On a Roll by Beth Bolden (best historical biographies TXT) 📕

Sean pulled his apron off, and then the navy blue t-shirt he’d worn under it. It was still really warm even though it was almost nine, and he grabbed a white tank, tugging it over his head.

He should wear something else. He spent so much time inside his food truck, his skin didn’t have that delicious golden sheen that Ren’s did. That Gabriel’s did. Sean had spent so many nights around the fire pit, watching the light catch Gabe’s exposed skin.

Wanting to put his mouth all over it.

He hadn’t even understood back then that was what he wanted, he’d only known that he couldn’t ever tear his eyes away.

But now he knew, and he couldn’t ever pretend otherwise.

His own skin was pale and milky, and maybe not the best contrast with the white of his tank, but he decided he didn’t give a fuck.

If Gabriel decided he didn’t like his skin, then Sean wasn’t going to cry about it.

He pushed his hair back, took a deep breath and exited the back of the truck, locking the door behind him.

“Hey,” Ash said as he joined the circle around the fire pit. Someone had hooked up some speakers, and upbeat music started playing. “Beer’s in the cooler over there. And I think Jackson brought some shit from the bar, if you want something harder.”

Sean glanced over at where Gabriel and Ren were standing, beer bottles in hand, way over on the other side of the fire pit. Were they avoiding him? Sean couldn’t say for sure, one way or the other, but he wasn’t going to stand for that shit.

“I’ll find Jackson, thanks,” Sean said. Hesitated. Ash was the other single guy who was part of the lot, and he couldn’t help but think of what Tony had offered today. “Did Tony go out of his way to tell you that you could bring a date?” he wondered.

Ash laughed. “Not this time, because I told him next time he asked, I was going to use his balls for earrings.”

“Really?” Ash was even shorter than Sean—and even blonder, too. He looked like an angel, but took absolutely no shit from anyone, and often Sean wished he could be a little more like Ash.

Ash nodded. “Last time Tony asked me if I had a date. I date plenty, but they sure fucking don’t need to come around here, not until I’m sure.”

“And you haven’t been that sure,” Sean said hesitantly.

“Not yet.” Ash’s voice was cheerful, like it was totally alright that he hadn’t had a serious boyfriend since Sean had known him. And maybe two years wasn’t quite almost five, and maybe Ash didn’t have a dead husband he wasn’t trying to get over, but still.

Sean wasn’t made of fucking glass. He had needs. And if Gabriel wasn’t going to satisfy them, then he was going to find someone who would.

“But,” Ash continued, “I’m always optimistic. You know that military guy, the one who keeps showing up?”

“Lennox? Yeah, he’s cute,” Sean said. More accurately he’d thought Lennox was cute, but not nearly as cute as Gabriel.

“He is,” Ash said. Dropped his voice. “Tony’s gonna freak out, but I invited him here, tonight.”

“You did?”

Ash shot him a sympathetic look, and Sean wondered just how many of their friends had been wondering and waiting if he and Gabriel would hook up. “Sometimes,” he said, “you’ve got to take matters into your own hands. You want something? You fucking make it happen.”

“Yeah,” Sean said. “Yeah.”

Ash patted him on the back. “Go get ’em, tiger,” he said.

First thing, Sean went and found Jackson, who’d set up a makeshift bar on a picnic table. Alexis, his boyfriend, and the guy who made the best fucking hummus Sean had ever been lucky enough to eat, had his hand tucked into the back pocket of Jackson’s shorts, and they were laughing about something.

“Hey,” Sean said. “I heard a rumor you had something harder than beer over here.”

Jackson turned and smiled. “Looking for a little Dutch courage?”

Sean rolled his eyes. “Why would I want that?” Apparently everyone knew what was going on. That, he reminded himself, was because you had to open your big fucking mouth and tell Tony. Nobody gossiped like Tony did.

“Something a little birdy told me,” Jackson said, pouring him a shot of vodka in a little plastic cup. “Here you go, champ, just don’t go overboard.”

Sean threw back the shot in one burning gulp. He didn’t love vodka, but Jackson was annoyingly right; if he was going to be as audacious as he wanted to be, he was going to need it.

Jackson poured him a second shot when he held his cup out. “That’s all you get,” Jackson said. “You’re a fucking lightweight, and I don’t want your drunk ass on my conscience.”

“This is fine,” Sean said, sipping this shot instead of taking it all at once. “I’ll be fine.”

Jackson raised an eyebrow. “Guess we’ll see about that.”

“Guess we will,” Sean said, and took off to get his guy.

———

Sean decided there was no reason to be subtle. That ship had sailed, long ago.

“So,” he said, as he walked up to where Gabriel and Ren were standing. “Which one of you is going to fuck me?”

Gabriel choked on his beer, and Ren just smiled, like the cat who’d just won the cream.

“Um,” Gabriel said, trying to clear his throat. “Uh. Are you okay? Are you drunk?”

“I’m not drunk,” Sean said, trying to be casual, even though his fingers were clamped tightly around the plastic cup he was holding. He wanted, more than he’d ever imagined, more than he’d anticipated, Gabriel to be the one to stand up and say, me, it has to be me. It was only ever going to be me.

“We’re not doing this,” Gabriel said in a hard voice. Not the tender, intimate one he’d spoken in when Sean had confessed to him all about Milo. Maybe he never should have told Gabriel the truth. Maybe he’d created shoes