Yearn by A. Ellis (13 ebook reader TXT) 📕

Jesse, Cooper, and Hadley always came over for dinner on Thursdays and some other evenings, but I knew they were going to Cooper’s parents’ house for his mom’s birthday.

“Dalton and Gabby have been working late on some big project at work. Pretty sure Cruz and Logan both have a shift at the Wishing Well.” Dre frowned. “Not sure about Spencer and Rai.”

I moved toward the counter and took a cookie from the plate. “I think Rai talked Spencer into attending some event at the hospital.”

Dre smiled. “I don’t think Rai has to talk Spencer into much, those two are crazy for each other.”

“Seems like we’re surrounded by stable, loving happily ever afters,” I mused.

“You ever think you’ll find that?” Dre asked.

Out of habit, I bristled, but after a calming breath I shook my head. “No.”

“Don’t want it?”

“It’s not that. Just thought I had it then I lost it. Don’t want to go through that again.” I reached for another cookie.

“Any chance our time on the friend bench earned me the right to ask what happened with your ex?” Dre hedged.

I huffed. “I settled, thought the mediocrity was all I would ever get. His drinking got out of hand. It took too long, but eventually a red flag waved and I realized I had to get away or I’d end up living the same life I’d had with my drunk-ass father in that damn trashy trailer park. I was building up to leave when I found out Blaine had lost his job, was gambling to cover debts, and was having sex for money. I left and never looked back. Gabby got me in here, the end.”

Dre’s eyes were wide. “Holy shit. I’m sorry, I knew you’d been through some shit with that asshole, but I didn’t realize how bad.”

Aside from Gabby, no one really knew the story about Blaine and it was nice to have Dre immediately take my side. “How do you know he’s an asshole?”

Dre frowned. “Um, he put you through shit and lost you, clearly he’s an asshole.” He studied me for a moment. “You know none of that was your fault, right?”

I shrugged. “I mean, it was my fault for settling with someone who ended up being an alcoholic. It’s like I can’t escape my father.”

“No, Blaine’s drinking wasn’t on you.”

“How do you know?” I bit out. “You barely know me.”

Dre nodded and crossed his arms over his chest. “True, but I know that alcoholism is a disease and you didn’t make Blaine drink. I’m sorry you had such a shitty time of it, but I’m glad you’re away from that.”

“Yeah, me too. I was leaving because of the drinking; the gambling, lying, and sex was just icing on the cake. It hurt to learn all of it, but when I’m not feeling sorry for myself, I realize it was for the best because it forced me to leave sooner rather than later.”

Dre cocked his head. “Why do you feel sorry for yourself?”

This was getting way too deep and I wanted to shove off the counter and retreat to my room, but I knew Dre would just keep pushing. After watching him recently with the sick kids and the people at the homeless shelter and even the animals, I knew he wasn’t doing it to be obnoxious, he was a naturally curious and caring person and that sometimes came across as nosey when he truly just wanted to help.

“It’s no secret I’ve always been the mixed kid from the wrong side of the tracks. Never white enough for the white folks and never Black enough for the Black crowd. Basketball was the only thing I had going for me and even that was good but not great.” I took one last cookie and covered them up again before I ate the entire plate. “Coming out was for myself and to piss my father off. No one really cared and I sometimes wonder if it was because neither side claimed me as their own so they didn’t care if I was gay.” The words pouring out of me barely made sense to my own ears and I wondered if Dre would think I was crazy. “College ball was great, college classes not so much. Blaine was going to be my one bright spot—and he was, for a while. Blew out my knee, lost basketball, left school. Settled in with Blaine—who never once let me forget that I was just a paramedic compared to his medical degree. Couldn’t even keep a relationship together with a gambling, drunk cheater.” I shrugged and wiped some crumbs into the sink. “It’s just a lot and I get down on myself sometimes.”

Dre shook his head. “One day, I really want to talk about high school, but I won’t push it today.”

“Probably for the best. That shit is long gone, no need.” For some reason, opening up to Dre about how I’d felt about him back then—the jealousy and envy, the attraction, the anger over his attitude, all of it—put me on guard.

“I don’t see a person who should feel sorry for himself,” Dre started. “I’ve watched you over the months since you moved in here and especially since we got thrown together at work. You’re probably the most skilled and intelligent paramedic I’ve ever worked with. You’ve got a real talent—keeping calm, knowing what to do, relating to your patients, the whole package.

“You’re also amazing with kids and the elderly. Hadley’s friends and the kids at the hospital looked at you as if you walked on water. Bev’s bingo bunch were enamored with you from the moment we walked it. I think you could have told them they needed to do hourly enemas and get a shot every day and they would have happily agreed just to keep you talking.” Dre snuck one more cookie before pushing the plate to the far corner.

“People just like to be listened to. The kids and the bingo crew, they all just like having someone to