My Mom My Hero: Alzheimer's - A Mother and Daughter's Bittersweet Journey by Hirsch, R. (book recommendations .TXT) 📕

all about her own mother. My mom shared how kind, generous, and giving her mom was. All of this was true. As Elaine repeated the conversation to me, my mom chirped in with, “It’s true—I would never make up stories.”

Elaine handed the phone to Mom. I kidded her about how she was when I was a child. “Oh, you lived near me?” With surprise in my voice, I answered with, “Mom, I lived with you. Who do think you’re speaking to?” Mom then said, “I’m not sure.”

When I hung up, I turned to my husband and laughed, as I repeated my conversation that I just had with mom. I’m not sure how funny I actually thought it was, although I can get joy from the silly unexpected things that she is still able to say. I guess I’m lucky to still be able to laugh with her or find some joy in her childish ways.

The following day’s phone call was a little different. Mom did not know my name. “Mom, I’m your daughter, you actually named me.” I heard Trudy, Elaine’s daughter, say to her that my name started with the letter L. My mom then said with much question in her voice, “Louise?” (nope) “Lucy?” (nope) “Laura?” (nope), until I said, “My name is Lisa.” I then asked, “Mom, what is your son’s name?” and Ruthie was able to answer correctly. I then asked her to tell me her first and middle names, and she was able to respond with, “Ruth Esther,” which was absolutely correct.

“Okay, Mom, what is my middle name?” She had no idea. I then asked what color hair I had. Mom answered, “Black.” I quickly responded that was not my color. Then she said, “Red.” Okay, Mom, I’ve had blond hair for at least the last thirty years. I asked to speak to Trudy, and I said with laughter, “My mom sounded good, yet I guess this is not one of her better days.”

As I hung up I felt sadness in my heart. I wondered if I lived closer would she never forget my name. In my heart, I knew the answer. Distance has nothing much to do with what happened today. It’s what Alzheimer’s does to its victims.

I was able to smile and continue on with my day, although if I say it did not sadden me, I would not be telling the truth. I still keep a smile in my heart, and now have only nineteen more days until I see my mom. I will then be able to give her a big kiss and squeeze her tightly. I do wonder at times if I am the child or the mother. I guess maybe, a little of both.

I get to choose how I handle how I feel. I could laugh or I could cry, or I can cherish all the love that my mom and I still can share, knowing that one day this may no longer be possible. So for today, I’d rather feel the thrill of joy, than the tears of sadness.

COMMENTS

Such an amazingly touching story—amazing that your mom’s memory could turn so quickly. The photo of you and your mom is wonderful. Cherish memories. My best to you and your wonderful mom.

—Daniel

I think you sharing your journey with your mother is fantastic and helps so many people realize they aren’t alone in their journey, so thank you for sharing.

—Susan

Thank you for sharing your amazing blog! You are a true inspiration!

—Brittney

Lisa,

Hi, I live in Lincolnshire in a village in the United Kingdom. I do read your blogs, and it has helped me a lot. My mum has vascular dementia. She has recently gone to live in a care home as she needed 24/7 care. She is happy she has others to talk to. I have put Mum’s bungalow up for sale. It’s a five-minute walk away from my home. It is an emotional time. I’m so busy, and I’m a recovering main caregiver. I was helping mum for over five years, unpaid. She had caregivers in. It has left me not right. I’m mentally exhausted. I’m glad I still worked a bit, so hope to get more work ahead. Mum has a great sense of humor. I visit Mum every week and take her surprises, like chocolates, flowers, or I read to her.

—Cynthia

Thank you, Lisa. Boy, did I need to read this today! I have huge tears right now, but I have printed this and posted it on my bulletin board to read every day. Thank you for sharing. I am going to see the positive in all of this, just like you are.

—Suzanne

May 4, 2012

Does My Mom With Alzheimer’s

Know It’s Mother’s Day?

I’ll be off to see my mom on Wednesday for Mother’s Day. My flight leaves New York early in the morning. As I prepare myself for my trip, I get flashes of all different memories and feelings that are stored up within me. What will Mom be like this time? How much has her Alzheimer’s caused her to disappear into her world? Speaking to my mom each day is quite different than living with her. For the most part, my conversations on the phone with my mom are great. Then, of course, there are those other moments. So actually being and living with mom for several days will be quite different. My heart misses her, and my stomach churns both with excitement and nervousness.

This week, my emotions about my mother ran like a river with many inlets. Today’s phone call left me feeling exhilarated, yet during the week after she had an episode of incontinence, I fell into an emotion of feeling quite sad and lost. Fortunately she was fine for the rest of the week, as her caregivers realized that they might have overloaded her with too much bran since she had been constipated.

After that episode, I was not able to shake