Pieces of Me by Pua Ramona (small books to read txt) 📕

I smile back and say “Thank you, Eli.” He laces his fingers through mine and I feel safe.

“Hey sweetie” Mama says.

I try so hard to be angry with her but all I feel is sadness and hurt in my heart. I want to yell at her, I want to ignore her, but I need her to hold me right now more than I need to be angry at her. Eli kisses my hand and lets me go. Mama takes a few steps closer to me and I throw myself into her arms and I cry. She moves us to the couch and says, “Come here sweetie.” I sit down next to her and she holds me close to her heart. My breathing starts to become rushed and ragged and Mama says “Moony, listen to my heartbeat and breathe.” I start crying harder because Daddy was the only one that called me Moony and it felt so good to hear it again. I feel someone sitting down on the other side of me. Mama holds me as she whispers “I’m so sorry for your loss sweetie.”

My heart is heavy, but I try to hold it together. I feel someone rubbing my back and I hear my sister crying next to me. She wraps her arms around me and lays her head on my side. “Sina I’m sorry” she sobs. I slowly pull away from Mama and reach for my sister as she cries harder and says, “I love you.”

“I love you to the moon and back Megan.” I tell her and we hold each other for a little more.

Megan swaps out with Daniel and he asks, “We good Sis?”

I don’t have to answer him, I just pull him in for a hug. Daniel shows his feelings through his actions, he’s not the verbal type and I love him the same for it. He’s usually the one who gives me money even when I don’t need it and he makes sure that Emma and I don’t struggle for anything. Somehow after Daddy passed, Daniel became our provider without me asking him to. But I don’t complain either because it helps him sleep at night to know that we don’t need anything. “I’m sorry for your loss Sis, just know that lil’ man is in a better place” he says.

“I love you Daniel , thank you for being our provider and for making sure that we have everything.” I tell him, wanting him to know how grateful I am to have him in our lives.

“It’s my job Sis, so no worries. We’re going to be okay Sis, I promise you.” And I believe him. Daniel kisses the top of my head then gets up and walks to the kitchen in search of food. Eli hands me a box of tissues then kisses the side of my head.

Luka reaches for my hands and pulls me up so he could hug me. He gives me a bear hug and squeezes me. I wrap my arms around him and I start crying because he’s the backbone to our family. He’s the one who has been holding us all down since Daddy passed. “I love you Sis. And I swear I will never keep anything away from you again” he says.

“I understand now why you guys did, and I forgive you guys.” So much is already happening and staying angry isn’t going to help me heal. Staying angry would only make it harder to breathe. Maybe from the outside looking in I’m weak, or a push over. But it’s my sense of peace that I need, and staying angry won’t get me to where I need to be in my life. I’m giving up the right to be unhappy.

He takes a deep breath and says “I know you’re hurting Sina and you don’t need to downplay it for us. If you need to lash out or whatever then fuck it, do it! Just know that we’re all here to catch you when you fall. Alright?” My tears won’t stop and I’m starting to think that my tear ducts are freaking broken. Luka kisses me on the head and says “If this polo makes you cry again, let me know and I’ll beat his ass sis. He’s cool and all, but I don’t have a problem beating his ass.”

I laugh a little and say, “I will do that.”

“Love you Moony,” Luka says.

“I love you too,” I tell him. I need some air, so I take a big deep breath with my eyes closed. When I open them, my eyes land on the most beautiful face in the universe.

“Hey Mama” Emma says. I’ve missed her so much that I wrap my arms around her and hug her hard. I smother kisses over all of her face and hug her again. “I missed you baby girl.”

She hugs me even tighter and says “I missed you more Mama.” We sit there and don’t let go of each other until she asks me, “Mama, is my baby brother in heaven with Papa and Uncle Micah?”

I look at her and say, “Come with Mama for a minute.”

Emma grabs my hand and follows me to the guest room. We both get in the bed and I cover us with the blanket. I know my baby girl is tired because she has bags under her eyes. I know she hasn't been sleeping since we left New York a couple of days ago, and I know she’s feeling what I’m feeling because she lost her baby brother just as I have lost my son. She wraps herself around me with her head on my shoulder and cries. Emma doesn’t really cry, but I know her emotions are everywhere as well. “We’ll be okay Emma” I whisper as I cocoon her in my arms. She cries until she’s too tired to cry anymore and falls asleep. I watch her as she sleeps and move strands of her hair out of her