we did just have the one dressing room. It was an event facility, after all, not a theater. Most congenial, really. At one point I was brushing my teeth in the john and that lovely Donna Murphy stuck her head in to ask if I had seen her shoes because she had left her underwear in them... No, I didn't ask if they were her second pair. None of my business, really, was it?... Yes, I was! I swear!... Briefs... White... Anyway, I'm sitting there sucking on my reed and who should come through the door but Chita!... Yes, she looks amazing... I don't know, a hundred at least, I should think... Looks fantastic, though... Oh, and that girl with the teeth from “Princess Diaries”... I know, but you should hear her sing! A revelation!... Yes, our opening number was sensational. Oh, and just who do you think was our Emcee for “Wilkommen”?... No, not even warm... I had suggested that charming RuPaul, but she hasn't worked with either of the Marshalls... Oh, I'll just tell you. Scott Ellis!... Yes, you do so know Scott. He started out as a chorus boy and now he just directs every other show on Broadway... What's that?... “Hope for me yet”? So droll of you, darling. How was that audition, by the way?... No? Pity. Anyway, Scott: Well he just directed “12 Angry Men” and “She Loves Me” and “1776” and just about anything else you can think of!... He's a doll. Adorably nervous about performing again but flawless... Yes, it went off without a hitch. Robbie was at the center table with Renee and John C... yes, both from the “Chicago” movie... No, she didn't have that awful black hair like she did at the Oscars... Oh, you're so right! Between the hair and the up and down weight she'll be bald and saggy if she's not careful. But so precious! I adore her! Really... Well no, you couldn't say I know her... Well no, I didn't exactly meet her. The crowds and all. I know how that can be so I gave her her space, as they say... Yes, I'm sure she appreciated it... Well, actually, Chita performed “Nowadays”... Unbelievable, I know! One by one she was joined by friends and co-workers of Robbie and Kathleen... Well, Lenora Nemetz for one!... Yes, Lenora!... Looks better than ever. You know the Lenora legend, don't you?... Yes, it is true, because she told me herself... No, it wasn't Chita, it was Gwen. Lenora stood by for both of them in the original “Chicago” in '75. During previews Gwen had an injury, but Lenora had never rehearsed... No, not one rehearsal! So Bobby--such a loss!--personally came out on stage before the show and asked the audience to root for her... She was spectacular, of course! Anyway, after that they gave Harvey his award... Droned on and on, as a matter of fact. Not nearly as funny as he is onstage... What?... What's that?... No! Tell me you're joking! Harvey Weinstein, not Fierstein?!... The motion picture fellow?... Now that you mention it, they did make a couple of Disney jokes I didn't quite get. Well, my dear, that does explain his expression when I told him how much he was missed in “Hairspray”... Now, stop! You're just being mean, now. "I could be a dancer," indeed!... The finale? Charming. Charming! The whole lot of us made it to the stage and did the number as if we'd rehearsed for days... Yes, darling, “professional”... Can we please not go through that again?... Thank you, dear... Afterwards? Mayhem, just as you'd expect. A little mingling, a little networking. Oh! And I met that queer fellow.... Yes, I know most of them were, but I mean from TV... No, just cable... You know, that show you love... yes, that's it! “Carson”, that's his name. So charming, so down to earth. He swears he never goes out, but I've seen him myself about once a week for the past six months... Yes, the entire evening was thrilling and I'm thrilled I was asked... Yes, totally exhausted. Oh, hold on darling, can you? I have a call coming in. I'll be right back............. Dearest, I must run. I completely forgot I'm having lunch with that dreamboat from “42nd Street.” No, the tenor!... Oh, don't congratulate me yet! What?... Oh, yes, au revoir to you, too. Oh, how I envy you your French!... Yes, I swear I'll give you all the details. Even though you know how I hate to talk on the phone... Yes, my dear. Kisses to Derwood! Ciao!
“DID YOU HAVE A VIEW?”
To the far right of the view from my comfortable terrace here at Turtle Cottage on the island of Saba in the Dutch Antilles lies a mountain peak… [totally random aside—that opening line sounded just like Barbara Stanwyck’s bogus country life column in “Christmas in Connecticut.” You may never know if I’m even really here.) Anyway, about this mountain peak; it’s there and it’s almost always shrouded in mist. No, not shrouded so much as used as a piece of exercise equipment by the constant fog. The clouds vault over the mountain the same way car commercials used to tout the aerodynamic properties of 1970s gas-guzzlers by shooting a jet of smoke over the contours of a sedan.
This is Mt. Scenery. At 2855 feet it is jokingly (and accurately) referred to as “the highest point in The Netherlands” and hiking to its summit is de rigueur for visitors to Saba. I was a slug on my first visit to the island so I didn’t even consider a climb. But this time, with all summer to kill, I had no excuse. Yesterday I decided to make my assault.
The trail up the mountain is an oddity: most of it is either paved with asphalt or has steps cut into the stone, but it’s also a non-stop ascent and, because it’s a rainforest, the way can
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