The Hardest Cut by Jamie Bennett (book club recommendations .TXT) 📕

sat down across from his desk.  There was one picture on it, of a much-smaller Tessa.  I wondered again about her mom. Ben’s wife?  Girlfriend?  Ex?  There wasn’t any sign of her in here and there wasn’t in their house, either, and he didn’t even have a tan line on his left hand from a ring.

“Here.”  He came back in and handed me an extra-large ice pack.  I tilted onto my hip to place it on the bruise, wincing as I did.

“It’s a little sore,” I admitted.

“It’s a bad one.  How’d you do that?”

“I fell.  The ground wasn’t as forgiving as it might have been.”

“But that wasn’t why you were you crying just now?”

Well, that made me start up the tears again.  “Gravy!  I’m sorry,” I told him.  “It was a hard morning.  We got a talking-to about gaining weight, then three girls got cut, and I was called into the office and I thought I was going home for good.  But they just told me that I’m a bad dancer…”  I hiccupped a little sob.

“I don’t think you would have gotten past the first audition if you were a bad dancer.  I bet they’re pretty picky.  Isn’t the Woodsmen squad one of the best in the whole league?  I know my old team really enjoyed watching the sideline routines when we came here to play.”

I thought of Marley and her remarks about shaking my butt and boobs at the games.  “That was probably due to the halter tops.  But they are really, really good.  Like, girls from other squads in the league come here to try to make it because it means something to them.  And it means something to me, too—it means a lot, and I really want to be a Woodsmen dancer, but I don’t know if I’m good enough.”

Ben handed me a box of tissues.  “Are you quitting?”

“Of course not!” I said, offended.  “I’m just upset because of the fat issue and my lack of skills.”  I thought of how the last year had gone, all the things I’d done wrong.  I needed to do something right.  “Haven’t you ever wanted something so much, more than anything, and you feel like you’re watching it get away from you?”

He stared at me for a long, long moment before he nodded.  “Yes.  Yes, I have felt exactly like that.”

“When?  Do you mean with football?”

Now he looked slightly startled.  “Um, sure.  I got recruited to a big-time football college and thought that I was the best thing going.  Then my only function was sitting on the bench and calling in the plays, and I wasn’t such a hotshot anymore.  I thought I would never get a chance, never get to play pro.  It made me run faster, throw harder, lift more, give everything.”

“Because you wanted it so much,” I concluded, but he just shrugged.  “Then you got made the starter because you deserved it.  I’ll just work harder, too.  I’ll make it happen.”

Ben pointed at the ice pack.  “Maybe make it happen somewhere with padding,” he suggested, and I even laughed a little.  “Does it feel ok to walk?  Ready to go?”

I stood and he picked up my bag again and led the way toward the correct door.  I found myself watching him carefully as we went.  I’d seen him when he was stern with Mrs. Haberman and very sweet with his daughter, but with me, he’d been all business.  Even at dinner at the Hummingbird Café, we’d mostly discussed football, and he’d been almost professional in how we interacted.  Nice, but remote.  He’d been so different today—like a friend, really, and I liked it.

Just as Ben put his hand on the door, he stopped.  “Gaby, what you were saying before, about your weight.”

“You don’t need to worry about me talking about being fat around Tessa,” I answered quickly.  “I know how damaging messages like that can be for little girls, to hear that they need to worry all the time about their stomachs, their thighs, their hips.  Upper arms, cheeks, under the chin, butt.  It ruins them, really.”

“I agree.  I don’t want Tessa to ever have that on her mind, if I can prevent it.  But if they’re making you worry…”  He broke off.  “Do you smell something?”  He pushed open the door and sunlight poured in.  Along with smoke.  “Jesus, there’s a car on fire in the parking lot!”

“God damn it!” I heard someone howl over the noise of approaching sirens, and I recognized my coach’s voice.  “She’s a damn lunatic!”  Sam was hopping forward and backward in fury, with Rylah holding his shirt so that he didn’t get too close to the flames.

“What in the hell happened?” Ben yelled above the noise.

“One of the girls we cut from the cheer squad came out here and set my car on fire!” Sam hollered back.

Oh, good gravy!  “Vanessa figured out what she was going to do when she didn’t make the team,” I whispered, but then I spotted something that made my heart almost quit.  “My car is parked on the other side of his, only one spot over!” I exclaimed, and started to run toward it, but Ben grabbed my arm.

“You can’t go near that!  We all need to get back,” he directed everyone.  We did, even Sam, but he kept up the swearing.  We watched as the firefighters arrived and fairly quickly put out the fire.  Sam’s car was a charred hulk, and mine…

“Oh, no.  It looks even worse,” I said, and tears definitely started again when I got close enough to really see the damage.  Besides the crushed front, the car was now toasted, with the paint on one side browned like a marshmallow over an open flame.  When I got the all-clear that I could touch it and then get in, I tried the engine.  It did start, but the interior smelled so badly of chemical smoke that my eyes watered.

I sat for a moment to calm myself before I rolled down the window.