Destined to Change by Harley, M. (top android ebook reader TXT) 📕

a completely different person, but how could I want to be with him? I didn’t understand why I wanted him, when I was in love with Jaxon. But was I in love with Jaxon? Maybe I wasn’t. Maybe I just thought it was love. Right now all I could think about was my need to get home. I needed to figure out what was going to happen with Jaxon. But most of all I just needed to get the hell away from Cade.

Chapter 8

Jaxon – 17 years old

“Son, its time for you to make some difficult life choices. You’ve been in front of me on more than a couple occasions. I’ve watched you get a little more lost each time you’re brought in. I know you haven’t had the best lot in life, but when a boy gets to a certain age he has to decide what kind of man he wants to be, and son, you need to be making that decision soon.”

I knew Judge Powell was right. If I didn’t make some changes I was going to end up in prison or in the ground. This was a fact - true history - as my mom would call it, but I just couldn’t get my life straightened out. I didn’t care what happened to me. I never had really.

I grew up in Richmond, California. My mom, Sue, tried to raise me right, but my dad left when I was a baby so everything was much harder for her. My mom was born and raised in a small town in Missouri. She met my dad, Jack, when she visited Camp Pendelton for a cousin’s bootcamp graduation ceremony. He was a contractor who worked on the base there. They had a whirlwind week long romance.

When she got back to Missouri and found out she was pregnant, she contacted my dad. He apparently wasn’t real excited about being a dad, but he told her if she would move to Richmond with him he would marry her and raise me. That marriage lasted until I was two months old. Then he took off and that was that.

Life was hard for my mom and me. After my dad left, mom had to work three jobs just to keep a roof over our heads and food on the table. I loved her with all of my heart. She was the most amazing woman ever, but after my dad took off on her, she was never really the same, or so I’d heard.

She could’ve moved back to Missouri and lived around family, but she was embarrassed and ashamed of what had happened with my dad. So we stayed in California and she tried her best to raise me right. I did not help her with that at all.

I started out drinking when I was about twelve. Drinking was an awesome way to get my mind off of what was going on in my life. I got my first piercing when I was thirteen. I was drunk. Some guy at the party I was at took a needle and pierced my eyebrow. It hurt like a son-of-a-bitch, but in a room full of badass kids I sure wasn’t going to show any pain.

Soon drinking just wasn’t enough, I needed more. My friend Ratz, - his real name was Toby Ratzen - started dealing drugs when we were fourteen. He introduced me to a whole crazy world of hell. I just wanted to get out of my head, but what Ratz got me into almost got me out of this world.

I woke up and I couldn’t figure out why I was so hot. I was smothering and I couldn’t quit shaking. I felt like I was literally going to shake out of my skin. And it was so fucking bright in that room. I felt like if I tried hard enough I could reach out and touch the sun.

“Baby, oh God, baby. Please wake up. Please be okay. I can’t live without you Jax, wake up!” Stacy was screaming at me. Stacy and I had been together for two years. We planned to get married and get the hell out of this horrible town as soon as she finished high school. I quit last year, I didn’t need school, I just needed her and my next fix.

Soon pot wasn’t enough, and I had to start dealing with Ratz so I could feed my own addiction. Stacy was so fucking pure. Like the snow. No matter what I tried to give her, she wouldn’t use drugs. She really loved me and wanted a future with me. Why couldn’t she understand how fucked in the head I was? I never understood why she wanted to be with me. But she did, so I decided I was going to straighten up. I didn’t give a shit about me. I had to do it for her.

That’s what had started the downward spiral that got me in front of Judge Powell today.

I tried to open my eyes. Stacy was still screaming, and I could feel something seeping down my face into my eye. My pants were wet. Oh shit, I’d pissed myself. I couldn’t do this to her. I had to get away. She deserved so much better than me and my fucked up life.

“Jax, please tell me you're okay baby, please. I’m so sorry I was late, I had to take Megan home after school. Mom couldn’t pick her up. I should have been here with you. I’m so sorry I wasn’t here to help you.” Stacy cried. I finally got my eyes open and the look on her face absolutely broke my fucking heart. The time was now, I knew what I had to do.

“Get the fuck off me bitch! Get the hell out of here. I don’t want you. I don’t want to ever see your fucking face again. GET OUT!” I didn’t want to do this, and it was breaking my heart, but I couldn’t put that