Duplicity - A True Story of Crime and Deceit by Paul Goldman (general ebook reader .TXT) 📕

next three years of my life were as grayas the longest Russian winter. Talia continued to work toward hermedical degree. The medical library was her real home. She livedlike a tenant in ours, at night retreating to the privacy of herown personal bedroom. I continued my uninspired life in the prisonof my cubicle. My days became routine, robotic, and not at allfulfilling. I had no one to share my concerns with, and I foundmyself even lonelier than before. Begrudgingly, I accepted my lot,though I was always on the lookout for some sign of change forTalia and me.

And then, rather unexpectedly, the biggestsign came in the form of two words, spoken by Talia one warm day inFebruary, 2002.

“I’m pregnant.”

Knowing that sooner or later I would bedivorcing her, I was not at all happy with the news. How had thathappened? I wondered. During the one time a month, or less, whenTalia had relented to my begging for intimacy, I had been careful,but obviously GOD had different ideas.

Johnny arrived in October of 2002 and withhim came the knowledge that I would be forever changed. It tooknine months of waiting, ten hours of labor, and one moment ofcomplete and utter disbelief to finally realize what his life meantfor my own. Johnny was born with a thick head of hair and eyes wideopen, ready to take in the world around him. The nurses keptremarking how unusual it was to have a baby with his eyes open, aswell as one who didn't cry at the moment of birth. The same couldnot be said for his father. I shed tears of joy.

The subsequent days and months in my new roleas father were joyous. I was eager to help in every way I could,and it was a good thing, too. Talia's contribution was solely as amilk machine. When she was home, she breast-fed little Johnny everyfour hours, and pumped bottles to put in the fridge for me to feedhim while she was at the library. My son and I were undeniablylinked in both personality and appearance. Though I finally hadsomething I had so longed for, the one thing I could not deny wasmy loveless marriage. Feeling I owed it to my son, I decided it wastime to take a stand and confront Talia.

The trigger for thislong-overdue action was an official-looking document from the U.S.Immigration Service. Inside was Talia's “green card.” I realizedwhat had happened to me, and I knew it was time to end the charade.The moment occurred over another silent dinner while Johnny sleptsoundly in the other room.

“I just can’t stand this,”I said, almost surprising myself.

“What? The lo mein? What’swrong with it?”

“No,God, not the stupid lo mein. I mean this,” gesturing to the two of uswith my hands. “This marriage. I mean, it’s not even a marriage.”My words seemed to startle Talia and she searched my face foranswers, answers she really didn't want to hear. “I’m not happy,” Icontinued quietly, intent on remaining calm and firm. “You’re atthe medical library fifteen hours a day and I understand andrespect your commitment, I do, but when you get home you’re tootired to do anything. Unless it’s about Johnny, we never talkanymore. I don’t understand what has happened.” I could hear myselfbecoming more emphatic, my emotions were taking hold. “And nevermind that we hardly ever have sex anymore; besides, on those raretimes that we do, you couldn't seem more disinterested. But eventhat, that’s not really it. It’s you. You’ve changed.” Now, I hadlet my tone reveal my anger and frustration. “You’re not the girl Imet in Moscow. You’ve changed completely and I don’t know if thisis your true personality, or you’ve just become a different person.And I'm sick, frankly, sick of all your complaining and nagging. Ican’t take it anymore.” I stood up, placed my hands on the table,and leaned into her. “I want a divorce.”

And there it was. I finally let my feelingsout, and I felt utterly relieved. A burden had been lifted. Ilooked down at her. Her expression was one of disbelief and Ithought that, perhaps, I had finally gotten through to her. Withina second, however, her rage set in.

“You heartless bastard!”she yelled, with fury in her eyes while she rose to meet my stance.Before I could blink, a carton of noodles flew by my face,splattering the wall inches from my head. “How can you do this tome? To our son?” she challenged, her fist shaking. “You want toleave your family? For what? What about your son?”

I would not let the guilt silence me forthree more years. I was doing this as much for my son as for me. Noman should have to live in a loveless marriage, and my actionstoday would be his lesson for tomorrow. I would be used no more.And I wasn’t done.

“Bastard? Fine. But I'mnot going to be miserable for the next seventeen years until hegoes to college just so Johnny can say he has two parents livingunder the same roof. I can’t live with you; you and your whining,negative, nagging, manic-depressive self. The sweet girl I met inMoscow is gone, and she’s been gone for a long time. Whoeverreplaced her has affected me in a bad way, and I don’t evenrecognize myself anymore. I’m not the same person I was before Imet you. I’m not the man I want to be, the man I know I canbe.”

“How can you leave mealone with a son to raise? How can you do this to yourfamily?”

“I have no intention ofleaving my son, only you. I'll always be there for Johnny. Who doyou think is going to take care of him, while you go off to anotherstate for your three years of residency? Me, that's who. I’ll makesure Johnny will be fine. I'll take care of him, just as I've doneevery day since he was born.”

And that was it. The fight ended like it had begun, withcomplete, withdrawn silence. Talia went to New York soon afterwardsfor her medical residency, and I began my life as a single parent.I knew I had forced the right decision for everyone