Our American Cousin is a three-act play written by English playwright Tom Taylor. The play opened in London in 1858 but quickly made its way to the U.S. and premiered at Laura Keene’s Theatre in New York City later that year. It remained popular in the U.S. and England for the next several decades. Its most notable claim to fame, however, is that it was the play U.S. President Abraham Lincoln was watching on April 14, 1865 when he was assassinated by John Wilkes Booth, who used his knowledge of the script to shoot Lincoln during a more raucous scene.
The play is a classic Victorian farce with a whole range of stereotyped characters, business, and many entrances and exits. The plot features a boorish but honest American cousin who travels to the aristocratic English countryside to claim his inheritance, and then quickly becomes swept up in the family’s affairs. An inevitable rescue of the family’s fortunes and of the various damsels in distress ensues.
Our American Cousin was originally written as a farce for an English audience, with the laughs coming mostly at the expense of the naive American character. But after it moved to the U.S. it was eventually recast as a comedy where English caricatures like the pompous Lord Dundreary soon became the primary source of hilarity. This early version, published in 1869, contains fewer of that character’s nonsensical adages, which soon came to be known as “Dundrearyisms,” and for which the play eventually gained much of its popular appeal.
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she comes. Good morning, Miss Mary. Enter Mary from cottage L.
Mary
Oh, Wickens, you are there. How kind of you to help me with the milk pails today, when all the lads and lasses have given themselves a holiday to see the shooting.
John Wickens
Ah, Miss Mary, you ought to be among then, with a green hat and feather, if all had their rights.
Mary
Laughing. Nay, ladies without a farthing in the world, ought to put aside their ladyships and make themselves: besides I’m proud of my dairy here, just help me with this troublesome fellow, steady, don’t shake it, the cream is foaming so beautifully. There. John Wickens carries pan into cottage and returns down, R.
John Wickens
Now, Miss Mary, what can I do for you?
Mary
Let me see; well, really, I do believe, Wickens, I’ve nothing to do but amuse myself.
John Wickens
Dang it, Miss, that’s a pity, cos I can’t help you at that, you see.
Mary
Oh! Yes, bring me out dear old Welsh nurse’s spinning wheel Exit John Wickens into cottage, L. 2 E. by the side of which I have stood so often, a round-eyed baby wondering at its whirring wheel. Reenter John Wickens with wheel, places it near cottage, L. 2 E. There, that will do famously. I can catch the full scent of the jessamines.
John Wickens
R. C. Anything more, Miss Mary?
Mary
No, thank you, Wickens!
John Wickens
Going. Good morning, Miss Mary.
Mary
Good morning, Wickens.
John Wickens
Returning. Is there anything I can get for you, Miss Mary?
Mary
Spinning. Nothing, thank you.
John Wickens
Dang me if I wouldn’t like to stop all day, and watch her pretty figure and run errands for her. Exit R. 3 E., crosses behind fence.
Mary
Poor Wickens is not the only one who thinks I am a very ill-used young body. Now I don’t think so. Grandfather was rich, but he must have had a bad heart, or he never could have cast off poor mamma; had he adopted me, I should never have been so happy as I am now, uncle is kind to me in his pompous, patronizing way, and dear Florence loves me like a sister, and so I am happy. I am my own mistress here, and not anybody’s humble servant, I sometimes find myself singing as the birds do, because I can’t help it Song, “Maid with the Milking Pail,” can be introduced here.
Enter Florence Trenchard and Asa Trenchard through gate, R. 3 E.
Florence Trenchard
Come along, cousin, come along. I want to introduce you to my little cousin. Kisses Mary. I’ve brought you a visitor, Miss Mary Meredith, Mr. Asa Trenchard, our American cousin. They shake hands. That will do for the present. This young gentleman has carried off the prize by three successive shots in the bull’s eye.
Mary
I congratulate you, sir, and am happy to see you.
Asa Trenchard
Shakes hands again. Thank you, Miss.
Florence Trenchard
That will do for a beginning.
Asa Trenchard
Aside. And so that is Mark Trenchard’s grandchild.
Mary
Why have you left the archery, Florence?
Florence Trenchard
Because, after Mr. Asa Trenchard’s display, I felt in no humor for shooting, and I have some very grave business with my cousin here.
Mary
You? Grave business? Why I thought you never had any graver business than being very pretty, very amiable, and very ready to be amused.
Asa Trenchard
Wal, Miss, I guess the first comes natural round these diggins. Bows.
Mary
You are very polite. This is my domain, sir, and I shall be happy to show you, that is, if you understand anything about a dairy.
Florence Trenchard
Yes, by the way, do you understand anything about dairies in America?
Asa Trenchard
Wal, I guess I do know something about cow juice. They turn to smother laugh. Why, if it ain’t all as bright and clean as a fresh washed shirt just off the clover, and is this all your doin’s, Miss?
Mary
Yes, sir, I milk the cows, set up the milk, superintend the churning and make the cheese.
Asa Trenchard
Wal, darn me if you ain’t the first raal right down useful gal I’ve seen on this side the pond.
Florence Trenchard
What’s that, sir? Do you want to make me jealous?
Asa Trenchard
Oh, no, you needn’t get your back up, you are the right sort too, but you must own you’re small potatoes, and few in a hill compared to a gal like that.
Florence Trenchard
I’m what?
Asa Trenchard
Small potatoes.
Florence Trenchard
Will you be kind enough to translate that for me, for I don’t understand American yet.
Asa Trenchard
Yes, I’ll put it in French for you, petite pommes des terres.
Florence Trenchard
Ah, it’s very clear now; but, cousin, do tell me what you mean by calling me small potatoes.
Asa Trenchard
Wal, you can sing and paint, and play on the pianner, and in your own particular circle you are some pumpkins.
Florence Trenchard
Some pumpkins, first I am small potatoes, and now I’m some pumpkins.
Asa Trenchard
But she, she can milk cows, set up the butter, make cheese, and, darn me, if them ain’t what I call raal downright feminine accomplishments.
Florence Trenchard
I do believe you are right cousin, so Mary do allow me to congratulate you upon not being small potatoes.
Mary
Well, I must look to my dairy or all my last week’s milk will be spoiled. Goodbye, Florence, dear. Goodbye, Mr. Trenchard. Good morning, sir. Exit into Cottage.
Asa Trenchard
Following her to door. Good morning, Miss. I’ll call again.
Florence Trenchard
Well, cousin, what do you think of her?
Asa Trenchard
Ain’t she a regular snorter?
Florence Trenchard
A what?
Asa Trenchard
Wal, perhaps I should make myself more intelligable, if I said, a squeeler, and to think I’m keepin’ that everlasting angel of a gal out of her fortune all along of this bit of paper here.Takes paper from pocket.
Florence Trenchard
What is that?
Asa Trenchard
Old Mark Trenchard’s will.
Florence Trenchard
Don’t
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