Gifting Fire by Alina Boyden (read my book .TXT) 📕

I knew that if I asked him to charge into the courtyard with his khanda to cut down Karim, he would. But then he would die and all hope really would be lost.

No, I had to use my brain rather than give in to my basest impulses. Karim wasn’t wrong. An hour was enough time for me to ruin his plans. I just had to stop crying like an infant and get to work.

I wiped the tears from my face with my dupatta and took several deep, fortifying breaths. I had work to do. I had to have everything in place before I surrendered. After that, there would be no chance at all.

“I love you with my whole heart, my prince,” I told Arjun, placing my palm against his rough cheek, savoring the sensation, not sure when I would ever experience it again.

“Razia . . .”

“I need you to listen to me,” I said. “There isn’t much time. We have to make the best use of the time we have left.”

He understood at once. “You have a plan?”

“Not a good one,” I confessed, the ridiculousness of it making me smile in spite of all the pain that was pressing against the walls of my chest. “But so long as you love me, I will have hope.”

“I will always love you,” he declared, which was what I’d expected him to say. What I hadn’t expected was for him to hold me close and to look into my eyes and to say, “Whatever happens next isn’t your fault. I know how women are judged in this world for circumstances that are beyond their control, but I will never judge you for what comes next. You do what you have to do to survive. So long as you are alive, I will always love you. Nothing that Karim Shah does will ever change that.”

I felt my resolve crumbling, because as much as his words gave me hope, as much as they reassured me, they also filled me with dread. Neither of us was naive. We knew what would come next. We knew what Karim would do to me once I was under his power. Arjun was giving me permission to survive it, but I wasn’t sure that I really wanted to survive it. I wasn’t sure I had the strength to face it again. But for my sisters, I would. For them I would have faced anything.

“You will have to return to Bikampur.” I could scarcely choke the words out through my too-tight throat. “You and Arvind will have to go back, and you will have to convince your father and as many Registani noblemen as you can to fly for you against Mahisagar when the time comes.”

“I can do that,” he assured me, hugging me fiercely. “If that’s what you need, then that’s what will happen.”

“We will need to find some way to communicate,” I said, my mind working frantically for the answer, but I hit on it quickly enough. “Shiv. I can send messages through Shiv. He can relay them to loyal Zindhis in the town, and they can relay them to Sunil Kalani. He has river zahhaks. They can act as go-betweens.”

“You think he’ll still work for you after you agree to marry Karim?” Arjun asked.

I shrugged, tears spilling down my cheeks as I imagined the way I would be viewed by the Zindhis now, as some foreign whore, willing to sell them out at the first opportunity. “If I can convince Hina that I’m not betraying her, then I think so. I hope so. But I don’t know. I can’t be sure.” Admitting that was so painful, but I had to consider the possibility that they wouldn’t. “If they don’t, messages will flow more slowly, but I’m sure Shiv will find a way.”

“He will,” Arjun assured me, whether he really believed it or not. He cradled my face in his hands, brushing away the tears with his thumbs. “So we have messages worked out. And I will get you fire zahhaks. I can’t promise sixteen, but I think I can get at least eight.”

“Eight would be enough . . .” I murmured. “How long will it take?”

“At least a fortnight,” he replied. “But once they’ve agreed to fight, it will be better if the battle takes place sooner rather than later.”

“A fortnight . . .” I didn’t know if that was enough time for Sunil to rally the Zindhi countryside to arms or not, but I supposed it would have to be. And I would need Safavia to attack as a distraction. It wasn’t absolutely necessary, but it would help. But in order to even get that far, I was going to have to convince Hina to trust me, and I was going to have to find a way of keeping her alive and safe. I thought I could keep her alive, but getting her to trust me? That was going to take work.

“Go and tell Shiv of my plans,” I told Arjun, “and send Hina in here. Take command of the troops yourself, so that Sikander doesn’t get any ideas.”

“I won’t let him hurt your sisters,” Arjun promised. But he didn’t let me go right away. He clutched me to his chest and pressed his face into my hair, drinking in my scent like he was trying to commit it to memory. I closed my eyes and pushed all the pain and the fear and the planning from my mind so that I could remember what it felt like to be held by him. I didn’t want to forget, and I didn’t know how long it would be until I felt it again.

At last, Arjun let me go. He left the bedchamber, and I collapsed on my bed, curling up into a ball, with my knees hugged to my chest and my back pressed against the headboard. I cried then in earnest, because there was no one there to see my weakness, no one there to think any less of me for the anguish that was spilling