Here Be Dragons - 1 by Sharon Penman (best inspirational books txt) 📕

could you do it? How could you shame yourself, shame your family like this? At first I thought it had to be some sort of macabre hoax! And if Icould not believe it, I would not even attempt to imagine whaLlewelyn"I've "Richard, enough! I do not need you to tell me of the pam caused those I love. I was there, I saw, and those are memories I''" to live with for the rest of my life. I do not deny that I have committe grievous sin, and I'll willingly answer for it to my husband, to my

647dren, to the King, and to God. But not to you, Richard. Least of all to you!""You do not think I've a right to be angry? Disappointed?""I do not think you've the right to pass judgment upon me. I think you forfeited that right when you refused to pass judgment upon John.""What mean you by that, Joanna?""You knew, Richard. You knew about Arthur, about Maude de Braose and her son.You saw the hangings. But you stood by John even then, even after watching those Welsh children die at Nottingham. So I do not think it is for you to judge me. Unless you can explain why adultery is a greater sin in your eyes than murder.""I see it was a mistake for me to come.""Mayhap it was," Joanna agreed, and he turned, walked out.But no sooner had he gone than Joanna's anger was gone, too. She sat down upon the closest coffer, feeling weak, empty, and alone, utterly alone. Why had she sent Richard away? Who else did she have? Henry would be no less shocked thanRichard, no less judgmental. An unfaithful wife was a creature utterly beyond her Aunt Ela's ken. She was not close to her other brothers. Two of her three sisters were strangers to her, and Nell was but fourteen.Even her dead would not have understood. Catherine had been her dearest friend, but Catherine had been Llewelyn's friend, too. Her grandmother?Eleanor would have been indifferent to the immorality of her adultery, but would never have forgiven the stupidity of it. Her mother would have been horrified, with the peculiar intolerance of the onetime sinner. Her father?Hating Llewelyn as he did, how could he not have been delighted by her infidelity? But her mockery went awry, for she knew better. John would not have forsaken her. The man who had murdered Maude de Braose was the same man who had loved her enough to forgive her any sin.She had sent Glynis to gather gorse and wood sorrel, and she was grateful now to hear footsteps in the antechamber, grateful for Glynis's °Pportune return;hers were not thoughts she cared to dwell upon. She r°se, moved toward the door. But it was not Glynis, it was Richard.His smile was tentative, almost but not quite apologetic. "I would n°t have gotten so angry if there were not some truth in what you said, "it I was halfway to the ferry ere I would admit it to myself.""You came back, Richard. That is what matters," Joanna said, and tos time their embrace was mutual, comforting and conciliatory. Draw-'ng him down beside her upon the settle, Joanna entwined her fingers in s- "I will answer your questions as best I can. But first you must tell e if you spoke to Davydd, if he gave you any message for me."He shook his head. "He's not yet able to talk about you, Joanna.

648Mayhap in time ..." He tightened his grip upon her hand. "How much have you been told? You do know Will de Braose has been hanged?""Yes/' she said, startling him by her matter-of-fact tone. If Sne could sound so indifferent to Will's fate, then all his assumptions had to be in error."I can offer no excuses, no explanations for my conduct, Richard. But there is this you must know. My liaison with Will was a brief one and long over. ButWill was not accustomed to a woman telling him no and meaning it, thought he would be welcome in my chambers. He was not." Richard was looking at her so strangely that she felt sudden dismay. "You do not believe me?""How could I have been so stupid? I actually believed you must have been beguiled by this man, had become so infatuated you'd lost all common sense.Knowing you as I do, how could I have been so blind?" He rose to his feet, began to pace. "Why did I not see the truth ere this?""What are you talking about?""I think you know, Joanna. But if you'd have me elaborate upon the obvious, Iam willing. Where shall we begin? With Llewelyn? You love your husband, you truly do. You have a marriage that was tested in fire and found true, a marriage that by rights ought to have foundered years ago, and yet it not only survived, it somehow flourished. You're no fool; you well knew the consequences of a wife's infidelity, knew you risked divorce and disgrace, mayhap even death. You knew, too, that adultery is a mortal sin. Yet despite all that, you still decided to take the risk, to take a lover. And of all the men in Christendom, whom did you happen to choose? Surprise of surprises, none other than Maude de Braose's grandson! Need I say more?"Joanna's protest was immediateand indignant. "What are you saying, that John's sins led me to sin in atonement? That is ridiculous, Richard. I am not responsible for my father's cruelties!""I know," he said. "I've been seeking to convince you of that for nigh on twenty years."Joanna opened her mouth to argue, to insist he was wrong. Instead she surprised herself by saying, "I do think it was important to Will that I wasJohn's daughter. I think he found a perverse satisfaction in that. He learned to hate too young. But he had cause, Richard, more cause than you know ..."She did not finish the sentence, said abruptly, "What of Henry? Does he know?"Richard nodded.