Mister West by R.J. Lewis (animal farm read .TXT) 📕

you here?” I demand, shaking everywhere. “I don’t understand. Why come here to tell me this?”

It feels like punishment.

Steven stands up and faces me, holding his hands out. “It wasn’t to hurt you, I promise.”

“Really, because it feels like my heart is being smashed to bits –”

“I understand.”

“Do you?”

He goes still, staring back at me with wide eyes. “I do, actually! Aidan is like a brother to me. I watched him fall and then I watched him rise like a fucking phoenix rises from the ashes. He rebuilt himself, Ivy. He turned himself into something incredible…a few years ago.” He adds that last bit and stares at me intently, waiting for me to understand his point.

I feel extra dizzy now. I grip the armchair with my fist, squeezing it. My breaths are coming out faster, realization sinks in like razor blades to the soul.

“Fuck,” I curse. “No. No. No.”

Steven nods, relieved he doesn’t have to lay it out for me.

But Ana is hovering nearby, confused. “What the fuck is going on?”

I look at her, but I’m not really seeing her. I’m seeing Aidan when he was vulnerable, Aidan when he was sweet. I’m seeing Aidan when he looked at me from across the table and told me he loved.

“He’s not the Aidan we know anymore,” I force out. “He’s back to being the other Aidan, isn’t he? Because that’s all he knows now.”

“Wait,” Ana says, fighting to catch up. “The old Aidan? You mean…the asshole Aidan from all those years ago?”

“He’s a cunt,” Steven spits out, simply. He sounds exasperated now, and he’s back to pacing the room. “His arrogance knows no bounds.”

“Why don’t you just tell him he isn’t like that anymore?”

“The doctor said he can’t have that planted into his head. Telling someone with retrograde amnesia what they were like is simply informing them of experiences they were exposed to. He needs to experience and learn himself all over again. It needs to be an organic growth. We don’t…” He stops in front of me, looking at me with almost a plea in his gaze. “Ivy, we don’t have Ruth anymore to save him.”

Now I understand why he’s here. I let out a hard laugh, shaking my head at him. “He doesn’t even remember me, Steven. I can’t just rescue a guy that doesn’t know me, that doesn’t…love me.” My voice breaks. This is too hard. I can’t bear it anymore. I turn away from Steven and try to calm down.

“You got through to him once,” Steven says quietly. “You can do it again.”

“I don’t even know what he was like!” I retort. “He told me never to look him up because he was terrified of what I’d think of him.”

“You would have to now,” he replies. “You would need to know everything.”

Ana visibly shudders. “Brace yourself, honey.”

“Even if I did know everything, even if I went to see him, I have no guarantee he will feel the same way he felt when he spoke to me the first time we met.”

“That’s true,” Steven acknowledges. “But what if he does?”

I frown.

“Can’t he regain his memories another way?” Ana asks. “Isn’t there some sort of hypnosis he can go under?”

“We’ve tried everything. It’s gone, all of it. No one knows if it will ever return.”

“Does it ever do?”

“It’s case by case. Spontaneous recovery isn’t unheard of, but it’s also rare. Sometimes Aidan gets a random flash, an image of something he doesn’t understand, but that’s it. There’s no context behind it. It’s just random pictures in his mind that come and go. If I explained what he was like by the end, I don’t think he’d believe me. Aidan’s stubborn now. He refuses to listen to anyone. The doctor is adamant this must be experienced and not told. It needs to be a natural transformation.”

Ana bunches her lips to the side, looking at me, gauging my thoughts.

My thoughts are a mess.

Steven lets out a long exhale. “Look, Ivy, this is the only option I have left to bring him back.”

“But you’re not bringing him back,” I reply. “You’re just trying to rebuild him into who he was before.”

“Wouldn’t you?”

I don’t answer straightaway.

He’s getting desperate. “You don’t want him to be the way he was before, the way he is now.”

Now I’m concerned. “Is he back on drugs?”

“No, not that I have seen. He has no urges. I think he was very thankful about that. It was a rare moment of vulnerability on his side when he began to process everything. He’s…been on his own ever since.”

I rub my chest again. The thought of Aidan looking vulnerable when he realized he had no urge to go back to substance abuse breaks me.

“So what the hell do you want me to do exactly?” I force myself to ask.

“Go to him,” he answers.

“Tell him who I am?”

“No, absolutely not.”

“So what then?”

“You’d need to get close to him. See him all the time. Maybe…maybe work for him.”

I give him a dry look. “Steven, I’m a hairdresser who writes sob stories on the side.”

“Be his personal assistant. He’s fired his last one recently. She was too…” Steven pauses, looking embarrassed. “He said she was too…”

“Too what?” I prod.

“He said her butt wasn’t big enough.”

Silence.

I just stare at him. Is he being serious? It’s a fucked-up joke to tell right now. Really bad timing. I glance at Ana. She…doesn’t look surprised. Her eyebrows are up and she’s looking anywhere but me.

Oh, my fucking God.

“Just how much of an asshole was…er, is he?”

“Astronomical.”

“And Ruth got through to him?”

“Yes, she did.”

Now I’m the one pacing.

Ruth practically raised him.

I didn’t bloody raise him.

He fell in love with me and I told him I wasn’t ready.

Such a fool.

“You had him wrapped around your finger,” Ana tells me. “If you did it once, you can do it a second time, right? Plus, you’re better than you’ve ever been before. You’re ready.”

I don’t respond.

“You were his endgame,” Steven adds. “He loved you.”

I stop moving and turn to him. Heavy emotion is