The Phoenix and the Carpet by E. Nesbit (best non fiction books of all time .TXT) 📕

shouted to the policeman four mixed and wholly different explanations of the very mixed events of the evening.

Did you ever try to explain the simplest thing to a policeman?

VIII The Cats, the Cow, and the Burglar

The nursery was full of Persian cats and muskrats that had been brought there by the wishing carpet. The cats were mewing and the muskrats were squeaking so that you could hardly hear yourself speak. In the kitchen were the four children, one candle, a concealed Phoenix, and a very visible policeman.

“Now then, look here,” said the Policeman, very loudly, and he pointed his lantern at each child in turn, “what’s the meaning of this here yelling and caterwauling. I tell you you’ve got a cat here, and someone’s a ill-treating of it. What do you mean by it, eh?”

It was five to one, counting the Phoenix; but the policeman, who was one, was of unusually fine size, and the five, including the Phoenix, were small. The mews and the squeaks grew softer, and in the comparative silence, Cyril said⁠—

“It’s true. There are a few cats here. But we’ve not hurt them. It’s quite the opposite. We’ve just fed them.”

“It don’t sound like it,” said the policeman grimly.

“I daresay they’re not real cats,” said Jane madly, “perhaps they’re only dream-cats.”

“I’ll dream-cat you, my lady,” was the brief response of the force.

“If you understood anything except people who do murders and stealings and naughty things like that, I’d tell you all about it,” said Robert; “but I’m certain you don’t. You’re not meant to shove your oar into people’s private cat-keepings. You’re only supposed to interfere when people shout ‘murder’ and ‘stop thief’ in the street. So there!”

The policeman assured them that he should see about that; and at this point the Phoenix, who had been making itself small on the pot-shelf under the dresser, among the saucepan lids and the fish-kettle, walked on tiptoed claws in a noiseless and modest manner, and left the room unnoticed by anyone.

“Oh, don’t be so horrid,” Anthea was saying, gently and earnestly. “We love cats⁠—dear pussy-soft things. We wouldn’t hurt them for worlds. Would we, Pussy?”

And Jane answered that of course they wouldn’t. And still the policeman seemed unmoved by their eloquence.

“Now, look here,” he said, “I’m a-going to see what’s in that room beyond there, and⁠—”

His voice was drowned in a wild burst of mewing and squeaking. And as soon as it died down all four children began to explain at once; and though the squeaking and mewing were not at their very loudest, yet there was quite enough of both to make it very hard for the policeman to understand a single word of any of the four wholly different explanations now poured out to him.

“Stow it,” he said at last. “I’m a-goin’ into the next room in the execution of my duty. I’m a-goin’ to use my eyes⁠—my ears have gone off their chumps, what with you and them cats.”

And he pushed Robert aside, and strode through the door.

“Don’t say I didn’t warn you,” said Robert.

“It’s tigers really,” said Jane. “Father said so. I wouldn’t go in, if I were you.”

But the policeman was quite stony; nothing anyone said seemed to make any difference to him. Some policemen are like this, I believe. He strode down the passage, and in another moment he would have been in the room with all the cats and all the rats (musk), but at that very instant a thin, sharp voice screamed from the street outside⁠—

“Murder⁠—murder! Stop thief!”

The policeman stopped, with one regulation boot heavily poised in the air.

“Eh?” he said.

And again the shrieks sounded shrilly and piercingly from the dark street outside.

“Come on,” said Robert. “Come and look after cats while somebody’s being killed outside.” For Robert had an inside feeling that told him quite plainly who it was that was screaming.

“You young rip,” said the policeman, “I’ll settle up with you bimeby.”

And he rushed out, and the children heard his boots going weightily along the pavement, and the screams also going along, rather ahead of the policeman; and both the murder-screams and the policeman’s boots faded away in the remote distance.

Then Robert smacked his knickerbocker loudly with his palm, and said⁠—

“Good old Phoenix! I should know its golden voice anywhere.”

And then everyone understood how cleverly the Phoenix had caught at what Robert had said about the real work of a policeman being to look after murderers and thieves, and not after cats, and all hearts were filled with admiring affection.

“But he’ll come back,” said Anthea, mournfully, “as soon as it finds the murderer is only a bright vision of a dream, and there isn’t one at all really.”

“No he won’t,” said the soft voice of the clever Phoenix, as it flew in. “He does not know where your house is. I heard him own as much to a fellow mercenary. Oh! what a night we are having! Lock the door, and let us rid ourselves of this intolerable smell of the perfume peculiar to the muskrat and to the house of the trimmers of beards. If you’ll excuse me, I will go to bed. I am worn out.”

It was Cyril who wrote the paper that told the carpet to take away the rats and bring milk, because there seemed to be no doubt in any breast that, however Persian cats may be, they must like milk.

“Let’s hope it won’t be musk-milk,” said Anthea, in gloom, as she pinned the paper face-downwards on the carpet. “Is there such a thing as a musk-cow?” she added anxiously, as the carpet shrivelled and vanished. “I do hope not. Perhaps really it would have been wiser to let the carpet take the cats away. It’s getting quite late, and we can’t keep them all night.”

“Oh, can’t we?” was the bitter rejoinder of Robert, who had been fastening the side door. “You might have consulted me,” he went on. “I’m not such an idiot as some people.”

“Why,