Jase by Fields, J. (ebook reader browser TXT) 📕

used to the idea, and waited for the best deal. I was a five minute walk from school, so gas was not an issue and groceries weren’t either. Every Sunday I went home for dinner and every Sunday night I got a text from mom to check my trunk. Always full of groceries.

Jane and I hung out a lot and she always brought a movie or take out when she and I hung out at least three days a week.

My last week of school was finally here: I was graduating in the winter. The funds for Thomas’s research were depleted but he and I both felt we couldn’t stop. I wouldn’t ask for more money, and Mom and Thomas had enough saved that they had decided together that if I moved back home, we could continue, just until I got a job or we found funding. I moved back in the weekend before graduation. I was grateful to have experienced my own sort of dorm life for almost five full months. Jane took over my little pad and was happier than could be.

~

Thomas and I were going over findings waiting for Mom to finish grading finals when there was a knock on the door. I got up and answered it.

Sally Henderson stood looking at me, “May I come in?”

“Of course, Mom is still at work but she should be home any minute.”

“Carly there is no easy way to tell you this,” and then everything went black.

Thomas was so strong for me. He made phone calls, my father was his first. He told him that I was sleeping and as soon as I woke, I would call him. Cameron was next, then Mimi and on down the line.

Mimi walked in and her face showed obvious signs of tears, but she held her head high and asked Thomas and I to follow her. She opened the safe that neither of us knew of and pulled out paperwork. A will and a file from a nearby funeral home. Mom had planned her own funeral, it was paid for and planned to the last detail. Her instructions were for immediate family and very close friends only. She wanted to be cremated, she even picked out the Urn.

“Two days from today and after the service, we aren’t allowed to cry,” Mimi’s voice broke, “We celebrate her life and our time with her.”

“When did you do all this?”

“Years ago, after a year of working together. My file is now yours to deal with, Carly,” Mimi wiped a tear.

“Your forty two Mimi!”

“I KNOW!”

Thomas jumped, “Okay we need to…”

We cried and hugged each other and then I pulled Thomas into our embrace. After a few minutes he began to tremble, “I need to go, I need to see her.”

~

When we came home the house was full of food and flowers. Thomas and I just looked at each other for a few minutes, “How the hell did this happen?”

I started crying immediately, what else can you do? One day you’re sitting at breakfast, laughing and making plans to play a fucking board game and then a knock on the door and the whole world changes. She was my life, mother, and best friend all rolled into one. I had never really thought about why I knew she was the best mother… I just knew she was. She was patient, and loving, she supported me in everything I had ever wanted to do. There was always balance in our lives and I knew I was one of the two most important people in her life. She laughed at her mistakes and ours, a life lesson chalk it up and move on. She never pretended to be perfect and she didn’t have to. She was the absolute perfect mother for me.

The emptiness inside was immediate. I felt myself caving in, into a deep black nothing. I could survive anything because I knew I had her. Now… I had nothing, worse than nothing. I looked at Thomas who had started to finally break down.

“We’ll know soon enough,” I hugged him and we both sobbed.

We woke the next morning and did the same thing. Cameron phoned from the airport, I didn’t even know he was already on his way. But of course, he would be. I showered and dressed and came out and saw Thomas sitting at the desk they shared for almost a year now, he was crying and my shattered heart was breaking even more. He picked up his laptop and threw it against the fireplace and it smashed into pieces.

He turned around and saw me, “I can’t fucking do this Carly.”

“I know,” I started to cry again.

Tears don’t dry up, pain doesn’t go away, and hearts don’t heal from this kind of loss. I knew that for the rest of my life it would hurt this bad. Nothing could replace her… ever.

Two days would never be enough time.

Two lifetimes wouldn’t be, and if there really was a hell: I just found it.

I grabbed the broom and dust pan and turned to see him on his knees sobbing and whispering something. I assumed he was praying. I watched him wondering how he could talk to him right now. But when he was done he wiped his eyes and turned around and reached for the broom, “Please, I can do that.”

“Were you praying?”

“Yes,” Thomas cleaned up the mess.

“What made you smash the computer?”

“An email, we got funding, not that it matters now,” he cleaned up the mess and took the trash out.

When he came back in he took a deep breath, “We get through our allotted two days Carly, just like she instructed. We love her forever because there’s no other way, and we make her proud because she’s looking down on us now.”

“People who don’t believe don’t go to heaven,” I started walking away.

He grabbed my arm, “She believed Carly, and yes she did go to heaven. I know when you were younger you went to church. There would be no