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- Author: Emily Post
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There was a wedding not long ago which caused quite a lot of derisive comment because the groom's mother provided him with a complete and elaborate trousseau from London, enormous trunks full of every sort of raiment imaginable. That part of it all was very nice; her mistake was in inviting a group of friends in to see the finery. The son was so mortified by this publicity that he appeared at the wedding in clothes conspicuously shabby, in order to counteract the "Mama's-darling-little-newly-wed" effect that the publicity of her generous outlay had produced.
It is proper and fitting for a groom to have as many new clothes as he needs, or pleases, or is able to get—but they are never shown to indiscriminate audiences, they are not featured, and he does not go about looking "dressed up."
The Wedding Clothes Of The Bridegroom
If he does not already possess a well fitting morning coat (often called a cutaway) he must order one for his wedding. The frock coat is out of fashion at the moment. He must also have dark striped gray trousers. At many smart weddings, especially in the spring, a groom (also his best man) wears a white piqué high double-breasted waistcoat, because the more white that can be got into an otherwise sombre costume the more wedding-like it looks; conventionally he wears a black one to match his coat, like the ushers. The white edge to a black waistcoat is not, at present, very good form. As to his tie, he may choose an "Ascot" of black and white or gray patterned silk. Or he may wear a "four-in-hand" matching those selected for the ushers, of black silk with a narrow single, or broken white stripe at narrow or wide intervals. At one of the ultra smart weddings in New York last spring, after the London fashion, the groom and all the men of the wedding party wore bow ties of black silk with small white dots.
White buckskin gloves are the smartest, but gray suede are the most conventional. White kid is worn only in the evening. It is even becoming the fashion for ushers at small country weddings not to wear gloves at all! But at every wedding, great or small, city or country, etiquette demands that the groom, best man, and ushers, all wear high silk hats, and that the groom carry a walking stick.
Very particular grooms have the soles of their shoes blacked with "water-proof" shoe polish so that when they kneel, their shoes look dark and neat.
What The Best Man Wears
The best man wears precisely what the groom wears, with only one small exception: the groom's boutonnière is slightly different and more elaborate. The groom and best man often wear ties that are different from those worn by the ushers, and occasionally white waistcoats. Otherwise the two principal men are dressed like the ushers.
What The Ushers Wear
It is of greatest importance that in dress each usher be an exact counterpart of his fellows, if the picture is to be perfect.
Everyone knows what a ragged-edged appearance is produced by a company of recruits whose uniforms are odd lots. An after-effect of army training was evident at one or two smart New York weddings where the grooms were in each case ex-officers and their ushers turned out in military uniformity. Each of these grooms sent typewritten instructions to his ushers, covering every detail of the "equipment" exacted. Few people may have reasoned why, but scarcely any one failed to notice "what smart looking men all the ushers were." It is always just such attention to detail that produces a perfectly finished result. The directions sent by one of the grooms was as follows:
"Wedding rehearsal on Tuesday, St. Bartholomew's at 5 P.M.
Wedding on Wednesday at 4 P.M.
Please wear:
Black calfskin low shoes.
Plain black silk socks.
Gray striped trousers (the darkest you have).
Morning coat and single-breasted black waistcoat.
White dress shirt (see that cuffs show three-quarters of
an inch below coat sleeves).
Stand-up wing collar.
Tie and gloves are enclosed.
Boutonnière will be at the church.
Be at the church yourself at three o'clock, sharp."
The Head Usher
Usually there is no "head usher," but in certain localities courtesy designates the usher who is selected to take the bride's mother up the aisle as the "head," or "first" usher.
Very occasionally, too, a nervous groom appoints an especially "reliable" friend head usher so as to be sure that all details will be carried out—including the prompt and proper appearance at the church of the other ushers. Usually, the ushers divide the arrangements among themselves. The groom decides who goes on which aisle. One of them volunteers or is asked to look out for the bride's coming and to notify the groom, another is especially detailed to take the two mothers up the aisle. But very often this arrangement is arbitrarily decided by height. If one mother is very tall and the other very short, they generally go up with different ushers, the tallest being chosen for the taller lady, and one of medium height for the shorter.
The Bridesmaids' Luncheon
In many sections of America, especially in the country and in small towns, brides make an especial feature of asking their bridesmaids to a farewell luncheon. The table is elaborately decorated (invariably in pink with bridesmaids' roses), there is a bride's cake (lady cake) and there are favors in the cake, and mottoes, and altogether it is a "lovely party." In New York there is nothing like that at all. If the bride chooses to give a luncheon to her bridesmaids on whatever day suits her best, there is no objection to her doing so, or in fact, to her inviting whom she pleases to whatever sort of a party her mother is willing she should give. It is not a question of approved etiquette but of her own inclination seconded by the consent of her mother!
