Myth 18 - MythChief by Asprin, Robert (good non fiction books to read .TXT) 📕

When one of the masked guards looked into the room, Matfany beckoned to him.

“Will you go ask the kitchen to bring this lady some refreshments? Would you like coffee, tea, or a little some-​thing stronger?”

“Oh, tea, thank you!”

I would have liked something a lot stronger and in de-​cent quantity, but Matfany ignored me and my wishes. Ef-​ficiently, he tidied everything off his desk and spread out the map facing our guest. When the tea arrived on a cart pushed by a surly maidservant in a frilly pink apron, Mat-​fany took it from her. He fussed over Dervina, fixing a cup for her just the way she liked it. I finally caught him alone by the door when he went out to ask for a few more lamps over his desk.

“Look, pal,” I hissed at him, "this gal could mean a bucket of money. I don't want her to think the two of us don't get along. You have been torqued off at me for days.

You have a problem with me? Let's hear it. You want my help, or not?" Matfany pulled himself up to his full height and looked down his nose at me.

“That encounter in your offices continues to trouble me, sir. I need your help for the kingdom's sake, sir, but I will not have you blackening the name of our princess.”

I blew a raspberry. “Former princess, pal, let me remind you, since it was you who booted her out. Remember?”

Matfany looked pained. “Also for the sake of our na-​tion, as I told you, but you must understand, I still have the greatest respect for her.”

“Fine!” I snarled. “I won't insult her anymore. But this Gnome is a serious prospect who wants her name on a fea-​ture in Foxe-​Swampburg. Keep the charm going, and it'll pay off in gold, remember? Prosperity equals respect?”

“ I have to talk to you about that, Mister Aahz,” Matfany began. “Later,” I said. “That tea okay, Miz Dervina?”

“Yes, yes,” the Gnome banker said, blinking up at us. “This is a most curious opportunity, Prime Minister. I have to admit that it intrigued me. There are few intangible assets that carry value. I intend to retire next year, and hav-​ing my name on a building would be a legacy I should en-​joy in my retirement. Can you show them to me?”

“Why, they are right there,” Matfany said. “That is the old library, right here facing the castle. The new library is the building here next to the university on the edge of town. The other new library's over here. Which one do you like'?”

“Oh, I'd have to see them to decide,” Dervina said. “I never buy a property without a thorough inspection. We Gnomes are cautious by nature, you know.”

“Ma'am, you do understand that you aren't really buying the item in question?” Matfany asked, with more emphasis than usual. “You're providing a name, in exchange for a consideration”'"

“I do understand, sir,' Dervina said. ”But. perhaps also with an additional honorarium, I might be allowed a taste-​ful plaque with my name on it affixed to the edifice in question, the fee to allow that designation in perpetuity? I would be prepared to go as high as a thousand . . ?"

A thousand! I tried to keep from whooping out loud.

The prime minister's face cleared. “That would be quite all right, ma'am. I'd be happy to escort you around to the various sites you want to see. May I warn you in advance that there's been some little trouble as of late? You might see things that I hope won't upset you.”

“I know all about the pinchbug infestation, Prime Min-​ister,” she said.

“Well, it's not exactly THAT,” Matfany said, with a significant look at me. I could see more discussion coming my way, but I had no idea why. “Ah, but if you please, your time is valuable.” He pulled back her chair and stuck out his elbow. “This way, ma'am. Sir.”

I trailed along behind him. The heralds at the door raised long trumpets and blew a fanfare, and the guards threw open the big main doors as we approached them. Matfany marched proudly out with Dervina on his arm. I followed, and stopped short.

When I saw what he called “some little trouble.” I had to hand it to him for understatement. “What the hell is this?” I asked. “Clearly, you did not come in this way,” Matfany said. I whistled. “No kidding.”

The courtyard wasn't distinct in any way from thou-​sands of enclosed spaces of fortified houses and citadels across the dimensions, except in its present population density, which had to comprise a good quarter of the Swamp Foxes in Foxe-​Swampburg. As soon as they saw Matfany, they raised protest signs over their heads and shook their fists at him. The signs were badly lettered, but I could read most of them.

“Bring Back Hermalaya!” and “We Want Our Prin-​cess!” was the gist of the majority, but “Keep Foxe-​Swampburg Beautiful!” was on a good third of the placards out there. Other gripes filled the rest, but I got the point. They surged up the stairs and surrounded us. Dervina cringed.

“Get back!” I roared. The Foxes crowding me recoiled slightly, but kept pressing in. The next one that

touched me, I heaved into the air and flung. He landed on six or eight of his fellows. I lunged for the next one, but he dodged out of reach. I grabbed two more and banged them to-​gether. They fell down. The Foxes behind