Discovering Truths by B. Benfield (chrysanthemum read aloud .TXT) 📕

I couldn’t have him playing with my heart. The fact that my heart was even involved should have sent me running and I knew that. Something about Gage pulled me in. Some crazy part of me hoped we could have a future together.

Chapter Nineteen

 

January 2018

 

The summer ended and my relationship continued with Gage just as it had been. We saw each other as often as we could. Sometimes we’d have to skip a week and that was hard, but I tried not to let it show. If he only knew how much he affected me…

Occasionally we’d have a lunch or coffee date, but more often than not, when we were together, it was all about connecting physically. I’d become addicted to him. When we weren’t together, the things he would say to me made me believe that he was addicted too. He’d say how much he missed me and how things were so good when we were together. He’d tell me about the things he couldn’t wait for us to experience together. It made me truly believe that he was in this just as much as I was.

November approached and Gage took a family trip to Washington the week of Thanksgiving. They spent the holiday there and went to a football game. Although I didn’t see him every day anyway, I had a hard time with him being so far away. The fact that he was with his family was another punch in the gut. His family. Not me. We were nothing serious, only a fling…an escape from reality. What would it take to get that through my head?

When he came back from his trip, he saw me immediately, and that made everything better. It was like that. When I was alone, reflecting on our situation and our realities, negative and depressing thoughts consumed me. As soon as we were together again, he’d wash all that away and make me feel like I was the only person of importance.

We saw each other one more time before Christmas, and then we struggled coordinating a time with all the holiday events happening. One random day in January, everything took a turn when an unexpected message arrived.

Gage: I think we should stop.

Surely I didn’t read that correctly. We should stop? What did he mean and where was this coming from?

Me: Stop?

Gage: I just think its best right now.

I’d never been more confused in my life. We hadn’t had any problems. Everything was going wonderfully. As wonderfully as it could go, anyway. I didn’t understand the sudden change of heart.

Me: Did something happen? I’m sorry, I just don’t understand.

Gage: Nothing has happened. I’ve just been thinking, and I think it’d be best if we just stop.

I couldn’t believe what I was reading. How did he pour his heart out one day, and decide the next that he couldn’t continue with me? I was convinced there was more to the story…something he didn’t want me to know. He didn’t say much, and he made it clear that he wasn’t going to. I was at a loss for words, so I kept my reply simple.

Me: Okay.

 

Now, I was furious. I blocked him on Messenger, thankful that I never gave him my phone number. If he wanted to end things, I wanted no communication.

I sat there for a moment, staring out the window, a million thoughts coursing through my mind. I couldn’t believe I’d gotten myself into this situation. Melinda was right and I knew it from the beginning. I should have ended things with Marcus and moved on with my life. I should have never conjured up some deranged plan. Now I sat here with a broken heart. It all came down to Marcus. All of this was his fault. He continued to do as he pleased, and when I tried to fix it, I was still the one suffering.

Tears began to fall and I laid my head down, unable to control it any longer. I couldn’t even look at myself. What have I done? Everything would have been fine if I could have kept my emotions in check. I wished I could have realized that everything between Gage and I was only fun, nothing more, but he provided all the feelings Marcus didn’t, causing me to fall harder. When I thought about how much I cared for him, I cried harder.

It was in that moment that I realized I was in love with him.

***

I stayed to myself for a few days after that. At home, it was nothing unusual, but at work, it was noticeable to everyone. Mike would ask me every day if I was alright, and I finally told him no, I wasn’t. I told him I was just going through some things, and I’d get over it eventually. The reason for my hurt wasn’t exactly something I could share with everyone. I could tell he was concerned, though, and it made me feel good to know that someone cared. I’d been at my job about six months and grown close to my boss. Besides Melinda, I felt like he was my only friend.

Speaking of Melinda, I’d been avoiding her. She wasn’t one I could keep things from, and I hadn’t been ready to get into it with her. After staying to myself for a few days, I decided it might be good to finally talk to someone.

Me: Hey. Sorry I haven’t responded to your texts.

Melinda: What is going on?

Me: Gage ended things with me…I know you’re going to say that it’s for the best. I know it is. But Mel…I love him.

Melinda: Oh, Abby…

Me: I know I shouldn’t have let things get to this point, but I couldn’t help it. Now I’m heartbroken.

Melinda: Abby, I’m sorry. You know how I felt about everything, but I do feel