Kate in Waiting by Becky Albertalli (ereader with android txt) 📕

an earth-shattering, almost unspeakable betrayal, a full and flagrant violation of the Code of Secrecy. Putting Anderson’s heart on the line, opening him to the full humiliation of publicly confirmed unrequited love.

I’m not a perfect friend, but I’m a better friend than that.

Scene 58

But Wednesday morning, something finally shifts.

We’re all pretty quiet on the ride to school, but the silence feels softer somehow. Then, when Matt’s a few steps ahead in the parking lot, Anderson holds me back with a tiny elbow grab. “Hey. Can we talk?”

I look up at him, startled. “Sure.”

“Kate.” He exhales, looking me right in the eye. “I’m so sorry.” And then, before I can even process it, he gives me this massive, tight hug—so sudden and forceful, we almost bang into Matt’s car. “I love you so much,” he says. “I’ve been so weird. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” He disentangles, peering closely at my face. I feel my eyes start to prickle. “Are we okay?”

“Of course.” My voice breaks, just slightly. “I hate the weirdness. It’s the Matt thing, right?”

Andy nods, and for a minute, I swear he might burst into tears. “I’m not handling stuff well.”

“No, I’m the one who’s not handling stuff well!”

He does this choked little laugh. “Katy, how does anyone ever fight with you?”

“I love you so much,” I say, and now I’m crying for real. I don’t deserve Anderson. I honestly don’t. He could hate my guts right now, and under the circumstances, I’d understand it. Anyone would understand. He’s too good. “You’re the most important person to me, okay? I’m not going to let anyone come between us.” I hug him again, burying my face in his chest, and he wraps his arms around me tightly.

“Same. Oh, Kate.” He releases me, then wipes his cheeks with the heels of both hands. “You’re the most important to me too.” He exhales. “I love you so much. More than anything.”

And I know it’s stupid, needing that validation, but I’m almost giddy with relief.

Scene 59

Andy’s got an intensive rehearsal today, so it’s just Matt for the ride home from school. My heart does this little jolt as soon as I shut the car door. It’s officially our first moment alone together since he showed up on Dad’s doorstep, and I just feel so larger-than-life about it. I feel like a verse in a poem.

We haven’t even left the school lot when he asks me if I want to grab ice cream. “Wasn’t there a place near Taco Mac?”

“Bruster’s.”

“Okay, cool.” He does this quick, eager nod, and it’s so cute, I feel dizzy.

It’s about a five-minute ride from school. Neither of us says much on the way there. I keep glancing sideways at Matt without meaning to. He’s staring dutifully at the road, but his jaw keeps clenching. It’s so hard to know what he’s thinking.

The lot’s almost entirely empty. There’s only one other customer hanging out on the benches—an older white guy working on a giant rainbow waffle cone. We follow the old guy’s lead on the cone, but Matt gets chocolate, and I get cake batter. And a bowl to put my cone in.

“Want to sit by the tree?” Matt asks, pointing to a little bench on the other side of the parking lot.

“Sure.”

The minute we sit down, I get the same anticipatory feeling you get when you step onto a stage. That little heart palpitation chest hiccup.

“So I know we never really got to talk after last weekend,” Matt says.

“Right.” My heart beats another notch faster. “What’s up?”

“Okay. Here I go.” He nods, smile flickering. “Sorry. You can probably tell I haven’t done this a lot.”

“Take your time,” I say, trying to sound calm.

He keeps fidgeting with his napkin, wrapping and unwrapping his cone.

“I know we haven’t been friends for that long,” he says. “Which is crazy to me, because it really feels like we have. I feel like I knew you in a past life or something.”

“Me too.”

“I don’t even know why I’m nervous. I’m just going to say it.” He blinks and then inhales and then looks right into my eyes. “So I’m sure you already guessed this, but. I’m gay.”

I freeze. My whole body. Heart, lungs, every cell, every organ.

“Oh,” I say simply.

“Okay.” He grips his ice-cream cone with both hands, smiling hugely. “I did it.”

“Wow.” I nod. Really fast. Like maybe if I nod quickly enough, my eyes will stop prickling. “Yeah! Wow. I’m just—wow. Thanks for trusting me.”

“I mean, of course. You’re best friends with Anderson. Obviously I knew you weren’t, like, a homophobe.” He’s still smiling. “I feel so—” He sighs. “Wow. I can’t even tell you how good this feels.”

“So you haven’t told a lot of people?” I ask, and Matt shakes his head.

“I’m telling my mom tonight. And your mom, I guess.”

“What about your dad?”

“Oh, God no.” He does this choked little laugh.

“I’m really sorry. That’s so shitty.”

“I’m just glad I don’t live there anymore. Last weekend was just . . . unbearable.”

“Did something happen?”

“Oh, no. Yeah, nothing in particular.” Matt pauses, swallowing a bite of his cone. “It’s just so much better here, which made it hard to go back, even for the weekend. I hated my old school so much. Like, I didn’t know a single queer person there. Or maybe I did, but no one was out. And then I came here, and there are so many of us. And you’ve got Andy, who’s just, like, almost nonchalant about it, you know?”

I take the last bite of my cone, and set my bowl on the bench. “I don’t think people usually describe Andy as nonchalant.”

Matt laughs. “Okay, true. But you know what I mean. He’s so sure of himself, and he’s out to everyone, and I’m just in awe of that. I didn’t even know I could want that.”

“Yeah. I mean, I think it took him a minute, but, you know. He’s had time to figure it out. You will too.”

“Thanks, Kate.” He smiles at me.

It makes