Gil Blas by Alain-René Lesage (best romance books of all time TXT) 📕

field: she is an old stager⁠—a veteran in the service of the apothecary’s wife. But the best of the joke in this comedy,’ added she, in a paroxysm of laughter, ‘is that Melancia, on my assurance that my husband’s habit is to pass the night without stirring, is gone to bed by his side, and drones out my useless office at this moment.’

“ ‘So much the worse, madam,’ said I then to Mergelina; ‘your device is more plausible than profitable. Your husband is very likely to wake, and discover the fraud.’

“ ‘He will not discover anything about it,’ replied she with no little urgency; ‘set your heart at rest about that, and let not an empty fear poison the fountains of a pleasure which ought to drown every vulgar and earthly consideration in the arms of a young lady who is yours forever and ever.’

“The old doctor’s helpmate, finding that her assurances had little effect upon my courage, left no stone unturned to put me in heart again; and she had so many encouraging ways with her, that a very coward must have plucked up a little. My thoughts were all with Jupiter and Alemena; but at the very moment that the urchin Cupid, with his train of smiles and antics, was weaving a garland to compliment the crisis of our endeavors, we were stopped in our career by an importunate knocking at the street door. In a moment, away flew love, and all his covey, like game at the report of a fowling-piece. Mergelina popped me, like an article of household furniture, under the hall table, blew out the lamp, and, by previous agreement with her governess, in the event of so unlucky an accident, placed herself at the door of her husband’s bedchamber. In the meantime, the knocking continued with reiterated violence, till the whole house resounded. The physician awoke suddenly, and called Melancia. The duenna flung herself out of bed, though the doctor, taking her for his wife, begged of her not to disturb herself. She ran to her mistress, who, catching hold of her in the dark, began calling ‘Melancia!’ and told her to go and see who was at the door.

“ ‘Madam,’ answered the directress, ‘here I am at your service, go to bed again if you please; we shall soon know who it is.’ During this parley, Mergelina, having undressed, got into bed to the doctor, who had not the least suspicion of the farce that was playing. To be sure the stage was darkened, and the actresses had very little occasion for a prompter; one of them was familiar with the boards, and the other only wanted a rehearsal or two to be perfect in her part.

“The duenna, in her night gown, made her appearance soon after, with a candle in her hand. ‘Good doctor,’ said she to her master, ‘have the goodness to get up. Our neighbor Fernández de Buendía, the bookseller, is in an apoplectic fit: you are sent for; time presses.’ The physician got on his clothes as fast as he could, and went out. His wife, in her bed gown, came into the hall with the duenna. They dragged me from under the table more dead than alive. ‘You have nothing to fear, Diego,’ said Mergelina; ‘put yourself in proper order.’ At the same time she told me how things were in two words. She had half a mind to renew our amorous intercourse; but the directress knew better.

“ ‘Madam,’ said she, ‘your husband may possibly be too late to help the bookseller to the other world, and then he will return immediately. Besides,’ added she, observing me benumbed with fright, ‘it would be all lost labor upon this poor youth! He is not in a condition to answer your demands. You had better send him home, and defer the debate till tomorrow evening.’ Doña Mergelina was sorry for the delay, as well knowing that a bird in hand is worth two in the bush; and I flatter myself she was disappointed at not putting a cuckold’s nightcap on the doctor’s head.

“As for me, less grieved at having drawn a blank in the lottery of love, than rejoiced at getting my neck out of an halter, I returned to my master’s, where I passed the remainder of the night in moralizing on the scene I had left. For some time, I was in doubt whether to keep my appointment on the following evening. I thought it was a foolish business from first to last; but the devil, who is always lurking for his prey, or rather taking possession of us as his lawful property, whispered in my ear that I should be a great fool to pack up my alls when the prize was falling into my hands. Mergelina, too, with opening and unfathomable charms! The exquisite pleasures that awaited me! I determined to stick to my text; and promising myself a larger share of self-possession, took my station the next evening, at the doctor’s door, between eleven and twelve, in a most spirit-stirring humor. The heavens were completely darkened⁠—not a star to prate of my whereabout. I mewed twice or thrice to give warning of my being in the street; and, as no one answered my signal, I was not satisfied with going over the old ground, but ran up and down the cat’s gamut from bass to treble, and from treble to bass, just as I used to sol-fa with a shepherd of Olmédo. I tuned my fundamental bass so musically, that a neighbor on his return home, taking me for one of those animals whose mewings I counterfeited, picked up an unlucky flint lying at his feet, and threw it at me with all his force, saying, ‘The devil fetch that tom cat!’ I received the blow on my head, and was so stunned for the moment, that I was very near falling backwards. I found the skin was broken. This was enough in all conscience to give me a