Irresistible Bachelors: Books 1-5 by Landish, Lauren (bts books to read TXT) 📕

cheeks burn with embarrassment. I see Oliver turning red next to her, and I realize what I just did. Oh, my God, I just splashed punch on my best friend’s sister’s husband’s brother at her wedding!

Damn, that sounds like a line from Spaceballs.

In the silence, I quickly look around the room, grateful at least that Roxy and Jake have already left to consummate their marriage and didn't see this. Still, I’m sure they’re gonna hear about it.

“Wait!” Tony tries to stop me, but I’m not listening. I’m not even mad at him. I’m more embarrassed than anything. I turn and run from the room, hiking up my dress as I go to give myself some extra speed. I head for the door and don’t stop to look back until I’m already in my car, the engine roaring, and I’m driving away. In my rearview mirror, I see Tony in the driveway of the reception hall, and my lip curls.

Fuck that arrogant asshole.Hannah - Present Day . . .

“I’m so done with men!” I declare over the phone to my six months pregnant bestie, Roxy. “Finished! I swear to God, I’m going lesbian!”

I’m at work, sitting at my desk, doing everything but my job. I know I should be working, but I’m in too shitty of a mood. It certainly doesn’t help that the rat bastard’s portrait is sitting right in front me. That smooth golden skin, those suave brown eyes, the looks that made me ignore all of his bullshit. The picture of the asshole who used to make me smile now only seems to piss me off. “I don’t care if he looks like Ryan Gosling with a ten-inch cucumber in his pants and says that he wants me to have his babies all while promising me the pleasure of a thousand orgasms,” I growl. “I don’t care. I’m turning him down.”

Roxy laughs. “It must be bad! What the hell happened this time?” She pauses, chuckling. “Or do I even want to know?”

“Screw this shit!” I snatch the portrait off my desk, taking it out of the frame. Snarling, I rip up the picture of the two of us and crumple it into a ball. “Roxy, it’s the craziest shit you’ll ever hear.” I toss it into the wastebasket with one hand. “Score! LeBron ain’t got shit on me!”

“Enough fucking around. Tell me!” Roxy commands immediately. “Now you have me curious.”

I take a deep breath, anger twisting my stomach as I think about last night. “You won’t believe it. He has mommy issues!”

“For real?” Roxy gasps. “What does that even mean?”

My eyes go big even though Roxy can’t see them. “I mean, he’s got legit Mommy issues, girl! We were going at it, and suddenly, he starts asking if he’s been a bad boy and if I would punish him!”

Roxy laughs in disbelief. “Seriously? That’s nuts!”

“I shit you not. I thought the whole time he was calling me Mami, like Latino style? I mean, he’s from Miami, right? No, the guy literally meant Mommy, as in . . . he even asked if he could put on a diaper!”

“No way!” Roxy chokes with laughter.

“Way! After I heard that, I was like, fuck this, I’m outta here!” I shake my head in disgust. “Seriously, Rox, this is five in a row who’ve turned out to be either a jerk, a freak, or a damn pervert. I’m starting to think there’s not a man out there for me.”

Roxy laughs. “Come on, Hannah, don’t become jaded. The right guy will come along and knock you off your feet eventually. You’ll see.”

“Ha! That’s easy for you to say, Miss I-Just-Got-Nominated-For-A-Kids’-Choice-Award. Let’s see here,” I say, starting to count on my fingers. “Lance was a drunk jerk, Hank was a cheater, and Troy never could keep it up without drugs or closing his eyes . . . talk about a boost to your self-esteem. And then there was that prick To—” I stop short of saying his name. We were never dating. But he still adds to the line of terrible luck that I have. I shake off the thought of him. “Meanwhile, the right guy came along for you and you just fucked him to death to make him love you.”

“I did not!” Roxy protests. “We didn’t even get our clothes off on the first try!”

“I’m just kidding,” I say with a mirthless snort. It’s not what I remember her telling me, but that’s beside the point. Still, Jake’s a good catch. While my life has been on replay, Roxy’s gotten out. Not a superstar yet, but at least she’s got a man she loves and has every weekend to do what she always dreamed of—singing.

I feel like I’m going through the motions. Since quitting my job at Franklin Consolidated, I tried out photography for a little while, and while I enjoyed it at first, I quickly realized it wasn’t for me when I was taking a lot more pictures than I was selling. Besides, with Roxy moving on to be with Jake, I was starting to drain my savings, even if I did downgrade my living situation. So I picked up this job at Aurora Holdings and have been here since.

Aurora’s a good job, and it does allow me to travel, which is something I’ve always wanted. Real estate research and scouting for rich investors is actually fun. And I do still have my camera, even if the only people who see my work are my Facebook friends. Still, it’s not where I want to be.

“Yeah, well, you don’t have to be angry about me and Jake,” Roxy says, and I can hear that she’s not really hurt, but still a little peeved.

“I’m sorry,” I say. I’m coming across as bitter and I don’t mean to. “I don’t want to seem like I’m being Princess Pissy Panties over here. I’m happy for you, Rox. It’s just that . . . I thought I might have had something special with Josh.” I bite