’t know much about being in labor, but I know enough from the Memories that I want to get it over with. There’s no point in dragging it all out.
Mathew stays with me, and Sarah is invited in. Doctors and nurses are in and out, checking the machines and asking how I feel. I’m given pain killers for the contractions.
After about two hours, Julie comes in. It’s the first time I’ve seen her since she had her baby. She gives me a hug. “Meagan, I’m so excited for you! I can’t wait until our first play date!” She goes on about how well our kids will get along, and I just laugh.
“We have plenty of time to worry about that later,” I say. “Right now, I just want to get this over with.”
I’m in that room on the bed for about six hours before the doctors starts getting excited. They rush around, mumbling under their breaths. It makes me nervous, because I have no idea if what they’re saying is good or bad. Finally, Dr. Pender shoves them out the door. “I’m sorry about all that,” she says. “They’re just excited. It’s not every day that we have a baby born here.” She checks a couple machines, and then faces me again.
“I will be delivering your baby. In a couple minutes, I’ll give you another painkiller that blocks most of the pain. Hopefully, we won’t have to wait too long. But it really depends on a lot of different things.” She stops for a second.
Chapter 7

About an hour later, Dr. Pender is handing me my baby. Just a minute ago, she was a bloody, red, wiggling figure. Now, she’s a beautiful pink being that looks at me with brand new eyes.
After wiping the sweat off my face, I reach for Belle. Her hair is dark brown and silky smooth, exactly the way my hair used to be. Her eyelashes are long and full, even more voluminous than mine ever were. Her lips are soft and pink.
She smells the way a baby should, and she wiggles around with the perfect motions. She is beautiful, too. I smile down at her and relish this moment.
The thing that I notice the most are her eyes. They aren’t the deep brown color of her father’s eyes, or the pool or blue that I was born with. They aren’t even the beautiful emerald green color that shows in my eyes today. There is no color in her eyes. They are the deepest, darkest black. A starless night is reflected in them, an endless tunnel leading to nowhere.
I know that I will never forget this moment, when I first held my child. Oh, Collin,

I think. How I wish you could be here with me.

Then, suddenly, he is here.
But he’s not alone. He’s with a girl, the same one from the cafeteria. She’s wrapped around his arm, her head on his shoulder. There’s a smile on her face as she snuggles closer to him. I can see the adoration in her eyes. “You really are a beautiful boy,” she tells him. “Did your Penny ever tell you that?” There’s a hint of taunting and jealousy in her voice, but it’s something only I would notice. Collin, of course, answers the question honestly.
Dropping his eyes to the floor, he says, “No, I don’t think she did, Kate. But she didn’t need to. She made me feel like the luckiest man that had ever walked this earth.” He sighs. “Can we stop talking about her? I think about her ever moment that I’m alone, and it kills me. The pain is more agonizing than you could ever imagine.” He looks into her eyes. “When I’m with you, I don’t want to be hurting. We don’t have much time together.”
The look of plain adoration morphs into something that I recognize. It’s the same look that Mathew gives me. She really does love him.

“Then let’s make the best of it,” she says.
They’re gone. I feel betrayed, heartbroken. Stabbed through the heart. It’s ironic, really, that she used the same words that I did, all those months ago. Did Collin make the connection? Did he stop her, and push her away? Or did he let things go as far as they went with me? Does it matter? Isn’t this what I wanted for him? Yes. But I didn’t know it would hurt this much.

Mathew taps me on the shoulder. “Are you okay? You look like you’ve been punched in the stomach.” I nod. I look at his face, the one that’s become so familiar to me. The face that I’ve fallen in love with.I can’t be mad at Collin,

I think. Love just happens sometimes, and you can’t do anything about it but let it grow. It’s the same thing that I’ve been doing myself.
I look away from his face and down at Belle’s perfect features. “I love you,” I whisper to her. Then I look back at Mathew. “Would you like to hold her?” He reaches toward her, and I had my baby over.
“She’s beautiful,” he says. It’s silent in the room as I take everything in. Dr. Pender, working for an evil cause, has a heart so full of compassion and honesty that it could burst any minute. Sarah, a girl only a couple years younger than me, has been sort of adopted as my child since I’ve been married to Mathew. Mathew. The man I love, holding my daughter. The daughter of someone who I need to release from my grasp, from my thoughts. However, I know that I will never be able to fully release him from my heart.
I’ve known for a long time that I’ll have to let him go eventually. I knew it would hurt more than I can imagine. But there’s no way that I could have prepared myself for it. Before I do, though, I need to talk to Belle, tell her about her father.
I reach for her, and Mathew hands her over. I plead with my eyes, and he ushers everyone out of the room.
“I need to tell you something, Belle. It’s about your father. You’ll never get to meet him. Only have one picture of him, that I may or may not show you some day. It’s hanging on the wall right now, but I’ll probably take it down. He’s a wonderful person, and he’s helped me through so many things. I haven’t seen him in nine months, since the day we conceived you. He was very handsome, and… I fell in love with him. And I hate that you don’t get to meet him. I hate the fact that he won’t be here to raise you, to watch you grow up.” I sigh. “But I can’t change that.”
She’s asleep now, but I keep talking. “He didn’t want to leave you and I all alone. I mean, we aren’t alone. We still have Mathew, and he’s wonderful too. I hope you’ll forgive me, my dear, but I’ve betrayed your father. I’ve fallen in love with Mathew. And he loves me too, and he’ll do his best to raise you like you’re his own child.
“I used to think that I could never move on. I spent most of the days sulking, because I didn’t know how to deal with this kind of loss.” I feel her move a little, but her eyes remain closed. “It’s been hard living without him. But when I see him in my hallucinations, he helps me. He helps me remember who I am.”
I stop talking and just admire my baby. “But I don’t need him for that anymore,” I say to her. “I have a part of him that will never leave me, and will always be there. I have you.” I stroke her soft hair with my fingertips. Such a beautiful creature, and it’s up to me to keep her that way. The beautiful infant in my hands needs to be protected, and I’m the one that was chosen for the job. I take a deep breath. I know that the next few months will stressful, difficult. I also know that everything’s going to be