I Am What I Am by John Barrowman (white hot kiss .TXT) 📕

front of the stage. Neither one of these rituals is an emotional move. Acting is about making the emotion seem real and if, to convey that feeling, an actor relies only on a superficial, choreographed move, it lessens the impact.

Having said all that, Jessie did have her good points. She was gorgeous, had charisma and she had a great voice. What Jessie, and a few other Nancy contestants, also needed, however, was a lesson in how to walk in high heels. At John Barrowman’s Beauty, Charm and Confidence School, this would be one of the first required courses. For this, I believe, is an important life lesson for women.9

I worry, I really do, that with so many younger women wearing flip-flops and flats these days – including my niece Clare, who has more pairs of flip-flops than anyone I know – walking correctly in heels will become a lost art. How tragic that would be! That’s why, when Clare was old enough to wear high heels, I gave her lessons in how to walk in them. Heel first. Weight on hips. Back straight. Strut. She can walk in any inch heel now and never looks as if she’s going to topple. Clare put her learning into action when she walked the red carpet with me at the New York premiere of De-Lovely, the Cole Porter biopic I filmed with Kevin Kline, and she strutted her heels with my co-star Ashley Judd like a pro. Jessie and a couple of the other Nancy contestants took advantage of my special skills in this area.10

As the series progressed, it became obvious to me that Cameron wanted Jessie to win. Of the four finalists, while he loved Sam, he felt she was too immature to take on the role. He said he would be happy with any of the other three women winning the part – Jodie, Jessie or Rachel – but it was apparent that Jessie was his first choice to be Nancy.

During the contest, Cameron did not want Ashley Russell to move forward. He really liked her offstage, but onstage he found that her performances grated on him, and that she was unable, somehow, to communicate her sparkling offstage personality through her songs. I liked Ashley too – both on- and offstage – but she lost my support as Nancy in the end because she just wasn’t progressing as much as I would have liked, or even as much as some of the other performers.

But one of the funniest aspects of Cameron’s dissatisfaction with Ashley was that Andrew’s children had sussed this out. Any time they were within earshot of Cameron, Denise or I would yell, ‘Who are you voting for?’ and Andrew’s kids would reply loudly, ‘Ashley! We love her!’

On the fourth show of the series, Ashley and Francesca Jackson were in the bottom two after the audience voting. Cameron must have been thinking this was it; now Ashley would surely be gone. He was wrong and, unfortunately, I bore the brunt of his wrath.

One of the things I admire about Andrew in this kind of context11 is that sometimes if Denise or I were strong in our opinions and we had compelling evidence to support them, Andrew listened to us. A lot of times, especially when we were witnessing an amazing performance, we’d all confer across the panel with our eyes. On this particular night, Andrew watched, listened, and chose to save Ashley.

I came offstage and directly into a confrontation with Cameron. In general, I don’t let people rim me out in anger, but if it’s really warranted, I might bite my tongue. In this case, Cameron was furious that Ashley had been saved and he seemed to hold me partly responsible.

After the closing credits, Cameron stormed off the set. I thought we’d had a terrific show with lots of drama, and impressive vocal performances. We were making I’d Do Anything for the viewers – not Cameron – so they could pick a Nancy who they’d want to pay their hard-earned cash to see.

Speaking of which, even before the semi-final, the box-office advance for Oliver! was huge; two-thirds of the advance bookings came from people who did not even know who exactly was going to play Nancy – they may have booked hoping for Jessie, Jodie, Rachel or Sam – which just goes to demonstrate the calibre of the contestants. Oliver! also starred Rowan Atkinson as Fagin, who was clearly a massive draw. By the time the show opened, in January 2009, the stellar cast – Jodie as Nancy, Burn Gorman12 as Bill Sikes, plus Rowan and many other fantastic performers – had attracted phenomenal box-office receipts in the region of £15 million.

On this evening, in week four, I congratulated Ashley, offered my heartfelt condolences to Francesca and stepped off set, where I immediately ran into Cameron. He was furious. He’d thought that he and Andrew had agreed on the matter of Ashley, and he was astonished that this turnabout had occurred. When I defended Ashley, and Andrew for having saved her – after all, it was only the fourth week, and, had Ashley improved, she could even have won the competition – Cameron lashed out at me.

‘I’m a bit worried about your judgement and taste now,’ he yelled, ‘because what you’ve just done has shown me that you don’t have any taste. I’m the one producing this fucking show, not you!’

Of course, I continued to defend my opinion – and he continued to yell at me, in front of all the BBC runners, some of the staff and crew, and Denise. I think Andrew may have been in earshot, too.

I was stunned into silence.13 After a few beats, I caught my breath and I thought, ‘I don’t need to take this from him.’ Cameron is a friend, I respect him immensely, and we have a long history together.14

I leaned towards him and said, ‘If you feel that strongly about these performers, then why aren’t you on the panel? I’m