Uneasy Money by P. G. Wodehouse (types of ebook readers TXT) 📕

was as if the voice of conscience had shouted “Hi!” at him. He was just wondering if he had imagined the whole thing, when he perceived the red glow of a cigar and beyond it a shadowy form.

It was not the fact that he was in an equivocal position, staring into a house which did not belong to him, with his feet on somebody’s else private soil, that caused Bill to act as he did. It was the fact that at that moment he was not feeling equal to conversation with anybody on any subject whatsoever. It did not occur to him that his behavior might strike a nervous stranger as suspicious. All he aimed at was the swift removal of himself from a spot infested by others of his species. He ran, and Mr. Pickering, having followed him with the eye of fear, went rather shakily into the house, his brain whirling with professional cracksmen and gas pipes and assaulted butlers, to relate his adventure.

“A great, hulking, ruffianly sort of fellow glaring in at the window,” said Mr. Pickering. “I shouted at him and he ran like a rabbit.”

“Gee! Must have been one of the gang that’s been working down here,” said Roscoe Sheriff, “giving the place the double-o before breaking in. There might be a quarter of a column in that, properly worked, but I guess I’d better wait until he actually does bust the place.”

“We must notify the police!”

“Notify the police, and have them butt in and stop the thing and kill a good story?” There was honest amazement in the press agent’s voice “Let me tell you, it isn’t so easy to get publicity these days that you want to go out of your way to stop it!”

Mr. Pickering was appalled. A dislike of this man, which had grown less vivid since his scene with Claire, returned to him with redoubled force.

“Why, we may all be murdered in our beds!” he cried.

“Front-page stuff!” said Roscoe Sherriff with gleaming eyes. “And three columns at least. Fine!”

It might have consoled Lord Dawlish somewhat, as he lay awake that night, to have known that the man who had taken Claire from him⁠—though at present he was not aware of such a man’s existence⁠—also slept ill.

XIII

Lady Wetherby sat in her room, writing letters. The rest of the household were variously employed. Roscoe Sheriff was prowling about the house, brooding on campaigns of publicity. Dudley Pickering was walking in the grounds with Claire. In a little shack in the woods that adjoined the high road, which he had converted into a temporary studio, Lord Wetherby was working on a picture which he proposed to call “Innocence,” a study of a small Italian child he had discovered in Washington Square. Lady Wetherby, who had been taken to see the picture, had suggested “The Black Hand’s Newest Recruit” as a better title than the one selected by the artist.

It is a fact to be noted that of the entire household only Lady Wetherby could fairly be described as happy. It took very little to make Lady Wetherby happy. Fine weather, good food, and a complete abstention from classical dancing⁠—give her these and she asked no more. She was, moreover, delighted at Claire’s engagement. It seemed to her, for she had no knowledge of the existence of Lord Dawlish, a genuine manifestation of love’s young dream. She liked Dudley Pickering and she was devoted to Claire. It made her happy to think that it was she who had brought them together.

But of the other members of the party, Dudley Pickering was unhappy because he feared that burglars were about to raid the house; Roscoe Sherriff because he feared they were not; Claire because, now that the news of the engagement was out, it seemed to be everybody’s aim to leave her alone with Mr. Pickering, whose undiluted society tended to pall. And Lord Wetherby was unhappy because he found Eustace, the monkey, a perpetual strain upon his artistic nerves. It was Eustace who had driven him to his shack in the woods. He could have painted far more comfortably in the house, but Eustace had developed a habit of stealing up to him and plucking the leg of his trousers; and an artist simply cannot give of his best with that sort of thing going on.

Lady Wetherby wrote on. She was not fond of letter-writing and she had allowed her correspondence to accumulate; but she was disposing of it in an energetic and conscientious way when the entrance of Wrench, the butler, interrupted her.

Wrench had been imported from England at the request of Lord Wetherby, who had said that it soothed him and kept him from feeling homesick to see a butler about the place. Since then he had been hanging to the establishment, as it were, by a hair. He gave the impression of being always on the point of giving notice. There were so many things connected with his position of which he disapproved. He had made no official pronouncement of the matter, but Lady Wetherby knew that he disapproved of her classical dancing. His last position had been with the Dowager Duchess of Waveney, the well-known political hostess, who⁠—even had the somewhat generous lines on which she was built not prevented the possibility of such a thing⁠—would have perished rather than dance barefooted in a public restaurant. Wrench also disapproved of America. That fact had been made plain immediately upon his arrival in the country. He had given America one look, and then his mind was made up⁠—he disapproved of it.

“If you please, m’lady!”

Lady Wetherby turned. The butler was looking even more than usually disapproving, and his disapproval had, so to speak, crystallized, as if it had found some more concrete and definite objective than either barefoot dancing or the United States.

“If you please, m’lady⁠—the hape!”

It was Wrench’s custom to speak of Eustace in a tone of restrained disgust. He disapproved of Eustace. The Dowager Duchess of Waveney, though