The Nurse by J. Corrigan (list of ebook readers txt) 📕

She carried on, ‘Is the baby’s father aware of the pregnancy?’

‘He is.’

‘And is he in agreement to a termination?’

‘It doesn’t matter what he wants; this is my choice.’

It was her turn to nod. ‘Yes, indeed. But I suggest you discuss it with him again before making a final decision.’ She paused, and finally I saw some compassion in her expression. ‘It’s the best way forward, trust me.’

‘Yes.’ I didn’t want to discuss a termination with Daniel because… because… Why didn’t I? Because I didn’t want him to think badly of me and I knew in that moment, if I were to go through with one, I would forever think badly of myself. In my third year I’d observed an abortion. I was a big advocate for women making their own choices regarding their own bodies, I was very much pro-abortion, but the surgical procedure was brutal. I was staring at the doctor sitting opposite me and she smiled back; it changed her whole face.

She then went through the itinerary of a termination – all of which I was aware. My stomach began to turn over, as if the bundle of cells forming inside could hear her. My mind reached back to being with Daniel, how I felt about him, how he made me feel, and his complete and unconditional acceptance of my bombshell pregnancy news.

I can’t do this.

‘So, Miss Trahern, I will discuss this with my colleague, and I’ll be in contact with you within seventy-two hours.’

Still thinking of Daniel, and the surgical abortion I’d once witnessed, I stood. ‘I can’t do it.’

She stood too, took my elbow and gently pressed me back into the chair. ‘Does the father want you to keep the baby, Miss Trahern?’

‘He does.’

‘You can defer a year on your course, you know. You are young.’

‘I know.’ I looked at her. ‘This is all in confidence, isn’t it? You won’t discuss this with my school? My head of faculty?’

‘Of course not.’

‘I’ve changed my mind,’ I said in a whisper.

‘Go away and think about it for a week. We have time; you are well within the limit.’

‘I don’t need to think about it.’

She studied me. ‘No, I don’t think you do. But contact me in a week in any case with your final decision.’

I got up again. ‘Thank you for your time.’

Her facial expression had settled back to the way it had been at the beginning of our appointment. ‘It’s my job, Miss Trahern.’

On the bus home, I felt much lighter than I’d felt on the way there.

My decision was made.

28

18 June 1991

Daniel picked me up late the next morning and took me to Newstead Abbey. We talked a lot but I mentioned nothing about my previous day’s activities. By the end of the afternoon my decision was cemented. There was no way I’d go through with a termination.

Back at Daniel’s house, he made me tea and toast, and after watching some inane TV, we had an early night. We didn’t make love; he just held me, and I slept the whole night through. The following morning, I called my mum to tell her I was bringing Daniel over, but she didn’t pick up.

As we drove to my childhood home, I wondered if the house would be in total chaos when we arrived. It was early, so she might still be in bed, though I hoped not. Daniel parked the car and took hold of my hand.

‘I’m not sure,’ I said. ‘My mum’s not keen on impromptu visits.’

‘Go and check. If it’s not convenient, I won’t come in.’

‘Okay.’ I got out and made my way up the path. Outside the front door, her shoes were neatly laid out on a piece of newspaper with an umbrella resting inside one of them. A good sign. She’d been out for an early walk. She’d been organised: she’d left the dirty shoes outside and had remembered to take a brolly. I pulled out my key and opened the door. Thankfully the house smelt of strong air freshener. I sneezed.

‘Mum, it’s me,’ I shouted.

She poked her head around the kitchen door. ‘Hello, love.’ It was as if the day she’d come over to my house, the pregnancy test and our argument hadn’t happened. That was often the way.

‘I’ve brought Daniel to meet you. He’s waiting outside.’

‘Bring him in then. Have you told him?’

‘Of course I have.’

‘And he knows I know?’

‘Yes, he does.’

I made my way back to the car. Daniel opened the window.

‘Come on in,’ I said.

He gave me a thumbs-up and I managed a smile.

Mum was waiting in the hall, and her eyes opened wide as she saw Daniel for the first time.

‘So nice to meet you again,’ he said.

I stabbed a look at her, then at Daniel; lifted my shoulders in question.

‘Mr Deane, what a surprise. Please, come in. Don’t stand in the doorway.’

‘You two know each other?’ I directed my question at Daniel.

‘I met Mr Deane at the end of my interview,’ Mum interjected.

‘Interview?’ I asked.

‘At the hospital,’ Daniel replied for her.

‘Your cleaning job?’

‘Yes, Rose,’ Mum replied. ‘The cleaning job.’

I turned to Daniel. ‘You knew?’

‘I bumped into… Mrs Trahern in the waiting room.’

‘That’s right,’ my mum said with a huge grin. ‘After my interview with Personnel.’ I’d forgotten she was in the hallway with us.

‘You didn’t think to tell me?’

‘I didn’t know Marion was your mum, Rose,’ Daniel said. ‘I only caught her first name.’

Mum took hold of his elbow. ‘Come through to the kitchen. I’m just about to make a brew.’

‘How’s the job going?’ he asked her.

‘Well,’ she replied.

‘Great to hear. I know we’ve been struggling to get someone reliable.’

‘Well, despite some initial problems with the background questions,’ she replied quietly, ‘I think we got it all cleared up.’

I wondered if she’d come clean about the shoplifting. If she had, it was a step forward.

Daniel said, ‘I should have put you two together immediately. That hair.’

God, she looked bashful. ‘Our meeting was very brief,’ she said.

I couldn’t believe we were standing there