Forever Logan by Elena Matthews (animal farm read .txt) 📕

You know, maybe you’re just not ready for a grown-up relationship, and that’s fine. I just wish you had told me, so I didn’t waste my time with you.”

“Waste your time with me? What does that even mean?” I ask, confused.

“I shouldn’t have to spell it out for you.”

I shake my head. “No, I think you need to.”

“You say you want what I want, but maybe you haven’t finished sowing your wild oats. Maybe you never will. I just wish you hadn’t made me fall in love with you, only so I’d realize that you’re obviously not ready to be in a serious relationship yet.”

I rack my brain for a moment, trying to understand where she got me making a stupid bet with Blake with not wanting to be serious with her. When I’m not able to connect the dots, I get really frustrated.

Fuck, why are women so infuriating!

“When have I ever said I’m not ready to be in a serious relationship with you? You are the first woman I have ever said I love you to. If that doesn’t prove that I’m serious about being with you, then I don’t know what does.”

“That’s the thing, Logan. I don’t want to be your first. I want to be your last.”

“Who says you can’t be both?” I argue back.

“Because I don’t think someone like you can miraculously change overnight because he falls in love with the first girl who didn’t drop her panties for him from the get-go.”

Now, I go from being frustrated to downright pissed.

“You know, Remi is Nate’s first love, and look at them. They’re getting married in a matter of weeks! Why can’t we have what they have, huh? Why are you suddenly trying to sabotage us?”

“I’m not the one trying to sabotage us. I’m not the one who thought it was a great idea to place a bet where you won yourself a shiny new car if you bagged the woman who hated you!”

Tears are starting to well up in her eyes, but seeing them only angers me more.

“I’ve already told you, I’m sorry for that, that it was just a joke,” I say with gritted teeth.

“But it wasn’t funny, Logan! How can I believe anything between us was real if that’s how you conduct yourself?”

Feeling a tight pressure in my chest with the anxiety of this argument, I stand up, and I let my anger really show.

“If you have to question the authenticity of our relationship and how I feel about you, how I actually think about more than just sex with you, buying you a cheap-ass bracelet because I’m hopelessly in love with you”—I take said bracelet from out of my pocket and throw it out on the lawn, letting my fury get the best of me—“then maybe we really don’t have a future. I am so sick of having to prove my worth to you. I got it at the beginning; we didn’t start out with the best of terms, and I was okay with that. I was willing to do what it took to make you see me for the real me without the idiot persona I’d had when it came to all the chicks before you. I was a douche bag, I was a player, and I definitely wasn’t a gentleman. But when I met you, I knew you were unlike anybody else, and I wanted to be worthy of you. You made me realize that I wanted to settle down, that I didn’t want to live the bachelor lifestyle anymore.”

“But, Logan—” she tries to interrupt, but I pierce her with my eyes, filled with determination.

“No,” I say, causing her head to snap back at my stern voice. “Let me say my piece. You made me want more, and you made me want to be better, but just when I feel like I’ve shown you my worth, you throw my past in my face every chance you get. I give you my all, and I might not be perfect, but I know wholeheartedly that I would always treat you like a princess…yet when I do, I feel like the peasant and not the prince. Like I’m not good enough for you. But this is me,” I say, holding my hands out in front of me in a big swoop. “I’m not perfect, I’m not an angel, and I’m certainly not God’s gift to women in the way I always thought I was, but I’m also honest, loyal, a good cop, and the best damn friend anyone could ever have. If that’s not good enough for you, then I’m sorry, but I have nothing else left to give you.”

The anger I began with slowly turns into sadness, and when I turn away from Ally, I can’t help the tears that burn at the back of my throat as my heart shatters into what feels like a million pieces. As I begin to walk away, I almost still in my steps as I hear a sob come from her, but I keep strong and continue in my direction back into the house. As I enter the kitchen, Nate is the first person in my face with anger reddening his cheeks.

“You want to tell me what the hell that was all about?”

I shake my head. “No, not right now.”

I try to move past him, but he doesn’t let me. Instead, he grabs my shoulder and forces me to turn around to him.

“Don’t walk away from me, Logan. Ally is important to Remi, and when you upset Ally, you upset Remi, and then you upset me. So, I want you to talk to me.”

“You want me to talk, huh?” I snap, my voice trembling with pure rage. “Okay, I’ll give you the short version. I made a stupid bet with Blake when I thought I’d never get with a girl like Ally in a million years. Then, when I totally forgot about the bet, miraculously, after constantly showing Ally my worth, she actually warmed to me.