An Ideal Husband by Oscar Wilde (readict books txt) 📕

dear, I dare say. It might break up many a happy home if they did. Not yours, I need hardly say, Gertrude. You have married a pattern husband. I wish I could say as much for myself. But since Sir John has taken to attending the debates regularly, which he never used to do in the good old days, his language has become quite impossible. He always seems to think that he is addressing the House, and consequently whenever he discusses the state of the agricultural labourer, or the Welsh Church, or something quite improper of that kind, I am obliged to send all the servants out of the room. It is not pleasant to see one’s own butler, who has been with one for twenty-three years, actually blushing at the sideboard, and the footmen making contortions in corners like persons in circuses. I assure you my life will be quite ruined unless they send John at once to the Upper House. He won’t take any interest in politics then, will he? The House of Lords is so sensible. An assembly of gentlemen. But in his present state, Sir John is really a great trial. Why, this morning before breakfast was half over, he stood up on the hearthrug, put his hands in his pockets, and appealed to the country at the top of his voice. I left the table as soon as I had my second cup of tea, I need hardly say. But his violent language could be heard all over the house! I trust, Gertrude, that Sir Robert is not like that? Lady Chiltern But I am very much interested in politics, Lady Markby. I love to hear Robert talk about them. Lady Markby Well, I hope he is not as devoted to Blue Books as Sir John is. I don’t think they can be quite improving reading for anyone. Mrs. Cheveley Languidly. I have never read a Blue Book. I prefer books⁠ ⁠… in yellow covers. Lady Markby Genially unconscious. Yellow is a gayer colour, is it not? I used to wear yellow a good deal in my early days, and would do so now if Sir John was not so painfully personal in his observations, and a man on the question of dress is always ridiculous, is he not? Mrs. Cheveley Oh, no! I think men are the only authorities on dress. Lady Markby Really? One wouldn’t say so from the sort of hats they wear? would one? The butler enters, followed by the footman. Tea is set on a small table close to Lady Chiltern. Lady Chiltern May I give you some tea, Mrs. Cheveley? Mrs. Cheveley Thanks. The butler hands Mrs. Cheveley a cup of tea on a salver. Lady Chiltern Some tea, Lady Markby? Lady Markby No thanks, dear. The servants go out. The fact is, I have promised to go round for ten minutes to see poor Lady Brancaster, who is in very great trouble. Her daughter, quite a well-brought-up girl, too, has actually become engaged to be married to a curate in Shropshire. It is very sad, very sad indeed. I can’t understand this modern mania for curates. In my time we girls saw them, of course, running about the place like rabbits. But we never took any notice of them, I need hardly say. But I am told that nowadays country society is quite honeycombed with them. I think it most irreligious. And then the eldest son has quarrelled with his father, and it is said that when they meet at the club Lord Brancaster always hides himself behind the money article in The Times. However, I believe that is quite a common occurrence nowadays and that they have to take in extra copies of The Times at all the clubs in St. James’s Street; there are so many sons who won’t have anything to do with their fathers, and so many fathers who won’t speak to their sons. I think myself, it is very much to be regretted. Mrs. Cheveley So do I. Fathers have so much to learn from their sons nowadays. Lady Markby Really, dear? What? Mrs. Cheveley The art of living. The only really Fine Art we have produced in modern times. Lady Markby Shaking her head. Ah! I am afraid Lord Brancaster knew a good deal about that. More than his poor wife ever did. Turning to Lady Chiltern. You know Lady Brancaster, don’t you, dear? Lady Chiltern Just slightly. She was staying at Langton last autumn, when we were there. Lady Markby Well, like all stout women, she looks the very picture of happiness, as no doubt you noticed. But there are many tragedies in her family, besides this affair of the curate. Her own sister, Mrs. Jekyll, had a most unhappy life; through no fault of her own, I am sorry to say. She ultimately was so brokenhearted that she went into a convent, or on to the operatic stage, I forget which. No; I think it was decorative art-needlework she took up. I know she had lost all sense of pleasure in life. Rising. And now, Gertrude, if you will allow me, I shall leave Mrs. Cheveley in your charge and call back for her in a quarter of an hour. Or perhaps, dear Mrs. Cheveley, you wouldn’t mind waiting in the carriage while I am with Lady Brancaster. As I intend it to be a visit of condolence, I shan’t stay long. Mrs. Cheveley Rising. I don’t mind waiting in the carriage at all, provided there is somebody to look at one. Lady Markby Well, I hear the curate is always prowling about the house. Mrs. Cheveley I am afraid I am not fond of girl friends. Lady Chiltern Rising. Oh, I hope Mrs. Cheveley will stay here a little. I should like to have a few minutes’ conversation with her. Mrs. Cheveley How very kind of you, Lady Chiltern! Believe me, nothing would give me greater pleasure. Lady Markby Ah! no doubt you both have many pleasant reminiscences of your schooldays to talk over together. Goodbye, dear