Here Be Dragons - 1 by Sharon Penman (best inspirational books txt) 📕

legitimize my position at his court; I was there on sufferance and all knew it. And then at fourteen, I became a foreign wife, the English bnde, the outsider once more."Elen's eyes had widened. "I never knew you felt that way, Mama. You always seemed at home in Wales.""That is what I am trying to tell you, Elen. I learned at a very early age to hide my fears, to appear what I was not Pride, no less than charity, covers a multitude of sins. I was very fortunate, found with your father what had been denied me in John's world, and in time I did gain greater assurance; the poise was not entirely pretense. But scrape away the surface gloss, dig through the glaze to the raw clay, and you'll find a little girl forbidden to play with the other village children, a little girl who'd lie for hours in the heather above Middleham Castle, wanting °nly to belong.

656"And that is what I wanted to give you, a sense of belonging You were so impulsive, Elen, so so rash I did try to curb your spirits, to teach you to adapt to the world you'd one day have to live in, as the vife of a Norman lord I did want you to conform, I cannot deny it And I was disappointed when you would not But only because I loved you so much, because I feared for youMy darling, you seemed so heartrendmgly vulnerable, so open to hurt I wanted to spare you that if I could to show you how to construct a woman's defenses, how to make castle walls out of courtesy, to distance yourself whilst still preserving the inner keep, the secret self that is Elen "Elen was blinking back tears "I daresay you're right, Mama " She gestured toward a tiny bird skittering along the water's edge "Life probably would be easier for me if I had protective coloring, if I could blend into my background like that little sandling " She smiled tremulously "But I'm not a sandling, Mama, am more akin to the magpie, I fear, curious and conspicuous and too venturesome for my own good1"Joanna stepped forward, touched her hand to Elen's cheek "As it happens," she said, "magpies have ever been one of my favorite birds," and Elen came into her arms, clung tightlyJoanna was reluctant to end their embrace, kept her arm around Elen's waist"Passing strange, that you should have drawn that analogy to the sandling, for your father once made a surprisingly similar cornparison He, too, talked of protective coloring, told me I cloaked myself in the muted earth tones of a wellborn Norman lady But he knew it was camouflage, knew me so well "He'd never been taken in by her act Right from the first he'd seen through it, had seen the frightened little girl behind the bridal silk, the brittle smileJoanna's eyes filled with tears "Elen Elen, I've made such a bloody botch of things Tell me the truth How badly have I hurt Llewelyn7 I do not mean the man, that I know But what of the Prince7 How much damage have I done7""Not as much damage as you fear, Mama I'll not deny the potential was there for disaster, that you threw a burning brand into a sun-dried field But Papa acted to contain the fire, seems to have quenched it in time Not so surprising, at least not to anyone who knows Papa He holds all Wales in the palm of his hand, has for nigh on fifteen years now It would take a brave man to challenge him, an even braver one to mock him Mayhap if he'd showed weakness but he hanged Will de Braose at high noon before eight hundred witnesses Men will remember that, Mama ""And Davydd7"Elen did not pretend to misunderstand "Again, the answer is n as much damage as you think or as there could have been Papa n

657made a point of keeping Davydd close by his sideconspicuously so yVhen he met the English Chancellor in Shrewsbury last week, Davydd ^as with him, and will be with him again when he meets with Maelgwn next month It is an effective strategy, Mama, will do much to discourage speculation, to still all but the most vicious tongues ""I would to God I could believe that""I'm not offering false comfort, Mama Papa is a man well able to take care of himself, to look to his own interests He was never a defenslve battle commander, preferred to take the war into enemy territory And that is what he has done He is no longer calling himself Prince of Gwynedd, has begun to make use of a new titlePrince of Aberffraw and Lord of Eryri "After more than twenty years in Wales, Joanna at once grasped the significance of the change Aberffraw was the ancient capital of Gwynedd, and in Welsh lore, the Prince of Aberffraw held a position of dominance Although he was shrewd enough to do it by indirection, with a subtlety to allay the suspicions of hisEnglish neighbors and the jealousies of his Welsh allies, Llewelyn was, in effect, claiming for himself the title of Prince of WalesJoanna bit her lip "How very like him that is," she said, and there was in her voice such a poignant blend of pride and pain that Elen felt as if their roles had suddenly been reversed, she found herself yearning to comfort Joanna as a mother might comfort a hurt and helpless child"Let's go back to the manor, Mama You look so careworn, you've not been sleeping, have you7""Not much," Joanna admitted She whistled for Topaz and they began to walk along the shore "We'd best wake Ifan up ere we go, I think he might be discomfited if we just went off and left him Tell me about Gwladys and Ralph de Mortimer Were they wed as planned7""No, the wedding was delayed But it