The Big Time by Fritz Leiber (early reader chapter books .txt) 📕

alone at the bar. Once Sid had gone over to him and they’d had one together and I’d heard Bruce reciting from Rupert Brooke those deliberately corny lines, “For England’s the one land, I know, Where men with Splendid Hearts may go; and Cambridgeshire, of all England, The Shire for Men who Understand;” and I’d remembered that Brooke too had died young in World War One and my ideas had got fuzzy. But mostly Bruce was just calmly drinking by himself. Every once in a while Lili would look at him and stop dead in her dancing and laugh.

I’d figured out this Bruce-Lili-Erich business as well as I cared to. Lili had wanted the nest with all her heart and nothing else would ever satisfy her, and now she’d go to hell her own way and probably die of Bright’s disease for a third time in the Change World. Bruce hadn’t wanted the nest or Lili as much as he wanted the Change World and the chances it gave for Soldierly cavorting and poetic drunks; Lili’s seed wasn’t his idea of healing the cosmos; maybe he’d make a real mutiny some day, but more likely he’d stick to barroom epics.

His and Lili’s infatuation wouldn’t die completely, no matter how rancid it looked right now. The real-love angle might go, but Change would magnify the romance angle and it might seem to them like a big thing of a sort if they met again.

Erich had his Kamerad, shaped to suit him, who’d had the guts and cleverness to disarm the bomb he’d had the guts to trigger. You have to hand it to Erich for having the nerve to put us all in a situation where we’d have to find the Maintainer or fry, but I don’t know anything disgusting enough to hand to him.

I had tried a while back. I had gone up behind him and said, “Hey, how’s my wicked little commandant? Forgotten your und so weiter?” and as he turned, I clawed my nails and slammed him across the cheek. That’s how I got the black eye. Maud wanted to put an electronic leech on it, but I took the old handkerchief in ice water. Well, at any rate Erich had his scratches to match Bruce’s, not as deep, but four of them, and I told myself maybe they’d get infected⁠—I hadn’t washed my hands since the hunt. Not that Erich doesn’t love scars.

Mark was the one who helped me up after Erich knocked me down.

“You got any omnias for that?” I snapped at him.

“For what?” Mark asked.

“Oh, for everything that’s been happening to us,” I told him disgustedly.

He seemed to actually think for a moment and then he said, “Omnia mutantur, nihil interit.”

“Meaning?” I asked him.

He said, “All things change, but nothing is really lost.”

It would be a wonderful philosophy to stand with against the Change Winds. Also damn silly. I wondered if Mark really believed it. I wished I could. Sometimes I come close to thinking it’s a lot of baloney trying to be any decent kind of Demon, even a good Entertainer. Then I tell myself, “That’s life, Greta. You’ve got to love through it somehow.” But there are times when some of these cookies are not too easy to love.

Something brushed the palm of my hand again. It was Illy’s tentacle, with the tendrils of the tip spread out like a little bush. I started to pull my hand away, but then I realized the Loon was simply lonely. I surrendered my hand to the patterned gossamer pressures of feather-talk.

Right away I got the words, “Feeling lonely, Greta girl?”

It almost floored me, I tell you. Here I was understanding feather-talk, which I just didn’t, and I was understanding it in English, which didn’t make sense at all.

For a second, I thought Illy must have spoken, but I knew he hadn’t, and for a couple more seconds I thought he was working telepathy on me, using the feather-talk as cues. Then I tumbled to what was happening: he was playing English on my palm like on the keyboard of his squeakbox, and since I could play English on a squeakbox myself, my mind translated automatically.

Realizing this almost gave my mind stage fright, but I was too fagged to be hocused by self-consciousness. I just lay back and let the thoughts come through. It’s good to have someone talk to you, even an underweight octopus, and without the squeaks Illy didn’t sound so silly; his phrasing was soberer.

“Feeling sad, Greta girl, because you’ll never understand what’s happening to us all,” Illy asked me, “because you’ll never be anything but a shadow fighting shadows⁠—and trying to love shadows in between the battles? It’s time you understood we’re not really fighting a war at all, although it looks that way, but going through a kind of evolution, though not exactly the kind Erich had in mind.

“Your Terran thought has a word for it and a theory for it⁠—a theory that recurs on many worlds. It’s about the four orders of life: Plants, Animals, Men and Demons. Plants are energy-binders⁠—they can’t move through space or time, but they can clutch energy and transform it. Animals are space-binders⁠—they can move through space. Man (Terran or E.T., Lunan or non-Lunan) is a time-binder⁠—he has memory.

“Demons are the fourth order of evolution, possibility-binders⁠—they can make all of what might be part of what is, and that is their evolutionary function. Resurrection is like the metamorphosis of a caterpillar into a butterfly: a third-order being breaks out of the chrysalis of its lifeline into fourth-order life. The leap from the ripped cocoon of an unchanging reality is like the first animal’s leap when he ceases to be a plant, and the Change World is the core of meaning behind the many myths of immortality.

“All evolution looks like a war at first⁠—octopoids against monopoids, mammals against reptiles. And it has a necessary dialectic: there must be the