Radley's Labyrinth for Horny Monsters by Annabelle Hawthorne (highly recommended books .txt) 📕

thunder shook the house, making Mike cover his ears. Abella held her ears in pain, squatting down just inside the door.

“Holy shit.” Mike stared up into the swirling vortex of air, a funnel cloud that slowly descended toward the house. Near the edge of the yard stood Kali. She was topless, wearing a skirt decorated with stones and feathers. Around her neck was a long rope decorated with shrunken heads. She shook a large stick, her mouth open wide as several different voices chanted.

“You’re fucked.” Lily grabbed Mike’s shoulder, turning him around. He wondered if she had followed him from the garage. “That’s her ceremonial garb. That’s what she wears when she goes all out.”

“We have to stop her.” Mike took a step toward the front yard but was yanked back by Lily’s tail. The grass at the bottom of the steps exploded, showering the porch with dirt. Snakes of all shapes and sizes writhed across the yard, but the ones at the bottom of the step had their eyes solely on him.

“You can run. That’s about it.” Lily ducked when a panel ripped itself free of the house, the chunk flying over her head. “I don’t care how powerful this place is, she’s going to take it down.”

“Naia.” Mike glared at Lily. “Naia can’t run, and I won’t leave her behind. I won’t leave any of them behind.”

“How romantic.” Lily stepped back into the house, and Mike followed. “And I suppose you have a plan?”

“I—” Mike was cut off by a thunderous boom. The multicolored lights from the geas cracking cast ominous shadows through the front room. His housemates were all looking at him, expecting an answer. He looked out the window just as rain came, large drops glazing the glass. Across the yard, slow shapes lumbered along the edges, hiding among the bushes. “What are those?”

“Hmm.” Sofia moved to the window, squinting. “It looks like several men. Identical in stature, each one wearing the same white suit and walking with a cane.”

“That would be Sebastien. The guy who sent the homunculus made of sand.” Lily shook her head. “Kali by herself would be more than a match for you. But with him helping, she has the power of an entire coven on her side.”

“All we need to do is activate the house defenses, yes?” Mike turned to Tink. “Once I activate the console, how long until the defenses turn on?”

“Fast.” She nodded, her ponytail bobbing.

“What are the defenses?”

“Lion statues.” Tink let out a small roar and pawed at the air. “Smash any who cast bad spell, but must activate from…from…” She scratched her head. “Tink forget word, but husband know right away. Goggles tell.”

“Okay, so the goal is to turn on the lions, activate a whatsit, and then go turn it on.”

“You’re so naive!” Lily grabbed Mike by the shoulders and shook him. “How are you going to get past the snakes? Or the storm? Or the pissed off vodou priestess with all her little oogey-boogeymen?”

“Or the Colonel Sanders chorus line from Hell? Honestly? I don’t know. But this isn’t about me being in charge. This is about all of us working together.” Mike looked at each of them. “We just escaped from a Labyrinth. Yesterday, I got into a fight with a child-eating witch while trying to incinerate some elder god’s foreskin. Every step of the way, I had somebody’s help. And I know we can figure this out if we all play to our strengths. So instead of worrying about what we have to face, let’s take a moment to focus on what we have.”

Another blast roared through the house, and pictures fell off the walls. Everyone looked outside, the sky now a technicolor hue.

“She’s using her spirits to multicast,” Cecilia said. “Their voices add to hers. She summons a storm to keep us within while she makes trouble without.”

“Which means she is worried about what we are planning.” Mike put his hands on the window, then slid the goggles over his eyes. He could see the faint blue lines that made the triangle in his yard with the circle in the middle. Unfortunately, the circle wasn’t very far from where Kali stood. “I need to activate the runes that Naia mentioned before I can summon the console. The first spot is on the porch steps, so that one is easy. However, the other two are at the base of the lions, by the entrance. I have to connect the magic of the house to the lions. Apparently they are part of the defense mechanism.”

“How do we get there?” Beth asked.

“I’m the only one who needs to get there. Let’s see—yard full of snakes, strange storm overhead, douche in a white suit…” Mike’s train of thought derailed when another boom shook the house.

“Wait. I’ve got it!” Beth touched Tink on the shoulder. “I need a pen and paper, quick!” Tink disappeared, then quickly returned. Beth drew a rough map of the yard and explained her plan.

“That’s absolutely insane,” Mike said. “It puts everyone here at risk, including yourself, and has a very low chance of succeeding.” A grin spread across his face. “And I think it will work.”

Beth beamed, and they huddled up, speaking loudly to each other over the roar of magic gathering outside.

Through the eyes of her serpents, Kali watched the storm on the lawn from various vantage points, which included her own body standing in the middle of the yard. Fearing outside interference, she had placed them all along the street, knowing that their thermal vision would see any living thing that came near her. Up above, the vortex swirled, lightning arcing through the clouds. The geas resonated with her magical blows, her magic taking years off her lifespan to manage the tremendous energy required to keep up the storm while cracking the protective barrier of the house. She had centuries to burn and could always acquire more.

However, from the street, the storm was contained. The skies grew darker with every