If her mother "keeps open house," probably they lunch with her many times before the wedding; if, on the other hand, it is not the habit of the family to have "people running in for meals," it is not necessary that she ask them to lunch at all. But whether they lunch often or never, the chances are that they are in and out of her house every day, looking at new presents as they come, perhaps helping her to write the descriptions in the gift book, and in arranging them in the room where they are to be displayed.
The bride usually goes to oversee the last fittings of the bridesmaids' dresses in order to be sure that they are as she wants them. This final trying-on should be arranged for several days at least before the wedding, so there may be sufficient time to make any alterations that are found necessary. Often the bride tries on her wedding dress at the same time so that she may see the effect of the whole wedding picture as it will be, or if she prefers, she tries on her dress at another hour alone.
Usually her bridesmaids lunch quite informally with her, or come in for tea, the day before the wedding, and on that day the bride gives them each "her present" which is always something to wear. It may be the muffs they are to carry, or parasols, if they have been chosen instead of bouquets. The typical "bridesmaid's present" is a bangle, a breast pin, a hat pin, which, according to the means of the bride, may have great or scarcely any intrinsic value.
Bridesmaids And Ushers' Dinner
If a wedding is being held in the country, or where most of the bridesmaids or ushers come from a distance, and they are therefore stopping at the bride's house, or with her neighbors, there is naturally a "dinner" in order to provide for the visitors. But where the wedding is in the city—especially when all the members of the bridal party live there also—the custom of giving a dinner has gone rather out of fashion.
If the bridal party is asked to dine at the house of the bride on the evening before the wedding, it is usually with the purpose of gathering a generally irresponsible group of young people together, and seeing that they go to the church for rehearsal, which is of all things the most important. More often the rehearsal is in the afternoon, after which the young people go to the bride's house for tea, allowing her parents to have her to themselves on her last evening home, and giving her a chance to go early to bed so as to be as pretty as possible on the morrow.
The Bachelor Dinner
Popularly supposed to have been a frightful orgy, and now arid as the Sahara desert and quite as flat and dreary, the bachelor dinner was in truth more often than not, a sheep in wolf's clothing.
It is quite true that certain big clubs and restaurants had rooms especially constructed for the purpose, with walls of stone and nothing breakable within hitting distance, which certainly does rather suggest frightfulness. As a matter of fact, "an orgy" was never looked upon with favor by any but silly and wholly misguided youths, whose idea of a howling good time was to make a howling noise; chiefly by singing at the top of their lungs and—breaking crockery. A boisterous picture, but scarcely a vicious one! Especially as quantities of the cheapest glassware and crockery were always there for the purpose.
The breaking habit originated with drinking the bride's health and breaking the stem of the wine glass, so that it "might never serve a less honorable purpose." A perfectly high-minded sentiment! And this same time-honored custom is followed to this day. Toward the latter end of the dinner the groom rises, and holding a filled champagne glass aloft says: "To the bride!" Every man rises, drinks the toast standing, and then breaks the delicate stem of the glass. The impulse to break more glass is natural to youth, and probably still occurs. It is not hard to understand. The same impulse is seen at every county fair where enthusiastic youths (and men) delight in shooting, or throwing balls, at clay pipes and ducks and—crockery!
Aside from toasting the bride and its glass-smashing result, the groom's farewell dinner is exactly like any other "man's dinner," the details depending upon the extravagance or the frugality of the host, and upon whether his particular friends are staid citizens of sober years or mere boys full of the exuberance of youth. Usually there is music of some sort, or "Neapolitans" or "coons" who sing, or two or three instrumental pieces, and the dinner party itself does the singing. Often the dinner is short and all go to the theater.
Gifts Presented To Ushers
The groom's presents to his ushers are always put at their places at the bachelor dinner. Cuff links are the most popular gift; scarf-pins in localities where they are still fashionable. Silver or gold pencils, belt buckles, key-rings in gold, key-chains in silver, cigarette cases, bill-folders, card-cases, or other small and personal articles are suitable.
The present to the best man is approximately the same, or slightly handsomer than the gift to the ushers.
The Rehearsal
The bride always directs her wedding rehearsal, but never herself takes part in it, as it is supposed to be bad luck. Some one else—anyone who happens to be present—is appointed understudy.
Nearly always a few especial friends happen in, generally those who are primed with advice as to how everything should be done, but the opinion of the bride or the bride's mother is final.
Vital Importance Of Rehearsal
Most of us are familiar with the wedding service, and its form seems simple enough. But, unless one has by experience learned to take care of seemingly non-existent details, the effect (although few may be able to say why) is hitchy and disjointed, and all the effort spent in preparation is wasted. It is not
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