The Small House at Allington by Anthony Trollope (the kiss of deception read online txt) 📕

children of my own, and of course my only business in life is to provide for my nephews and nieces. I am an old fool if I expect that they are to love me in return, and if I venture to express a wish I am interfering and doing wrong! It is hard⁠—very hard. I know well that they have been brought up to dislike me, and yet I am endeavouring to do my duty by them.”

“Mr. Dale, that accusation has not been deserved. They have not been brought up to dislike you. I believe that they have both loved and respected you as their uncle; but such love and respect will not give you a right to dispose of their hands.”

“Who wants to dispose of their hands?”

“There are some things in which I think no uncle⁠—no parent⁠—should interfere, and of all such things this is the chief. If after that you may choose to tell her your wishes, of course you can do so.”

“It will not be much good after you have set her against me.”

“Mr. Dale, you have no right to say such things to me, and you are very unjust in doing so. If you think that I have set my girls against you, it will be much better that we should leave Allington altogether. I have been placed in circumstances which have made it difficult for me to do my duty to my children; but I have endeavoured to do it, not regarding my own personal wishes. I am quite sure, however, that it would be wrong in me to keep them here, if I am to be told by you that I have taught them to regard you unfavourably. Indeed, I cannot suffer such a thing to be said to me.”

All this Mrs. Dale said with an air of decision, and with a voice expressing a sense of injury received, which made the squire feel that she was very much in earnest.

“Is it not true,” he said, defending himself, “that in all that relates to the girls you have ever regarded me with suspicion?”

“No, it is not true.” And then she corrected herself, feeling that there was something of truth in the squire’s last assertion. “Certainly not with suspicion,” she said. “But as this matter has gone so far, I will explain what my real feelings have been. In worldly matters you can do much for my girls, and have done much.”

“And wish to do more,” said the squire.

“I am sure you do. But I cannot on that account give up my place as their only living parent. They are my children, and not yours. And even could I bring myself to allow you to act as their guardian and natural protector, they would not consent to such an arrangement. You cannot call that suspicion.”

“I can call it jealousy.”

“And should not a mother be jealous of her children’s love?”

During all this time the squire was walking up and down the room with his hands in his trousers pockets. And when Mrs. Dale had last spoken, he continued his walk for some time in silence.

“Perhaps it is well that you should have spoken out,” he said.

“The manner in which you accused me made it necessary.”

“I did not intend to accuse you, and I do not do so now; but I think that you have been, and that you are, very hard to me⁠—very hard indeed. I have endeavoured to make your children, and yourself also, sharers with me in such prosperity as has been mine. I have striven to add to your comfort and to their happiness. I am most anxious to secure their future welfare. You would have been very wrong had you declined to accept this on their behalf; but I think that in return for it you need not have begrudged me the affection and obedience which generally follows from such good offices.”

“Mr. Dale, I have begrudged you nothing of this.”

“I am hurt;⁠—I am hurt,” he continued. And she was surprised by his look of pain even more than by the unaccustomed warmth of his words. “What you have said has, I have known, been the case all along. But though I had felt it to be so, I own that I am hurt by your open words.”

“Because I have said that my own children must ever be my own?”

“Ah, you have said more than that. You and the girls have been living here, close to me, for⁠—how many years is it now?⁠—and during all those years there has grown up for me no kindly feeling. Do you think that I cannot hear, and see, and feel? Do you suppose that I am a fool and do not know? As for yourself you would never enter this house if you did not feel yourself constrained to do so for the sake of appearances. I suppose it is all as it should be. Having no children of my own, I owe the duty of a parent to my nieces; but I have no right to expect from them in return either love, regard, or obedience. I know I am keeping you here against your will, Mary. I won’t do so any longer.” And he made a sign to her that she was to depart.

As she rose from her seat her heart was softened towards him. In these latter days he had shown much kindness to the girls⁠—a kindness that was more akin to the gentleness of love than had ever come from him before. Lily’s fate had seemed to melt even his sternness, and he had striven to be tender in his words and ways. And now he spoke as though he had loved the girls, and had loved them in vain. Doubtless he had been a disagreeable neighbour to his sister-in-law, making her feel that it was never for her personally that he had opened his hand. Doubtless he had been moved by an unconscious desire to undermine and take upon himself her authority with her own children.