Discovering Truths by B. Benfield (chrysanthemum read aloud .TXT) 📕

wide awake. I was all alone in a dark, big, quiet house, and I couldn’t stop my mind from wandering to Gage. I missed him so much it hurt. When my mind was occupied, I thought I’d be okay, but it was times like these that I didn’t know if I’d actually make it. That was a problem considering I spent a lot of time alone.

Something had to give. My sanity depended on it.

Chapter Twenty

 

Pulling myself out of bed in the morning was a difficult task. I thought I was depressed before, but nothing compared to how I felt now. After I discovered that Marcus was having an affair, my whole world was crushed, but my feelings quickly turned to anger. With Gage, it was different…like a whole different kind of heartbreak. Maybe that was my karma for the way I handled everything. Maybe I deserved this.

I wanted to hate Gage so much, but I couldn’t. The love I had for him overshadowed all the other feelings, and that’s what I hated.

Melinda: You’re good with PI, right? I need your help.

What is she talking about?

Me: Huh?

Melinda: I think Jon might be cheating.

Okay, she’d really lost it. Maybe my whole situation had made her paranoid because there was no way Jon would do that to Melinda. He worshipped the ground she walked on.

Me: Lol. Mel. You’re joking, right?

Melinda: No.

Me: What makes you think that?

Melinda: He wasn’t home last night and he didn’t get here till almost four in the morning. He said he was with his brother and some friends. Yeah right. They never stay out that late.

Me: But he goes out with his brother often…right?

Melinda: It’s becoming too often. And they usually don’t stay out that late.

Me: Are you sure you’re not overacting?

Melinda: I just have a bad gut feeling. And why didn’t he answer my calls or texts?

Me: Now that…I don’t know.

I still thought she was crazy, but I’d help her. Maybe it would take my mind off the mess that was my life.

Melinda: I’m just starting to get paranoid.

Me: Alright. We’ll do some digging. First things first…why don’t you try to jack his phone?

Melinda: I’ll try…if I can ever get it away from him.

 

For Melinda’s sake, I hoped this was all in her head. I knew the pain she’d suffer if it turned out to be true. Unfortunately, I also knew what it was like to be on the other side of the situation. I hated myself for that.

***

Marcus was gone for the weekend, and although I hated being around him, part of me wanted him home. At least when he was there, I could try and focus my attention somewhere other than my sadness. I’d rather fake it and play house with him than feel like my whole world was falling apart. The depression medicine I took wasn’t working. I knew this time that I caused most of the depression I felt, but I needed some sort of help to get back on the right track. I had to move on with my life. I couldn’t stay stuck in this funk forever.

I knew that I eventually had to leave Marcus. There was no way I could stay with him given everything that had happened…on both ends. I didn’t know what was stopping me from leaving. I was saving every penny I made from working and I told myself that once my bank account had a nice cushion, I was out. I think the fact that I had never been by myself is what was stopping me. I went from my parent’s house, to a college dorm with a roommate, to living with Marcus. I’d never lived by myself. I was basically on my own now. I could do it. I just needed the push.

As I sat in my house alone, sulking and feeling sorry for myself, I decided to do something I’d always dreaded before. I logged on to the website for the office of Doctor James. Maybe if I talked to someone, I could make sense of my feelings…my life…my purpose. Prescriptions couldn’t be the only answer. There had to be more. Maybe if I’d tried a little harder the first time I’d seen her, I wouldn’t be in this predicament now. I’d always believed that everything happened for a reason. The stars aligned as they should.

I submitted the form online for an appointment after work on Monday. I didn’t know what I’d say, or where to begin, but I knew I had to try something and this was a start.

I couldn’t help but wonder what Gage was thinking. Had I crossed his mind? Did he regret his decision? Part of me wished he’d reach out somehow and tell me he made a mistake. I blocked him on Messenger, but if he wanted to get ahold of me, he’d figure out a way. Then I thought about now and all the hurt he’d caused me. Why would I ever want to associate with someone who’d brought me so much pain?

Because my love for him was so strong that nothing else mattered and that’s why moving forward was so difficult.

***

Two Days Later

 

Melinda: I can’t get ahold of the phone.

Me: Are you still having suspicions?

Melinda: Yes. He says he’s going over to his brother’s this evening to help him with something. Can we follow him?

Me: Are you sure you want to do all that?

Melinda: Yes. I have to know, Abby. It’s going to drive me crazy.

Me: Okay…do you have some kind of plan?

Melinda: That’s what I was counting on you for.

Me: How far away does his brother live? And what time is he going?

Melinda: He’s heading over there around seven. And he lives about fifteen minutes from us.

Me: