Kate in Waiting by Becky Albertalli (ereader with android txt) 📕

“You know what’s funny?” he says. “That whole time at camp, I thought you and Andy were dating.” He studies my face for a moment. “Okay, you’ve got a little bit of ice cream . . . here, I’ll just—”

He swipes the corner of my mouth with two fingers.

I think my brain just derailed.

I just can’t wrap my head around it. He’s touching my face. But he’s gay. And he was gay when he asked for my number. All those secret smiles and locked eyes, all the moments I stacked in my head like they meant something. All that snowballing romantic tension. All that kissing.

All that choreographed, staged kissing.

“Have you ever just been so totally wrong about someone?” Matt says.

“Yup,” I say softly.

I think I might burst into tears.

One day, I’ll tell him. In a year or two, maybe. Whenever the thought of it stops making me want to sink into the floorboards. I’ll tell him over cocktails when we’re twenty-five. Hey, remember when you came out to me at Bruster’s? And I was shocked? Because I thought you were in love with me? Me and my fine-ass observational skills. Queen Kate the Clueless strikes again and again and again.

Scene 60

The next morning, Andy’s waiting outside my algebra class, looking frantic. “Hey! I have to pee.”

“Isn’t the bell about to ring?”

“Just check in with Ms. Whatshername—”

“Evans.”

“Ms. Evans! Great. Just tell her you have to puke or something.” He grabs my hand. “Come on.”

“You have Senior D—”

“Kate. It’s fine. Come on.” And the next thing I know, I’m trailing behind him through the arts wing, all the way back to the BTF. I can’t quite read his expression. He seems happy. I think? I don’t know why he wouldn’t be, because clearly Matt just came out to him on the ride to school. And he must know I know. He’s probably bursting to talk about it.

It is kind of exciting, if you look at it from Andy’s perspective. I don’t want to say Andy’s only ever had crushes on straight boys, but there have been quite a few straight boys. And obviously Matt being gay doesn’t automatically mean he’s into Anderson, but there’s still that possibility. I actually think I wouldn’t mind it, down the line. Once all the dust settles.

“So Matt talked to you,” Andy says, settling in on his toilet.

“Yes,” I say, but then I hesitate. Because maybe Andy thinks this conversation is about something else entirely. I don’t want to say more than I should.

“Yes, about him being gay, Kate,” Andy says, apparently reading my mind. I can tell from his voice that he’s smiling. “I like that you were careful not to out him, though.”

“I just—”

“I’m not being sarcastic. For real. Like, he’s not really out. So you’re right to be careful. I think we’re the only ones who know. Period.”

“So he told you this morning?”

Anderson’s silent for a moment.

“He literally just told me yesterday,” I add. “I promise.”

“Katy, Matt and I are dating,” Anderson says.

And that’s when the world stops. Not just me. Not just my body. It’s like the whole entire world just went still on its axis. “I thought . . .” He pauses. “I don’t know. We thought you’d kind of guessed.”

“We?” I say faintly.

“Me and—”

“You and Matt. I get it. I know who the we is.” I stare at my jeans, tucking two fingers into the scraggly denim around my knees. My voice falls. “You’re dating? He’s your—like your boyfriend?”

“We haven’t said boyfriend. I don’t know,” Andy says.

“So when?” I feel like my chest is caving in on itself. “When did this happen?”

“A while ago.”

My voice cracks. “A while ago.”

“Kate.”

“What do you mean, a while ago? We’ve known him for like a month.”

“Like . . . two weeks ago? Just under. He picked me up after you got back from your brother’s birthday dinner.”

The memory lands like a punch. Watching from my bedroom window as Matt left right after my brother did. I’d assumed he was going to Michelle McConnell’s party. He’d even changed his shirt.

“Katy.”

I don’t reply.

“Kate, say something. Please be happy for me.” His voice breaks. “Please.”

“I—”

“I swear, I really thought you knew. Like when we were talking about it in the parking lot, and you said you weren’t handling it well—”

“Yeah, because I’m an idiot. I thought you were jealous. I felt so guilty. I thought I was breaking your heart.”

“That’s ridiculous—”

“That Matt would like me? Yeah—”

“No!” Anderson’s voice quakes. “You shouldn’t have felt guilty, Kate, we talked about this. The ground rules—”

“The ground rules weren’t working.”

Anderson sputters. “Since when?”

“Well, let’s see. What was that second rule? Oh right. Be honest with each other. Yeah, how’d that go for you?”

“Are you serious right now?” I hear Andy step out of his stall, slamming the door behind him. “What was I supposed to do? Matt wasn’t out! How could I have told you?”

“You said you thought I knew!”

“I did! But I wasn’t sure. And, Katy, it wasn’t my thing to tell.”

My cheeks flush. “Yeah, well, you could have waited until he was ready to tell before you decided to hook up—”

Anderson laughs incredulously. “Are you listening to yourself? So you’re saying I should have told my boyfriend, hey, I’ll kiss you, but we’re going to have to loop in Kate first. Just FYI—”

“So now he is your boyfriend!”

“Wow, you really can’t be happy for me, can you?”

“I am happy for you.” I stand up, yanking the stall door open. “Okay? There you go. You win, Andy. You get the guy. You get the guy we were both half in love with all summer—”

“We barely knew him this summer!” Andy’s crying now. We both are.

“Well I know him now. I like him just as much as you do, okay? Just as much.” I can’t catch my breath. “But I’m supposed to be happy for you? So if it were reversed, if he were my boyfriend, you wouldn’t feel any sort of way about that?”

Andy’s face crumples. “Of course I would.”

“Then congratulations! Your ground rules are bullshit.”