Dungeon Core Academy: Books 1-7 (A LitRPG Series) by Alex Oakchest (book suggestions txt) 📕

“Need them for what?” said Mimic Dullbright. “To use them as an excuse to search the wagons of orc traders and take a cut of their wares? To threaten gnomish visitors to Hogsfeate with intense questioning and searches of their person unless they pay levies to enter our gates?”

“I don’t know what stories my lord has been hearing but my men are as honest as the sun.”

“The sun? Pah. He’s an arrogant prat.”

“The sun?” said Mimic Dullbright. “Pah. He’s an arrogant prat.”

“I beg your pardon, sir?”

“You don’t need to repeat everything I say,” I told the mimic.

“Sorry, Dark Lord.”

“Carry on. They’re giving you too much lip; show your authority as I told you.”

“You presume to question me?” thundered Mimic Dullbright.

I heard the sound of a chair scraping, something smashing, and then the sound of three other chairs scraping.

“Sir Dullbright, what has gotten into you?” said Marlheinz.

“Tone it down! I meant to give them a little warning. Going from calm to complete fury is the sign of a madman! Your anger needs to build gradually.”

Mimic Dullbright gave another burp. “Apologies. My illness has disturbed my sleep and left me feeling testy. Now, Marlheinz, you will change the laws as I ordered.”

“Yes, governor. It will take time for my scribes to…”

“It will take one day, no more.”

“Yes, governer.”

“Now, Kathryn,” said Mimic Dullbright, “Your guards are to begin acting on these new laws immediately. Visitors to Hogsfeate are to be treated with respect no matter what their species.”

“If my governer commands, then it will be done.”

“Remember the other bit,” I said.

“As well as that, there are two guards on the gates who will be replaced immediately. They usually work the afternoon shift.”

“Len and Ben? They've been with the guardship for years.”

“I want them replaced with guards who are more receptive to the changes I am making. Give Len and Ben other duties.”

“But…”

“Did I not word this clearly enough?”

“Your orders are clear.”

“Last one,” I told the mimic, thoroughly enjoying myself and waiting for the best moment of all.

“Now, Pvat,” said Dullbright. “you are wondering why you are here, no?”

“Well, not quite,” replied Pvat, in a smug voice. “His governorship did promise me extra resources for the heroes’ guild.”

“I have been putting great thought into the funds that the town gives to the heroes’ guild, Pvat. Great thought indeed. Let me ask you something. Your heroes earn loot from dungeons, yes? Of that loot, you give a certain portion to the town in the form of taxation, yes?”

“That is correct. A high taxation rate, if I may be so bold.”

“Ah, so you are capable of showing boldness are you, Pvat? It has been my observation that chickens pace their coops with a braver strut than I’ve ever seen from you.”

Kathryn tittered now.

“Is something funny, guard?” asked Pvat.

“You heroic prats swan around town in your capes and your fancy armor. My lads could knock yours over with a feather,” she said.

Hmm. I was beginning to like this Kathryn. Just a little.

“Your guards are about as refined as a pig scoffing swill.”

“Funny, Pvat. I don’t remember refinement having much influence in the Battle of the Sixth Wall, or the East Teeter skirmish. You know, in real fights. I was there…didn’t see hair nor hide of you, though.”

“Real fights? My heroes are…”

“You’re losing control of them. Shout ‘enough’. Do it really loudly.”

“Enough!” boomed Dullbright. “Tell me this, Pvat. How much loot taxation does the heroes’ guild pay?”

“Oh, as much as we can, Sir Dullbright. But alas, loot earned from a dungeon is scarce. Labyrinths just aren’t as well-stocked as they should be, these days. Often, cores leave only a few silver coins in their loot chests.”

“What absolute bullshit.”

“What absolute bullshit,” said Mimic Dullbright.

“Oh? Does…does our governer know more about dungeons than we supposed? I apologize if I have underestimated his knowledge.”

“Remember what I told you,” I said.

“I suspect, Pvat, that if we were to check the heroes’ guild stores, we would find that the loot recorded in your quarterly reports wouldn’t quite match the loot kept under lock and key in your fancy guild.”

“Check our stores? Town laws state you cannot search a private domicile, no? And our heroes live in the guild, and thus it is registered as a domicile. That’s right, isn’t it, Marlheinz?”

“Eh, I suppose. This is beginning to bore me. You bore me, Pvat.”

What do you know? Now I was beginning to like lawmaker Marlheinz, too.

“Laws can be changed,” said Mimic Dullbright. “Firstly, laws that define what is and isn't a domicile. Secondly, laws regarding what does and doesn't constitute a legal search warrant.”

“Well, it makes no difference, governer. Our loot haul is meager. Our guild must make ends meet by completing jobs posted on the person-at-arms board.”

“And you stumble into another topic. The heroes’ guild will not be given preferential treatment for such jobs. By doing so, it has meant that barbarians and other mercenaries struggle to find work. I do not need to remind you that poor barbarians do not spend gold in town taverns, nor do they buy weapons, armor, or other things they need for quests. This, coupled with the creative accounting of your loot in order to lessen your taxes, mean that the heroes guild is a leech on the Hogsfeate economy. I had it in mind to issue a closing order.”

“You cannot do that,” said Pvat, smugly.

“It is true,” added Marlheinz. “Our laws insist on the existence of a heroes’ guild. The law is written in such a way that it offers no room for tweaking.”

“Make Pvat think he has won,” I told the mimic. “It will be all the sweeter.”

“Oh well,” said Dullbright. “I suppose I’ll have to leave things as they are.”

“A wise decision,