All’s Well That Ends Well was not popular during Shakespeare’s time, and is still considered to be a play without renown even today. It’s also one of the three “problem plays,” in that it deals with controversial social issues. Although it remains unloved by the public, productions have featured star-studded casts, including actresses like Dame Judi Dench and Claudie Blakley.
Helena, daughter of a skilled doctor and adopted child of the Countess of Rousillon, is in love with Bertram, the Countess’s son. Helena cures the King of France and is rewarded with a husband of her choice, so she selects Bertram. He contests the legitimacy of their marriage, and insists on demanding that she complete two tasks before he can consider their marriage legitimate: She must wear his family ring, and provide him an heir.
This Standard Ebooks production is based on William George Clark and William Aldis Wright’s 1887 Victoria edition, which is taken from the Globe edition.
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I assure you, a peace concluded.
Second Lord
What will Count Rousillon do then? will he travel higher, or return again into France?
First Lord
I perceive, by this demand, you are not altogether of his council.
Second Lord
Let it be forbid, sir; so should I be a great deal of his act.
First Lord
Sir, his wife some two months since fled from his house: her pretence is a pilgrimage to Saint Jaques le Grand; which holy undertaking with most austere sanctimony she accomplished; and, there residing the tenderness of her nature became as a prey to her grief; in fine, made a groan of her last breath, and now she sings in heaven.
Second Lord
How is this justified?
First Lord
The stronger part of it by her own letters, which makes her story true, even to the point of her death: her death itself, which could not be her office to say is come, was faithfully confirmed by the rector of the place.
Second Lord
Hath the count all this intelligence?
First Lord
Ay, and the particular confirmations, point from point, so to the full arming of the verity.
Second Lord
I am heartily sorry that he’ll be glad of this.
First Lord
How mightily sometimes we make us comforts of our losses!
Second Lord
And how mightily some other times we drown our gain in tears! The great dignity that his valour hath here acquired for him shall at home be encountered with a shame as ample.
First Lord
The web of our life is of a mingled yarn, good and ill together: our virtues would be proud, if our faults whipped them not; and our crimes would despair, if they were not cherished by our virtues.
Enter a Messenger.
How now! where’s your master?
Servant
He met the duke in the street, sir, of whom he hath taken a solemn leave: his lordship will next morning for France. The duke hath offered him letters of commendations to the king.
Second Lord
They shall be no more than needful there, if they were more than they can commend.
First Lord
They cannot be too sweet for the king’s tartness. Here’s his lordship now.
Enter Bertram.
How now, my lord! is’t not after midnight?
Bertram
I have to-night dispatched sixteen businesses, a month’s length a-piece, by an abstract of success: I have congied with the duke, done my adieu with his nearest; buried a wife, mourned for her; writ to my lady mother I am returning; entertained my convoy; and between these main parcels of dispatch effected many nicer needs; the last was the greatest, but that I have not ended yet.
Second Lord
If the business be of any difficulty, and this morning your departure hence, it requires haste of your lordship.
Bertram
I mean, the business is not ended, as fearing to hear of it hereafter. But shall we have this dialogue between the fool and the soldier? Come, bring forth this counterfeit module, he has deceived me, like a double-meaning prophesier.
Second Lord
Bring him forth: has sat i’ the stocks all night, poor gallant knave.
Bertram
No matter; his heels have deserved it, in usurping his spurs so long. How does he carry himself?
Second Lord
I have told your lordship already, the stocks carry him. But to answer you as you would be understood; he weeps like a wench that had shed her milk: he hath confessed himself to Morgan, whom he supposes to be a friar, from the time of his remembrance to this very instant disaster of his setting i’ the stocks: and what think you he hath confessed?
Bertram
Nothing of me, has a’?
Second Lord
His confession is taken, and it shall be read to his face: if your lordship be in’t, as I believe you are, you must have the patience to hear it.
Enter Parolles guarded, and First Soldier.
Bertram
A plague upon him! muffled! he can say nothing of me: hush, hush!
First Lord
Hoodman comes! Portotartarosa.
First Soldier
He calls for the tortures: what will you say without ’em?
Parolles
I will confess what I know without constraint: if ye pinch me like a pasty, I can say no more.
First Soldier
Bosko chimurcho.
First Lord
Boblibindo chicurmurco.
First Soldier
You are a merciful general. Our general bids you answer to what I shall ask you out of a note.
Parolles
And truly, as I hope to live.
First Soldier
Reads. “First demand of him how many horse the duke is strong.” What say you to that?
Parolles
Five or six thousand; but very weak and unserviceable: the troops are all scattered, and the commanders very poor rogues, upon my reputation and credit and as I hope to live.
First Soldier
Shall I set down your answer so?
Parolles
Do: I’ll take the sacrament on’t, how and which way you will.
Bertram
All’s one to him. What a past-saving slave is this!
First Lord
You’re deceived, my lord: this is Monsieur Parolles, the gallant militarist—that was his own phrase—that had the whole theoric of war in the knot of his scarf, and the practise in the chape of his dagger.
Second Lord
I will never trust a man again for keeping his sword clean, nor believe he can have every thing in him by wearing his apparel neatly.
First Soldier
Well, that’s set down.
Parolles
Five or six thousand horse, I said—I will say true—or thereabouts, set down, for I’ll speak truth.
First Lord
He’s very near the truth in this.
Bertram
But I con him no thanks for’t, in the nature he delivers it.
Parolles
Poor rogues, I pray you, say.
First Soldier
Well, that’s set down.
Parolles
I humbly thank you, sir: a truth’s a truth, the rogues are marvellous poor.
First Soldier
Reads. “Demand of him, of what strength they are a-foot.” What say you to that?
Parolles
By my troth, sir, if I were to live this present hour, I will tell true. Let me see: Spurio, a hundred and fifty; Sebastian, so many; Corambus, so many; Jaques, so many; Guiltian, Cosmo, Lodowick, and Gratii, two hundred and fifty each; mine own company, Chitopher, Vaumond, Bentii,
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