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remember. I’m old, not senile.”

“I came over to your place. I was crying. Pablo was there. He had no idea what to do.”

“Well, that part sounds true. He was a lovely man but useless. What are you trying to suggest? That I am some sort of unfeeling monster? That if someone I love was upset, I would just ignore them?”

“No… No.”

“What are you trying to say, Amber?”

“That it happened. That’s all. You pushed me away, Joan. You chose him over me.”

“Him?”

“Ellis. And you’re doing it again now.”

“Oh, Amber.” Her face filled with compassion. “You silly girl. I never made any such choice and neither did Megan.”

“But I’m not family. Not real family.”

“Oh, pish posh. You are family to us.”

“But —”

“You were the one who always tried to make it him or you. Neither Megan nor I never did. I would never choose him over you. Not now, not then.”

“You did and you are. I’m not imagining it. There is an issue here.” She indicated to herself and Joan.

“Maybe… But that has nothing to do with Ellis.”

55

Amber waited for Joan to go on. She didn’t.

“What issue?”

“The issue where you told Ted to cut off my toe.”

Amber breathed out slowly. “I didn’t tell him to cut off your toe. That is not what happened.”

“I was there, Amber.”

“I distracted him, so that Ben and I could try and save your life. Ted was going to do a lot worse than cut off your toe, trust me.”

“Yes, and why was that, Amber? Because you killed his daughter.”

“To stop him killing Ben.”

“And so you shot him in the face with a flare.”

Joan turned up both hands, not interested in hearing anymore.

Yes. That part about the flare was right. Amber went quiet, not sure how they’d ended up here.

“In the face,” Joan repeated eventually.

“It was to save your life. All of our lives.”

“Maybe…”

No, not maybe. Definitely. She didn’t argue the point.

“It’s an issue, Amber. That’s all I’m saying. I don’t want it to be, but it is.”

That made sense. Amber didn’t want what happened with telling Joan about the assault to be an issue either, yet clearly it was.

“What do we do?”

“We figure it out. Work through it. What we don’t do is run away.”

The two women sat there, processing their thoughts. It was a while until Joan spoke.

“Do you know what I remember from that time?”

“What time?”

“Back then, with you and Megan. Before Ben was born. You were trouble. You enjoyed drama, the pair of you. Add Ellis to the mix, and oh boy.”

“You always talk about how lovely I was.”

“And you were. That doesn’t mean you weren’t in trouble. And then Megan got pregnant, and you couldn’t seem to understand things had changed. It’s like you’d all been playing a game. Everyone else realised it was time to stop, but you couldn’t help yourself. You had to keep playing.”

“I never wanted to play. At all.”

“Whatever the reason, you were incredibly difficult, and everybody got sick of it, quite frankly. You didn’t like Ellis and were determined to burn it all down. We tried everything, but you wouldn’t listen.”

“I can be pretty stubborn.”

“You and Megan both. Listen, if something happened back then and I didn’t listen, I’m terribly sorry. It was a challenging time for everybody. But I would never ever deliberately push you away. Not then, not now. We need you. You make Megan a better person.”

“Right. Well, that’s clearly not working.”

“Are you kidding? You should see what she’s like when you’re not around. She needs you here, Amber. We all do.”

They stood. Joan wrapped Amber up in a hug. It was warm and familiar.

“That’s terrible,” she said finally. “About Ellis.”

Like she was just now processing it.

“It was eighteen years ago.”

“Still. What are you going to do about it?”

“Nothing. I’m over it. I just didn’t realise it.”

“Why you stupid girls ever got involved with that boy I will never understand. But whether I like him or not is irrelevant. He is Ben’s father.”

For some reason this sent a chill through Amber. Why? It’s not like this was new information.

“I know.”

“Do you? You never seemed to get it back then.”

“Maybe.” Amber moved to the door. “And Joan? I’m sorry about telling Ted he could cut off your toe.”

“Thank you. As long as it doesn’t happen again.”

Amber wasn’t sure which part Joan was referring to. It didn’t seem worth clarifying.

56

The vial burned a hole in Ben’s leg.

The thing was tiny, about the size of those little sauce sachets that come with sushi. It was red-hot, searing his flesh through the fabric of his pants.

“You okay?” Nicole asked.

“Sure.”

They were sitting on the bed in her room, leaning against the bedhead. Legs outstretched.

Ben had arrived about twenty minutes earlier. The security guard asked his name and business. Ben was convinced he was done right there. The guy had to have seen right through him. Know what he was up to. Or would frisk him and find the vial. Surprisingly, Ben was allowed in and made his way up to Nicole’s bedroom with her.

“Is this okay?” he asked on their way.

“Why wouldn’t it be?”

“Is… Is your dad home?”

“Who knows? Does it matter?

He supposed not. And besides, the house was so big it could take him a full couple of hours to find them if he was around. He was tempted to ask to see the ballroom, just to have a look at what it was like with no people. As just another room in the house.

They were sitting on Nicole’s bed. Close. Legs touching again.

“Don’t be nervous.”

“I’m not nervous.”

“You’re cute.” She held his hand which immediately became as hot as the vial on his leg. “Relax, tiger. Haven’t you ever been in a girl’s bedroom before?”

Not one he was about to kill, that’s for sure. Ben caught himself. He very nearly came clean. The whole thing almost came tumbling from his mouth. No filter at all. Not intentionally, it just almost spilled out.

He would be nervous enough in a situation like this. Alone with an attractive girl,

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