On a Roll by Beth Bolden (best historical biographies TXT) 📕

“I needed to think about it,” Sean said. “And . . . it’s time. A long time coming, I guess.”

“Two years,” Gabriel said, his gaze growing warmer, and suddenly he was crowding into Sean’s space, making him breathless just by his nearness.

In some ways that was true. Maybe they had been building towards this during the two years they’d been bickering over the name. But he’d meant something else.

“Well,” Sean hedged. “More than that, actually.” He hadn’t had an orgasm with another person since Milo. And that, along with the understanding that this was just sex, was something that he needed Gabriel to know.

“Oh?” Gabriel was leaning in, their lips were nearly brushing, and Sean knew he would be insane to stop him now, because he almost could taste him. Last night had been so good, unexpected but good, but now expectation was simmering inside him, and he knew it would be even better.

“Yeah,” Sean said, hesitating. Surely, one kiss before he told Gabe everything would be okay? He didn’t technically owe Gabriel anything, especially that kind of explanation, but he wasn’t sure if he could live with himself otherwise.

He brushed a single kiss across Gabriel’s mouth, and almost didn’t pull back because even though they’d kissed only twenty-four hours ago, his body had forgotten how well they fit together. Like two halves of a puzzle.

“Wait,” Sean said breathlessly, taking a step backwards, away from Gabriel. Before he got too carried away. “I need to tell you something first.”

“Okay.” Gabriel’s expression was so warm. So pleased. Like he hadn’t expected this, and the surprise of it was making him glow. “What is it?” His eyes crinkled as he grinned. “You can tell me anything. Well, at least about this,” he added.

Everyone said that Ren was the charming one. The one that nobody could resist. But Sean was having difficulty remembering when it was that he’d found Gabriel an annoying, clumsy oaf.

“I told you about Milo. When I said it’d been a long time . . .” Sean hesitated. “There’s been nobody since him. Nobody that I really wanted like that. But I want you.”

Gabriel stared at him. “Are you saying the last guy you had sex with was your dead husband?”

It was difficult to keep his wince inside, but Sean managed it. “Yes.”

“Wow.” Gabe scrubbed a hand over his face. “Wow.”

“I thought you should know, and also . . .” Sean wanted to stop right there, because even that part of the confession seemed to have killed Gabriel’s mood, but he owed it to both of them to keep going. “Also, I think I should be upfront about what I want out of this. Sex. That’s what I want.”

Gabriel’s eyebrows shot up. “Well, I kinda assumed that was the endgame,” he said. “I can’t say I’m disappointed to hear it.”

“No,” Sean said, hating himself a little but knowing he needed to be honest. It was hard to believe that Gabriel could develop those kinds of feelings for him, but from seeing friends hook up, he knew honesty was the best policy. “No, I just want sex. No romance. No dating. Just . . . you, whenever you’re willing.”

If Gabriel had looked stunned before, when Sean had told him that he hadn’t had sex in almost five years, he looked floored now. “You just want to hook up? No strings?”

“No strings. Just sex.”

“Oh.” Gabriel’s expression had gone very, very flat. “I wasn’t expecting that.”

“I mean it makes sense, right? I don’t want to give you any unfair expectation,” Sean said, trying to still salvage this, but the look on Gabriel’s face was freaking him the fuck out.

“Because of your husband.”

Sean didn’t think he’d ever heard Gabe’s voice so flat. So emotionless. Yes, he had definitely fucked this up.

“Well, yeah, kind of.” Sean didn’t know if it would help or hurt the situation to tell Gabriel that when he thought of him, it was totally different from how he’d ever thought of Milo, even at the beginning. He had frustrated thoughts about Gabriel. And annoyed thoughts. And plenty of hot ones. But love and affection and caring? Yeah, that was not in the cards.

“You don’t have to explain anymore,” Gabriel said. “I get it.”

“You do?” Sean felt hope begin to grow again. Maybe he hadn’t ruined everything, after all.

“Yeah,” Gabriel said. “You want to be my fuck buddy. Well, if you’re interested in that, you should talk to Ren.”

Sean’s mouth dropped open. “Ren? But I don’t . . .”

“I’m not going to be some kind of bizarre way for you to fuck your husband out of your system,” Gabriel said. “Sorry.” Except, Sean thought, as he watched Gabriel walk away, that he didn’t sound very sorry about it at all.

Chapter Four

Three days later, Sean was still trying not to sulk about Gabriel’s rejection.

In some ways, he understood why Gabe had walked away. But that didn’t mean he was very happy about it, and he didn’t think that Gabriel was being very reasonable about it, either. He hadn’t asked Gabe to fuck away Milo’s memory. He’d just wanted to make sure that Gabriel knew that he wasn’t going to fall in love. If he was going to, he knew he would be feeling differently about Gabriel right now.

And what he felt for Gabe? Yeah, not even remotely similar.

Gabriel made him want to throw something at his head. Or punch a wall. Or push him up against a wall. He didn’t make him feel warm or gooey or sentimental.

Sean didn’t think he should apologize for that.

He also didn’t think that Gabriel felt much differently than he did. But somehow, by trying to be honest, he’d insulted Gabriel’s pride.

And Gabriel’s pride, as they both knew, was a considerable thing.

“You’re frowning again,” Tate said, as they walked around the lot, making sure they’d picked up all the trash the night before.

“I’m just thinking,” Sean said, leaning over and plucking a red plastic beer cup from the ground and tossing it