Forever Logan by Elena Matthews (animal farm read .txt) 📕

We fell hopelessly in love, but for some goddamn reason, she can only see the old me, never believing my love for her is genuine, always doubting my integrity. She is currently outside, crying, because I’m fairly certain we just ended things, though who knows if we were even in a relationship to begin with. So, instead of being so concerned for her, how about you give some thought for me? My heart is fucking breaking right now.” My voice cracks, and I have to literally swallow the sorrow back down my throat. “And as my twin, I shouldn’t have to tell you that; you should have already felt it.”

The anger I could see on his face has melted away, and now, worry lines crease his forehead. “Logan, I had no idea.”

“No, you didn’t, and you want to know why you didn’t know?”

Nate just shakes his head, not offering a reply.

“Because as your best man and Remi’s maid of honor, we didn’t want to tell you until after your precious wedding. We didn’t want to do anything to steal the limelight off you. But now, there is no danger of that happening. So, if you will excuse me, I need to find Ally’s dad and tell him his daughter is outside, crying, because he was the only person who saw me for who I really was, the person who gave me his blessing to make Ally happy again. Unfortunately, for both him and me, Ally will never let me because I’m just not worthy of her.” My words at this point are so monotone, I almost don’t recognize my own voice. I don’t know where all this darkness has come from, but it’s like a boulder dragging me down to the bottom of the murkiest of places. I don’t like it, yet I have no control over it.

I don’t wait for him to say anything; I push past him and go in search of Ally’s parents. I find them in the basement, talking to a few of my dad’s friends. Dave’s eyes light up as soon as he sees me, but he must sense my turmoil because he stands to his feet, worry on his face.

“Is everything okay?”

I shake my head, gulping heavily. “No, sir. I think maybe Ally would like to go home.”

At the sound of her daughter’s name, Lydia gets to her feet and stands beside her husband. “What’s wrong with Ally?”

“I think we just broke up,” I tell them truthfully. “I just want to thank you for being so welcoming of me, but I can’t be what Ally needs. I love her, but I don’t seem to be enough for her. I’m sorry if I’ve hurt her. I never meant to.”

They both tilt their heads to the side, sadness in the contours of their faces.

“Oh gosh, I’m so sorry,” Lydia says.

“I’m sorry, son. Jeez, I don’t know what to say.”

I shrug my shoulders. “There’s nothing to say, sir, only that I’m sorry.”

They look at each other with sad smiles before returning their attention back to me.

“Do you want me to talk to her?” he asks, genuinely concerned for me.

I let out a breathless laugh, not because it’s funny, but because of how awesome he is. “No, that’s okay. If she wants to be with me, she knows where to find me.”

He hesitates for a moment but finally relents, pushing out his hand to shake mine. “You saved my baby in that house fire, and for that, you will always have my gratitude.”

Unable to say anything else, I just nod as I shake his hand.

When I pull away, Ally’s mom steps up to me and envelops me into an enormous bear hug. “Hopefully, one day, she’ll come to her senses, but for now,” she says as she takes a step back, “she really needs to focus on her mental health. You were a good distraction for a while, but I think until she’s healed herself, she won’t truly let you in.”

My throat begins to close up, so I can only nod.

She gently taps my cheek. “Take care.”

As soon as they’ve left the basement, I follow suit, but instead of heading back to the party, I take a quick turn to go up the stairs. I approach the door to my old bedroom, but I change my mind at the last second when I’m assaulted by memories of me and Ally not even from an hour ago. I turn the handle to the next door and enter my sister’s old room. I shut the door behind me, engulfing myself in darkness, and I blindingly find my way to the bed. Settling myself in the middle of the squeakiest bed known to man, I stare up at the ceiling, letting myself feel my heart breaking from the inside out.

One hour ago, I was hopelessly in love.

Now, I’m trying to figure out a way to cut my heart out without the need for surgery.

I’m starting to think being single was so much easier. Feelings were never a factor, and I never had to worry about any women hurting me because I never let them get close enough.

Then again, that life was very emotionless…and after a while, it became tiresome.

With Ally though, she brought the fire out in me; she made me feel more things than I’d ever felt in my entire life. She made me want to be better. I just wish she had let me in all the way, but each time I gave an inch, she’d take a mile in her lack of trust in me. She was always waiting for me to intentionally hurt her, to tell me she was right all along about me, that I was just a piece of shit.

I am one of the most resilient people you could meet; it’s why I make the perfect cop. But, for some reason, when it comes to having my heart broken by the love of my life, it’s funny how easily it wears me down.

I’m just staring