Club You to Death by Anuja Chauhan (books to improve english .TXT) 📕

Kashi shakes his head. ‘He’s appallingly competitive. He’s having a blast playing with Mehra uncle nowadays because Mehra uncle is so desperate for his vote that he’s letting him win. He’s figured it’s the only way to bribe my dad.’

‘Aww! So cute!’ Bambi replies, a little mechanically.

‘Never mind my dad,’ Kashi says grimly as they emerge onto the driveway. ‘Gimme the tea.’

She nods and exhales, shivering a little in the cold.

‘Okay, so I don’t know if you remember, but back on that last night we spent together, you accused me of being a brainwashed inmate of the Maaru matrimony cult.’

It certainly had been part of the last conversation they’d had, three years ago. Bambi in shorts and a sloppy loose tee, sitting cross-legged on tumbled sheets in her pink bedroom, smelling of his sweat, talking to him earnestly.

‘Kashi, you and I have always been more friends than lovers. That’s our secret superpower – friendship. And it fucking kicks ass. But I need a man in my life who will be more lover, less friend. Anshul is that.’

‘I could be that,’ he had insisted hotly. ‘Your parents have brainwashed you into believing that you can only ever marry a Marwari man or your marriage will fail. It’s like you’re living in some freaking cult. An educated girl like you!

It’s pathetic.’

Tears had filled her eyes, and rolled down her cheeks. ‘Don’t be mean to me, Kashi. I can’t bear it when you’re mean to me!’

And of course he couldn’t bear it when she cried.

Hugs, kisses, fevered caresses, tears. He had sneaked out of her house in the early hours, feeling absolutely drained.

He pushes away the memory with an effort. ‘I remember,’ he says steadily.

‘Yeah well, thanks to Manju’s kleptomania and Pankaj’s manwhoring—’

‘Don’t call your parents by their first names, Bamb!’ He is actually a little shocked.

‘Manju’s stealing and Pankaj’s sluttiness,’ Bambi maintains determinedly, ‘I am out of the cult! For good!’

Kashi applauds. ‘That’s awesome! Congratulations!’

She grins. ‘I told them I’ll find my own life partner, fuckyouverymuch, and then I started dating again.’

Why didn’t you call me?

The words leap to his lips but die unsaid.

‘Really?’ he remarks, managing to look no more than mildly interested, though blood has started to pump hard against his temples. ‘Uh … anyone I know?’

‘Uh, well …’ She looks sheepish. ‘A couple of TVVS guys … Not our batch though! Some randos … I thought I’d found a nice guy for a while, he reminded me a little of you – same socialist agenda – but then he started blackmailing me.’

She stands back, somewhat guiltily, and waits for him to react.

‘Wait … What?’ Kashi looks at her blankly for a moment, and then his jaw drops. ‘Leo!’

She nods embarrassedly. ‘Stupid, wasn’t it?’

Kashi is still just staring at her, computing this brand-new information. ‘You! And Lambodar!’

She looks confused. ‘Who’s Lambodar?’

He shakes his head. ‘Never mind! But he was … what … ten years older than you?’

She nods. ‘That was part of the appeal, I guess. And part of the revolt against the matrimonial madness. He was older, wilder, Christian, working-class, poorish … All qualities designed to drive my parents nuts.’

‘I can see the appeal, I guess,’ Kashi manages to say with a credible attempt at casualness. ‘I’m all for this revolt against the cult – but, wow!’ He shakes his head again. ‘I’m still trying to wrap my mind around this – you and Leo! Fuck, you hide your secrets well!’

She rolls her eyes. ‘I’ve had to learn how to.’

‘So all this talk of an affair between Leo and Urvashi auntie, that’s all just talk, then?’

‘I wouldn’t know.’ She sounds cross. ‘God, what a thing to ask me, Kash!’

‘Sorry, don’t get pissed,’ he apologizes quickly. ‘But Bambi, really – what the fuck?’

She hunches her shoulders. ‘Cut me some slack, okay? My fiancé died, my dad’s a womanizer, my mother’s a klep—’

‘Yeah, yeah, that’s exactly what Kuhu said,’ he says without thinking.

Her eyes widen. ‘You’ve been discussing me with your girlfriend?’

He looks a little caught out. ‘Umm … is that a problem?’

‘Uh … no, I guess not,’ she replies hesitantly.

There is an awkward silence.

Finally he says, ‘Look, could you please just date slightly less complicated people?’

‘Oh yeah?’ She turns to face him, eyeballing him challengingly. ‘Like who?’

The tips of his ears redden. ‘Like … uh, non-blackmailers?’

She stares at him resentfully, a thousand words seeming to tremble on her lips, then looks away with a toss of the head.

‘Anyway, that was the thing I didn’t tell the ACP,’ she says in a more collected voice. ‘That before Leo cottoned onto Mammu’s squalid secret, there was a brief phase where he and I were … dating. I didn’t really think it was relevant.’

They’ve reached her car by now – a bright red Mini Cooper, which probably costs more than what Kashi earns in an entire year. It is covered in fallen neem leaves and looks almost bridal.

‘Whoa, nice car!’

‘Yeah,’ is the unenthusiastic response. ‘It was a happy dead-fiancé anniversary present from my parents last year. To cheer me up. These trees are shedding like crazy.’

Kashi starts to brush them off, then notices a white pamphlet stuck between the windshield and the wiper.

‘What’s this?’ he asks as he pulls it out. ‘Did you get challan-ed or something?’

She shakes her head, as he smooths the paper out against the bonnet of the Mini Cooper. It isn’t a pamphlet. It’s a regular A4 sheet, with words printed on it in thick black ink.

‘It’s some sort of letter.’ Kashi whirls on his heels to look all around the parking lot. ‘Who could’ve left it here?’

‘I don’t know.’ Her voice is curiously subdued.

He looks at her, puzzled, then picks up the paper and reads it.

Bee, be patient.

You and I were made for each other.

Nobody else can take your place in my life, or mine in yours. Mehendi laga ke rakhna, doli saja ke rakhna, and all that jazz.

Wait for me.

The A to your B

‘What the fuck!’ Kashi looks up from the